Page 43 of Caught Up

I shrugged. “I have no idea, but that’s so much money. Money that could be put toward more outreach programs or ads talking about the bill.”

“Uh-uh,” Ryan said. “None of that. Take your advocacy work out of the equation. No one would want you to put yourself in danger over it.”

I tore my gaze away from theirs. Was I really in danger? My thoughts spiraled back over the past several years. NT95 had been Junior, all this time, just quietly being my number one supporter, never demanding too much, never crossing a line. He was always the first to congratulate me after a rally or a meeting with a politician, and he always asked how my day was when we chatted, like he actuallycaredabout me. He was even the one who told us to switch from a VPN to Tor to keep our location hidden online. And not for nothing, but I’d neverfeltlike I was in danger in his presence. Not back in high school, and not even now, knowing that he was probably a dangerous man.

Ryan studied me. “You want to accept it, don’t you?”

I glanced down and ruffled the fur behind Walter’s neck, mulling it over. “I don’t know if I can. You were there afterward. You saw what I was like.”

They nodded, looking solemn. “I remember.”

“You know what’s terrible? I’m trying to think of the last time someone got me this worked up, and I’m drawing a complete blank.”

They shrugged. “It makes sense. A man you used to be obsessed with suddenly shows back up in your life, trying to make things right, and now he’s the one obsessed with you? Anyone would get worked up about that.”

“Maybe, but I don’t love the fact that he’s essentially been cyberstalking me.”

“Me neither,” Ryan said.

“But what if it was all so he could make sure I was safe? Does that somehow make it okay?” I rubbed my face in my hands. What was this guy doing to me? Mybrainfelt itchy.

“I don’t know, Lauren,” Ryan said. “I wish I could be more help than this, but you know him much better than I do.”

I sighed. “God, what I wouldn’t give to be Taylor for a few days, to just take things in stride and not constantly overanalyze everything.”

“Seriously,” Ryan said. “And I know she’s not here, but I feel safe in speaking for the both of us when I say that we’ll support you no matter your choice.”

I leaned over and hugged them. “You’re the best.”

They squeezed me back. “If youdodecide to go through with it, Taylor and I are coming along and standing right outside the door of the arcade. With weapons. And Walter. Just in case.”

I glanced down at our angel baby, still pressed to my side, his elephant stuffy clutched in his mouth, dark eyes innocent and guileless as he stared up at me. “Not sure what help Walter will be,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “Besides a tripping hazard.”

Ryan chuckled, then quieted for a moment before saying, “You don’t have to make a decision tonight.”

“I know,” I told them.

I was still so torn. Despite the fact that I’d forgiven Junior for what he’d done to me back in high school, it didn’t mean that I wouldeverlet him back into my life. He’d shown me that he couldn’t be trusted with my heart, and I believed him.

On the other hand...

If I was being totally honest with myself, I wanted to fuck him. Hard. Dirty. Rough. I wanted everything his reputation promised. I wanted him ruthless. Wanted him to use me like his plaything. And maybe that was because it would be easier to keep myself from getting attached if there was no gentleness or affection, or maybe that was because it was just how I liked it. Either way, the longer I thought about it, envisioned myself dropping to my knees in that photo booth and choking down Junior’s dick, the more I wanted it.

This could be the closure Taylor mentioned when I first told her about my past. One last hookup with the man who’d hurt me, one final,goodmemory to say goodbye forever and move on with my life.

I lifted my gaze back to Ryan. “Will you think I’m stupid if I say yes?”

They shot me a look. “Of course not. I just want you to be safe.”

“Me, too. Are you serious about coming with me?”

They grinned. “I mean, notcomingwith you, but yes, I’ll be nearby with a bat if he turns out to be an asshole.”

That was no idle threat. They’d played baseball all the way through high school and had a killer swing. Maybe literally if Junior pushed his luck.

“Thank you.”

They nodded. “And you know Taylor will be there with bells on.”

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