Page 76 of Never Been Shipped

“Is that what we’re calling it?” she said, giving him a flirty smile as she reached out to touch his wrist.

“Don’t do that,” he said, his voice tight. “You know what I mean. I want to write songs together, and I think I want to actually try to put them out. I want to play shows with you again. Separate from anything to do with ElectricOh!. Something new.”

She withdrew her hand, tucking her hair behind her ear. Her fingers brushed against the rose, which had started to droop a little, sliding down until it was hanging in her hair rather than pinned up into it.

“I think I’m done with that part of my life,” Micah said. “But you know I’d support you in anything you wanted to do. L.A. would be a great place for you, actually, if you wanted to get back into the scene—”

“I don’t care about the scene,” John said. “I want to do this withyou.”

Something sparked in Micah’s eyes, and she took a step back, crossing her arms over her chest. “So those are your terms,” she said, then gave a little laugh, looking up at the sky. “This is exactly why mixing music stuff with relationship stuff never works. They get too tangled up in each other, and then you can’t pull on any of the threads without it all coming undone.”

“That’s not fair.” John knew she was referring back to Ryder, which—if she couldn’t see the ways that this wouldnotjust be a repeat of that debacle, then there was no point in continuing to have this conversation. “I’m not trying to set terms with you, or rules, or whatever else. We’ve done the all-or-nothing thing before and I don’t want that, because I don’t wantnothingwith you. But I’m also all in, Micah. I do want all of it—the relationship stuff and the music stuff. If that’s not what you want, then tell me that. I’ll still be your friend because I’ll always be your friend. I’ve never liked the phrasemore than friendsbecause your friendship is already a lot, it’s the most precious thing in the world to me. And music has always been precious to us, I think you need it the same way that I do. So yeah, I do want more. I can’t do this in-between, where we’re friends with benefits, I can’t live in the liminal state of this cruise ship forever. I want everything. What do you want?”

She just looked at him, and if it madehernervous when he thought before speaking, then this silence was absolutelycrushing. He knew Micah cared about him. He knew she was attracted to him—god knows if nothing else had come out of this whole experience, it had proven to him that sexual tension hadneverbeen their problem. But either she wasn’t capable of committing to him, or she just didn’t want to.

She’d also started to shiver. He stepped closer to her, rubbing his hands down her bare, goose-fleshed arms.

“This is a lot to figure out on a cruise,” he said. “When we’re still under the influence of all those virgin piña coladas.”

She laughed, leaning into him, her forehead resting on his chest. “I’ve been buzzing since that first sip of fruit punch.”

“We don’t have to have all the answers right now,” he said. “Maybe we just go back to our real lives and see how things go.”

“Ugh, ourreallives,” Micah said. “Do we have to?”

He stroked his finger down her spine, from the base of her neck all the way to the dip of her dress, until he felt her shiver again from the featherlight touch. “Not until tomorrow,” he said. “We still have tonight.”

She turned her head to kiss his throat, looping her arms around his neck until it was like they were slow-dancing, even though their bodies barely swayed. “Then I say we make the most of it.”

—

They had toseparate the next morning to pack their stuff in their respective rooms, sign off on where some of their larger gear was being shipped back to. John saw the couple he’d gotten the masks from down in the disembarkation line, and he thanked them again, taking several pictures and getting theiraddress so he could send them something from the band since they hadn’t connected at prom.

He stood with his luggage, not wanting to leave until he’d had his chance to say his goodbyes, scrolling through the number of notifications on his phone that had stacked up in the time he’d been away from cell service. Mostly it was his housemates’ group chat that had been popping off, and he saw a few choice messages—JOHN YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING LEGEND!!!!!!!was one from Kiki that made him smile—before he slid his phone back in his pocket to deal with later. He really did miss his housemates, he realized, and was excited to see them again after these days away.

“Hey,” Micah said from behind him, and he turned. He already missedher, even though there she was standing right in front of him. For a second he wanted to rewind back to the night before, wanted to just say,Yes, I’ll come to L.A., I’ll stay with you for as long as you’ll have me. But he knew it wouldn’t fix any of their problems. It would just delay the inevitable conversation, and he didn’t want to engage in delay tactics anymore.

She had her silver suitcase and her bag, together with her guitar case, which he presumed was empty unless she’d used it to pack more of her clothes. Which, come to think of it…

“That’s my shirt,” he said.

She glanced down at her T-shirt, black with white jagged letters spelling out the band nameFinal Revelations, before glancing back up to grin at him.

“I underpacked for this trip,” she said. “And you seemed to have shirts to spare. I figured it was the least you could do for keeping my guitar so long.”

“You should take it,” he said, sliding the case off his back. He meant it—the guitar had been a gift for her, he’d always wanted her to have it—but he still expected her to turn it down. She had an expression on her face like she was about to. Then she reached out, grabbing onto one of the straps and hefting it on the opposite shoulder from her purse.

“If you think this means I’m going to whip your shirt off and give it back to you, I’m not.”

He twisted his hand in the hem of that shirt, pulling her closer to him. He still couldn’t believe that he could touch her that way, much less so publicly without worrying that someone would catch them out. He still felt dizzy with it, although some of that might be the sensation of standing on solid ground again after five days on the sea.

“Damn,” he said. “That’s too bad.”

He wanted to say more to her—he had so much he almost didn’t know where to begin—but then Steve and Frankie walked up, dragging their own luggage behind them.

“The gang’s all here!” Steve shouted, leaning in to snap a quick selfie of the four of them together with his phone. “That was some performance last night, mate. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Yeah, I don’t sing much,” John said, deliberately misunderstanding him. He didn’t really want to get into the kiss now.

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