Page 137 of Everything's Coming Up Rosie

The answer was so clear. It still is. It’s the thing that makes me feel alive. The thing I was born to do.

For me.

Not for my mom.

I’d been so certain. Does this change that?

“What are you going to do?” Booker asks.

I chew the inside of my lip, aware that I’m nervous, and also aware that I really do not want to have to say goodbye to this man.

But that was always the plan, wasn’t it? I knew that going in.

“I don’t know yet,” I say, turning it over in my head. “Steady work would be nice.”

He nods.

“And, you know,” I say comically nonchalantly, “you’re here. I guess that’s a perk.”

I can practically feel myself shouting:“I’ll stay with you forever!”

But then he says, “I don’t think I should factor into this decision.”

I frown.

“Not like that,” he says. “It’s not that I don’t wantto be a part of your decision; it’s just that I don’twantto be a part of your decision.”

“Oh, well, yeah, that’s crystal clear.”

He smiles, moving closer to me. “I don’t ever want you to give up on your dreams because of me.”

“I get it,” I say, taking his hand. “You don’t want me to resent you.”

“Exactly.” He gently pulls me toward him. “No matter how much I don’t want you to go.”

When he kisses me, all I can think is that I don’t want to go either. I could stay here, even endure winter in Wisconsin, if it meant I could be with him.

But if I did that, what happens to that part of my soul that comes alive when I perform? Does it simply disappear?

Chapter 39

Pro/con lists aren’t really my style.

Usually, I trust my gut.

But right now, my gut is only thinking of Booker.

So I made a list.

It didn’t help.

At the end of the day, this isn’t the kind of decision a simple list can make for me. The pros and cons are all super important, but equally so. Which means this is the kind of decision I have to make for myself.

This is my life. What do I want it to look like?

The thought makes my stomach tumble.

A few days before we open, we break for dinner, and as I sit down to eat the pasta Daisy picked up from the dining hall for me, I check my email for the first time today.

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