Page 30 of Caught Up

My palm muffled her response.

“Are you going to scream?” I asked.

She shook her head.

I pulled my hand away, but I kept the rest of myself shoved tight, not wanting her to bolt again if she suddenly turned skittish.

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” she said, her voice low and angry, her body betraying her as she pushed back into my arousal. “I lost all my friends. People thought I was crazy. I had to change schools, Junior.”

I wrapped an arm around the top of her chest and pulled her into me. Fuck, she felt good. Warm, welcoming. Small enough to tuck her head beneath my chin. “I remember,” I said. “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.”

She twisted in my arms and tried to shove me away, but I only held on tighter. “You ruined my life!” The words were punctuated with a fist to my chest.

“I know,” I said as another punch glanced off my shoulder, this one weaker than the first, like her heart wasn’t in it. “I wish I could go back, but I can’t. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. Beat Principal Michaels up again? Plant more drugs on Kelly?”

She went so still it felt like she’d stopped breathing. “What?”

I shifted, rubbing the side of my face against her temple. “Come on, Lo. You never wondered how Kelly wound up facing drug charges? Or why the man who refused to punish the worst of the bullies spent that summer in the hospital?”

“I thought it was a car accident,” she breathed.

My lips skimmed the shell of her ear. “It wasn’t.”

She pushed back to stare up at me. “You did that?”

I’d done a hell of a lot more over the years, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. “I did. It was the least they deserved. Just say the word, and I’ll do worse.”

“No, I...I don’t want that,” she said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. “I don’t want anyone hurt on my account.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, smirking.

A slap to my shoulder. “Yes, psycho.”

Unable to help myself, I ground closer to her, pushing her back against the wall, knowing she could feel how hard I was. “Then tell me what to do, Lo. Tell me how I can make you feel better. You want me to confess everything online? Tell the world how much I wanted you? I’ll do it.” Another lie, but I prayed she wouldn’t call my bluff. Dad couldn’t know about this. Not yet. From his tone the other night, he was just as against Lauren and I being together now as he was when we were kids.

She shook her head. “I don’t want that either. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me, especially not the assholes from the old neighborhood.”

“Then tell me what youdowant.”

She was quiet for a beat, but then a slow,evilsmile spread over her face, and when she finally spoke, her voice was steady, unwavering. Determined. “I want you to grovel.”

I reared away from her. My gut reaction was to tell her to go fuck herself and then walk back out of her life. Me, Nico Emanuel Trocci,grovel? I was the one who made demands, made the rules. Who the fuck did she think she was talking to?

This is Lauren, you asshole,I reminded myself.

Still, it took me far too long to claw my way back from the brink. Goddamn this fucking temper of mine. Goddamn this pride. I was too used to getting my way. Too used to bouncing whenever something started to feel serious or the women I slept with tried to make demands. All my life, I’d kept things surface level. For good reason. I hadn’t been lying to Alec earlier; I didn’t want to do to anyone what my father had done to our mom. Didn’t want to put them at risk from my enemies or make them constantly fear for my life.

But the plan was to get away from my father. Somehow. And that would nullify all of my reasons for avoiding commitment. If I was going to do this with Lauren,reallydo it, I needed to start making changes. None of thishalf-in,half-outbullshit. I had to be fully committed her. Take my asshole younger brother’s advice and be willing to do whatever was necessary to get back in her good graces.

Because Lauren wasn’t just anyone. She was the first—and probably the only—girl I’d ever loved. And how had I treated her? Like she meant nothing to me, like she was no one. Sure, I’d done it to protect her, and I would never be sorry for that, but I’d also never forgive myself for how much I’d been forced to hurt her by doing so, and if this queen was seriously considering letting me back into her life, then groveling was probably the lightest punishment I deserved.

Taking a deep breath, I turned her back around to face the wall, whispering into her ear, “Only for you, Lo.”

And then I dropped to my knees.

11

Lauren

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