Page 145 of Everything's Coming Up Rosie

“You’re not behind,” Marnie says. “It’s not a race.”

“But it feels like it sometimes,” Maya says, like she understands.

“You want to know the truth?” Taylor sets her sandwich down.

“The truth is always best,” I say, a reminder to myself.

“I’m not sure I can do this,” Taylor says.

“Do what?” I ask.

“The baby thing,” she says.

“Uh, Taylor, I hate to tell you this,” Maya says, “but you’re doing it.”

Her eyes turn glassy as her gaze falls to her lap. “I know.”

I reach over and take her hand. “What’s wrong?”

Her words all come out at once.

“Babies don’t come with instruction books. And am I losing all of my independence by becoming a mother? My body, my time, my life—they’ll all belong to this baby now. And what if I’m bad at it? What if Aaron comes home from work and I’m covered in babypuke and the house is a mess and we’re eating ramen for the fifth night in a row because it’s all I can handle making? Or what if the baby won’t sleep or poop or I don’t have milk or I have to put cabbage leaves on my boobs?” She’s fully crying now.

“Okay,somuch to unpack there,” Maya says.

“The cabbage leaves are just an old wives’ tale,” Marnie says, but then tosses me an I-don’t-know-what-to-do-here look.

Taylor is near a full-on meltdown. “I didn’t just hear it from Mrs. Copecki. I read about it in a book!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” I say, putting a hand on hers. “It’s scary. And unknown. And life-changing. But you’re not alone. Let’s start with the fact that Aaron is all in,” I say. “You’re partners, Taylor. He’s going to help with the cooking and the diapers and the... cabbage leaves.” I steal Marnie’s expression and volley it back to her.

A tear slips down Taylor’s cheek, and she wipes it away, then sniffs so loudly it prompts Marnie to hand her a napkin.

“Taylor, it’s normal to be scared about big life changes,” Marnie says. “You don’t think I was scared to move to Milwaukee and start a whole new job?”

Taylor turns toward our friend. “You were?”

“Yeah, we’re not all brave like Rosie,” she says.

I freeze at the comment. Me? Brave? They’re not around to see my hands shaking almost every single day, to watch me pep talk myself in the mirror when I get ready because otherwise I’ll never survive. “You think I’m brave?”

“Duh!” Maya’s eyes go wide. “You’re so brave, Rosie. Nobody else had the guts to leave. To move to New York City. That’s wild.”

“And inspiring,” Taylor says. “Who cares if it isn’t exactly what you thought? You’re really out there doing it.”

“Yeah, I think you sort of inspired me to dream bigger,” Marnie says. “I wouldn’t have applied for that Milwaukee job if it weren’t for you.”

I frown.

“You’re totally fearless,” Marnie says.

I sink a little in my seat under the weight of humility. “Some people would call it stupidity.”

“Well, we aren’t those people,” Taylor says. “We think it’s amazing.”

“Does it change your perception if I tell you how hard it’s been?” I ask. “That I’ve barely been getting by?”

“No,” Marnie says. “It makes me feel a little better actually. Because I’m only two months into this job, and the anxiety has not gone away. I could really mess this up. And chances like this don’t come along every day.” She pauses. “What if I fail?”

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