Page 37 of Never Been Shipped

“Well,” he said. “I should—”

“Are you dating anyone right now?” she burst out.

“No.” He paused. “Are you?”

“No.”

For a minute those short words just hung there, like that was the end of the conversation and there was nothing more to it. Micah was looking at him, her lips parted, like she was about to speak, or maybe waiting for him to. He didn’t know what she wanted him to say.

“It’s weird,” she said finally, “to think of all the people we’ve been with since we saw each other last.”

John spent a lot of energynotthinking about that kind of thing, but he thought he knew what she meant. Weird to think about these whole relationships that might’ve played out, first dates and anniversaries and fights and breakups, in these years when they’d been out of each other’s lives. He raised his eyebrows in a way that he hoped read as jokey and light, not like he was being sincere or, god forbid, trying to flirt.

“Are you asking for my body count, Micah?”

She flushed. “No,” she said. “Or I mean, you can tell me if you want. That’s something friends talk about.”

Johnhadbeen flirting, at least a little. Because the wild part was that he was pretty sure Micah had started it, had maybe started it the second she’d opened the door wearing that oversized T-shirt falling off her shoulder, although he couldn’t think why he’d gotten that feeling. Even the show had felt a bit likeforeplay. The revelation of that first kiss, so long ago, was still knocking around his brain, making him wonder if they’d both carried around wrong impressions from that false start that had affected everything after.

“Let’s not talk about it,” he said.

He’d meant that he didn’t know if he could be that kind of friend to her, one who listened to all her sex and love stories and pretended they didn’t eat him alive. He’d meant that he didn’t know how open he wanted to be about his own relationship history, worried it’d help her read between the lines in ways he wasn’t ready for.

But from the sudden light in Micah’s eyes, he wondered if she’d read something else into his words. Something more likeLet’s not talk about it, let’sdosomething about it. His gaze dipped briefly to the rise and fall of her chest before he brought it back up to her face, where she was still watching him.

“God,” she said after the silence stretched uncomfortably long. “I’m just sohorny. Aren’t you horny?”

Hearing her even say the word sent a rush to his dick. Of course he was horny. He thought of his dream that morning, howrealit had felt, the softness of her bare skin against his hand.

But he also felt…he didn’t even know what the word was. Not quite disappointed. Not quite resigned.Hopeless, he guessed. Hearing her say that word made him feel a little hopeless.

“Sure,” he said. “That’s probably why I’m going to go back to my room and jerk off before I go to bed.”

“I always wondered,” she said, “how you did that while we were on tour. The bus didn’t give a ton of privacy.”

She’dalwayswondered? What did that mean? “Shower,” hesaid, then cleared his throat. He couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. “I would do it in the shower. I assumed that’s what everyone was doing.”

She shook her head, and he closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to ask. He wasn’t—“Not you?”

“I mostly abstained. I’m, uh…” She bit her lip, giving him a smile that was such a perfect blend of shy and sexy that something in his stomach flipped. “Not very quiet.”

Something hereallydidn’t need to know about Micah, because now he wouldn’t be able to get it out of his head. Although now that he knew that, it did make it interesting that he’d never overheard her and Ryder, because that had always been one of his biggest fears while they were dating. They’d stayed in more hotels on that ill-fated European tour, which had provided some separation at least.

“I don’t think sex is a good idea,” he said, cutting to the chase. He’d given her an out, to backtrack and pretend that wasn’t what she’d been talking about, but somehow he knew she wouldn’t do that.

“Why not?”

He found that the go-to answers on his tongue didn’t really apply anymore. Because it would fuck up the band? What band. Because it would fuck up their friendship? If he was being honest—what friendship. They’d been out of each other’s lives for so long that he supposed it proved that they could be out of each other’s lives for even longer, if it came to that. But he still felt a knee-jerk panic at the idea of losing Micah in any permanent way, and he worried this was one thing they couldn’t come back from. He didn’t know ifhecould.

“Because if I touch you…” He swallowed, not sure how to finish that sentence. The dream of her was one thing. He wanted it to be real. But like, he wanted it to bereal.

“So don’t touch me.”

He bit back a smile. “That’s a loophole and you know it.”

She sat back against the pillows, rubbing her feet along the covers. Even that small rustling sound shot straight to his dick.

“Well, I’m not going to beg,” she said. “Unless you want me to.”

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