Page 110 of Plus Size Player

“Something is different.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Is your roster full?”

I rolled my eyes and teased my hair with my fingers. “There has been a recent opening.”

“Well, maybe this guy will be able to fill the opening.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “And I mean that in all the ways.”

“I know that’s right,” I cackled as we left the restroom.

I couldn’t shake Kiya’s insinuation or the thoughts that ran through my mind, so I made it a point to dance and flirt with every man that I was attracted to. There were only a handful that really fit the bill. But with drinks in my system and two available spots on my roster, I made the most of my night.

At one o’clock in the morning, Kiya made us all lift our lemon drops. “To friends,” she said as we drank our shots. Grinning at us, she placed her glass on the table and opened her arms wide. “Thank you for coming out and celebrating with me,” she started with a huge smile. “Last night’s dinner was elegant and perfect. Tonight has been over-the-top fun. The party bus will be here in thirty minutes, and I wanted to take a minute to tell you how muchI appreciate you being by my side through all of the major moments of my life. And I hope that continues over the next year—as bridesmaids in my wedding!”

We all screamed.

“I knew it!” I called out. “From the way you’ve been acting the last couple of months, I knew it was coming!”

Crowding her with hugs, the eight of us spent the remaining time on our feet, drinking, dancing, and celebrating. The rest of the night was a blur.

“I’m so happy for you,” I told Kiya as we entered her house an hour and a half later. Sitting on her couch, I put my hand to my chest. “My girl is getting married! I love this for you.”

“I didn’t think you believed in marriage or monogamy,” she replied, sitting down in her recliner.

“Of course I believe in marriage and monogamy!”

“You do? I thought you didn’t want to settle down.”

“I would settle down with someone who fulfilled all my needs,” I told her. “We grew up seeing happy, healthy couples. If I meet someone who is the perfect fit for me and I’m the perfect fit for him, I will settle down.”

Grinning drunkenly, she sighed. “When it happens, it’s going to knock you off your feet.”

“How did you know?” I asked. The question bubbled out of me unexpectedly. I was sure I had just thought it until she started answering.

“I knew he was the one almost immediately. We just fit and everything just flowed. But it hit me that he would be the one I would spend my life with when I realized I felt like my most free, my most peaceful, my most authentic self. I found someone who makes life fun. And that’s harder to do than it sounds, because it’s easy to have fun doing fun things. But to have fun riding in the car, going to the grocery store, just sitting and talking.” She swooned. “He brings out this childlike quality in me, and at the same time he brings out the badass woman in me. That type of love is so effortless. When you love someone effortlessly, it’s everything.”

I didn’t remember what I said in response. I didn’t rememberfalling asleep. But when I woke up on that couch a few hours later with a crook in my neck, I didn’t forget what she’d said.

Or how I felt about what she said.

I couldn’t get Kiya’s words out of my head. I showered, slept another few hours in her guest room, and I still thought about it. I returned home Sunday evening, ate a delicious dinner, soaked in the tub, and was still reflecting on Kiya’s answer to my question. But it wasn’t until I arrived at the RLF building and saw Russ standing at the elevator that I realized why it was nagging me. The time we’d spent away from each other didn’t lessen the intensity of what I felt for him, and that made me uncomfortable because of what it meant.

I feel like that about Russ.

The thought hit me like a ton of bricks and rooted me where I stood. The thoughts that crept out of my subconscious over the weekend washed over me at the sight of him.

I know I like him, but it isn’t love,I told myself as I put one foot in front of the other.I like him. I miss him. But I don’t love him.

Our conversation and kiss on Friday mixed with the alcohol and conversation with my cousin and stirred my feelings up. But even if what we had was real, it didn’t matter because our work circumstances were what they were. Nothing we had mattered anymore. We could only focus on moving forward. The feelings didn’t just go away because not being together was the right thing to do. But we had to work together, so we had to figure it out.

Rolling my shoulders back, I decided to confront things head-on.

I tentatively approached Russ as he waited for the elevator. He stared straight ahead with the kind of unwavering focus that confirmed he knew I was there. Clearing my throat lightly, I announced myself.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” I asked nervously.

“No.”

My mouth fell open.The fuck?

A stream of people flowed out of the elevator just as I’d gathered myself enough to respond. Stunned, I entered the confined spacewith Russ and three other people. I went from shocked to embarrassed to angry by the time we’d reached the second floor. As soon as the others exited, I turned to him. The doors had barely closed before I erupted.

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