Page 96 of Plus Size Player

And I actually said yes!

Now we were pretending that never happened—like none of it ever happened. I swallowed hard, ignoring the burning sensation in my throat.

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Bringing the back of my hand to his lips, he kissed it softly.

A chill ran up my arm and then down the rest of my body.

“A fantasy in the flesh,” he murmured.

I couldn’t respond. I didn’t trust myself. Anything I would’ve said would’ve resulted in me with my mouth open. Either a sob would’ve come out, or his dick would’ve gone in. Neither needed to happen, so I swallowed my feelings.

He walked out of my place and left my body humming, wanting. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything but stand in the doorway and watch him walk out of my personal life.

When he was thirty feet away and there was enough distance between us, I could breathe. He snatched the ticket from under his windshield wiper blade and shoved it into his pocket. Just as he was about to climb into his car, I yelled to him.

“How do you know for sure Remedy won’t say anything?”

“Because she’s my sister,” he called back.

14

I thought finding the man who felt like home was an impossibility. But it was depriving myself of said man that was proving to be impossible. I could not get Russ out of my head. I tried everything to rid myself of the emptiness that gutted me whenever he crossed my mind. It wasn’t just that we were no longer dating. It was the fact that he was my employer and dating would be career suicide.

It was a devastating predicament, and I couldn’t remember a time I’d felt this bad. A man had never gotten me in my feelings to the point that I was down, let alone down bad. The only thing I could think to do was stay busy.

I spent the week distracting myself with outfit coordination, business planning, and online dating. My doctor’s appointment was quick and easy on Tuesday. Besides them reassuring me that my IUD was still in place, my test results came back on Friday, and as expected, I had a clean bill of health. On Saturday night, I let The Smart One take me out, but I didn’t have a good time.

On Sunday night, I sat across the table from Denzel, a man I’d met on TenderFish. We’d had very surface-level conversation online, so I didn’t know what to expect. He was a tall, good-looking man with kind eyes and prematurely salt-and-pepper hair. We exchanged pleasantries over appetizers and cocktails. I was distracted, but not enough that Russ didn’t cross my mind.

I hated it.

After placing our orders, he leaned forward in his chair.

“What’s your favorite verse right now?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s gotta be when Megan Thee Stallion said…” I went on to rap my favorite lines from one of my favorite songs. I moved my shoulders to the beat in my head. “I’ve been obsessed with that verse since I first heard it. What’s yours?”

His eyebrows were raised. “Uh… Proverbs 3:5.”

The silence that followed was like a vacuum.

I thought I heard God laugh.

The rest of the date was more of the same as we both realized we didn’t have much in common. He was a teacher who enjoyed quiet nights at home. He was looking for a long-term relationship. So, while we enjoyed our dinner and conversation, we ended the night pretty early.

“How was your date?” Aaliyah asked as soon as I answered the phone.

I was already home, showered, and in bed. “Dinner was delicious. We made light small talk but we won’t be seeing each other again. He might be a good match for Jazz though,” I told her, quickly recapping the night.

“Hm. Have you linked up with The Funny One?”

“No. He hit me up, but I just…” I frowned. “I haven’t felt like it. I saw The Smart One though.”

“You don’t really sound too interested in anyone.”

“I’m not,” I murmured.

“What’s that thing you always say? You can’t compete where you don’t compare?” Before I could open my mouth to respond, she started again. “So, speaking of Russ…”

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