He closed his eyes and looked like he was praying for patience.
I knew I was being childish, but it was the only way I could think of to break the tension. The only way that wouldn’t end up with us naked, at least.
“Krista,” Jakob said, breath misting my window.
I gathered my courage and hit the Unlock button. Jakob yanked my door open the second he heard the click, and then I was out of the car and into the heat, the metal of the rear passenger door hot on my back as Jakob pushed me into it. I opened my mouth to tell him to wait a second, but he shut me up with a brain-melting kiss. His fingers dug into my scalp, big hands holding me in place. With a kick at my good foot, he had my legs spread enough that he could shove himself into the gap, closing the distance between us. There was passion here, sure, but I also felt something else in his embrace. It was like he had to be in my space to reassure himself that I was still here. That I was safe.
His tongue stroked against mine, and I moaned into him, losing myself for minutes on end. He pulled back just enough to nip at the edge of my mouth before pinching my lip between his teeth. And then he was diving back in, tongue plying mine, fingers pressing as he tilted my head back for a better angle.
Wait, what was I doing? I needed space.Space, Krista! Remember?But my goddamn hands had a mind of their own, and instead of pushing him away, I twisted his T-shirt in them and hauled him closer.
“Don’t ever fucking do that to me again,” he said against my lips.
“I won’t,” I said.
“I mean it. If this is going to work, you need to be as open with me as you want me to be with you.”
I hesitated.
He pulled back enough to look at me. “Now your face is scary.”
“Is it?” I asked. I didn’t feel like I was making afuck youface at him. I felt like I was about to cry.
He nodded. “Say it.”
“Say what?”
“Whatever it is that makes me feel like you’re about to walk away.”
He thought I was about to walk away, and that’s why my face had scared him.Oh, Jakob.Just when I got up the courage to do what was best for both of us, he had to go and be sweet again.
“I am going to walk away,” I told him.
His eyes hardened, that intractable look spreading over his features.
I rushed on before he could say anything. “At least for a few days. I need a break, a chance to think, and I can’t seem to do that when I’m around you.”
“Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know?” he asked. “Your gut is good. Your gut doesn’t want to leave. Trust it.”
My laugh was bitter. “I can’t trust myself right now. I’ve been wrong about everything the past few days, so obviously, my gut isn’t as good as you keep saying it is.”
“It is though. You’ve just been operating with limited information and making decisions based on the shitty intel we’ve given you. It’s not your fault for getting it wrong half the time.”
I shook my head. “It’s not just that. It’s not just us. I’ve been in a constant state of hyperawareness this whole time, feeling like I was a heartbeat away from danger, and I need to give my body a break from the stress.”
He pulled back a little more, smirking down at me. “Do you?”
“What? Yes, of course I do.”
His smirk sharpened. “I’ve been watching you throughout all this. Tell yourself whatever you want, but you’re the one who wanted in. You’re the one who asked to help, to be part of getting revenge on the Jokers.” He leaned in again, lips brushing my ear, voice dangerously low. “And you loved every fucking second of it. So don’t act like this isn’t the most alive you’ve felt since you stopped flying.”
I went still beneath him. God-fucking-damn it. Now that was a hard truth I didn’t want to hear. As stressed out as I’d been, as scared, as worried about Gran and myself and the entire town of Kearny, I’d felt like... like my old self. Like the Krista who had hung half out of an open bay door, a thousand feet off the ground, laughing into the rushing wind as we flew above the battlefield.
But did I want to be her? Was I so jaded that I was willing to give up what little light I’d clung to? Descend with Jakob into the darkness and revel in the seedy underbelly of society? I didn’t know. He was too close. I was too close, to him, to all of it, and this revelation only reinforced the fact that I needed to back off.
“If you two are done fornicating in my driveway, get your asses inside!” Liam called from behind us.
I glanced around Jakob to see him standing by the front door, arms crossed over his wide chest, his face a thundercloud.