Page 29 of Curvy Girl Summer

I sat up and cleared my throat. ‘I don’t mean no harm, but women on this app are just looking for someone to spend money on them, and that ain’t me,’ I read with a deep voice, trying not to laugh. ‘I make my own money. I got my own everything. I provide for me and mines. What do you bring to the table? What do you have to offer besides what’s between your legs? If you’re not a gold digger, swipe right.’

She groaned from the other end of the couch. “I hate it when I come across profiles like that—and you’ll come across quite a few of them. This mindset is wild, and this approach is just so… just so negative! Does it say what he does for a living?”

I showed her my phone. “Of course not.”

“And on top of that, he’s not cute on the inside or the outside. That’s a no.” Pulling out her phone, she opened the TenderFish app. “On to the next one.”

“Amen,” I agreed, swiping left.

And then I kept swiping left.

“Well, hold on,” Nina demanded, putting her hand on my forearm. “Slow down! You’re swiping left so fast, you’re not even savoring the experience.”

I pointed at her phone. “I’m swiping just as fast as you are!”

“Yes, but I’ve been on apps before. This is month two of me being on this one in particular, and I know the drill.” She gave me a look. “You are on it for the first time. Take your time. Experience all of its wonder.”

“‘George, thirty-six, twenty-two miles away. No fat chicks,’” I read aloud. ‘I don’t mean to be mean, but I like what I like. So, if you’re big and fat, do not bother. I’m looking for someone fit—preferably between one hundred and fifteen pounds and one hundred and thirty-five pounds. If you’re fat anywhere besides your ass, do not swipe on me. We will not match. I don’t need that unhealthy, lazy energy in my life. Good vibes only.’ I gave her a look. “Is this what you want me to savor? Because I would’ve swipedno on the picture alone, but the bio really solidified the no. And I could’ve done without this.”

“The thing about dating while fat on an app is that you’ll be minding your business and then—boom—you catch a stray for no reason.” She shook her head. “You’ll see profiles of men that are blatantly fatphobic, and then you’ll see the ones that fetishize us,” she explained. “The goal is to find the men who see us as normal people.”

“Soooooooo, it’s basically just like real-life dating?” I joked. “It looks like people are just being bold about their bullshit online.” I sighed. “The beauty of being an internet gangster, I guess.”

“And let’s be honest, we know that George wouldn’t have had a chance with either of us on his best day.”

“Amen to that. But my issue isn’t even just the fact that he doesn’t like fat women. I mean, he probably couldn’t handle all this anyway. My issue is that he spent his whole bio shitting on us instead of just highlighting who he wanted. Same with the guy who claimed to not want a gold digger. Why not just highlight what you want instead of talking shit about what you don’t? I just don’t understand.”

“Because people suck.” She held up the phone so I could see the man on her screen. “Men in particular.”

I squinted my eyes. “What is he wearing?”

“A shirt that saysNO FATTIESand a pair of cutoff shorts that don’t fit well.”

My lip curled in disgust. “Jean shorts? He has the nerve to say no fatties and he’s wearing cutoff denim shorts?”

Nina’s head fell back against the couch and she laughed. “Exactly!”

“But my thing is this—if you can’t connect with or talk to anyone unless you mutually match, what is even the point of writing all that hate? I just don’t get it.”

“The world may never know.”

With a shake of the head, I went back to my swiping.

“Jesus,” I groaned, shaking my head.

“What’s up?” Nina responded.

“No Blacks,” I read before turning the phone toward her. “That’s it. That’s his only requirement.”

“Wait…hesaid that?” The confusion on her face matched mine when I read it.

With pursed lips, I gave her a look. “Mm-hmm.”

“Wow.” She shook her head. “That’s… problematic. And look”—she held up her phone—“this profile has more trash-ass energy.”

I squinted my eyes. ‘I’m down with the swirl and looking for some chocolate. Big booties to the front of the line,’ I read the profile with a frown. “No. No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did. Audacity must be on sale somewhere.”

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