Page 58 of Middle of the Night

“Nothing,” says the Marsh kid, whose name he can never remember even though they live across the cul-de-sac from each other.

“And we’re not losers,” says Russ, who knows he can talk back to Ragesh because of the Johnny connection.

Only the Barringer kid, Billy—that name Ragesh can remember—gives what amounts to a real answer. “We’re exploring,” he says with such innocent pride that it makes the Marsh boy cringe a little.

Ragesh hops down from the log and sneers. He doesn’t really know why. They’re just kids, doing stupid kid things. He and Johnny marched through the woods doing the same thing when they were that age. But even as he decides to let them pass, he can’t keep himself from saying, “There’s nothing to explore here, dipshit.”

A voice cuts through the forest. The voice of a girl. One older than the boys.

“Leave him alone, asshole.”

Ragesh sees Ashley Wallace marching his way, looking like she wants to deck him. He lifts his hands in innocence. “I was just having some fun.”

“You were picking on a kid, which is, like, so pathetic.” Ashley turns to the boys and says, “I told your mom I’d keep an eye on you, Ethan.”

Ragesh slaps his thigh. Ethan. Of course. He can’t believe he forgot that. Yet he notices the wounded way the kid talks.

“So you’re still my babysitter?”

“For today, yeah.” Ashley’s shoulders rise and fall. “I guess.”

“We’re exploring,” Billy announces.

Ashley shoots Ragesh a mean look and says, “So I’ve heard. Lead the way.”

The four of them continue pushing through the woods, and Ragesh, having nothing better to do, goes with them. He checks out Ashley as she walks, taking in her long legs in her too-short shorts and how her shirt sometimes rides up to give glimpses of her tanned lower back. Looking at her, he wants to feel desire. Or even just basicPG-rated attraction. But as usual, he can only think about the way Johnny’s lips felt against his and how part of him wanted to kiss back and how now that will never, ever happen.

Ragesh sidles up to Ashley, scratching the back of his head, not because it itches, but because he knows it makes his bicep look bigger and hopes Ashley notices that fact.

She does, and it looks like she’s impressed.

“There’s a party tonight at Brent Miller’s house,” he says.

“I know.”

“You wanna go?”

“Like, together?” Ashley says before grimacing, like she’s completely incapable of hiding her disgust.

“Forget it.” Ragesh pauses before reversing course. “Actually, no. Do you not want to go with me because of what I said to Billy back there?”

“Partly, yeah. Picking on kids half your age doesn’t make you cool, Patel. It makes you pathetic.”

Even as Ashley’s words make him wince, Ragesh can’t help but ask, “What’s the other part? Is it because of the thing in the woods?”

He hates to bring it up, mostly because it’s totally humiliating, even weeks later. But he hates the idea of Ashley being repulsed by him even more. He knows it’s fucked up, but he needs her to like him, because if she does, then maybe he’ll be able to like her back and not feel so…Well, he doesn’t know how he feels. All he knows is that he hates it.

“Behind your house,” he adds when Ashley doesn’t answer.

“I know what you mean,” she snaps. “And yes, that’s part of it. Can you blame me? You were spying on me—”

“I wasn’t. I swear.”

“Probably jerking off.”

“That definitely wasn’t what was happening,” Ragesh says.

“Then what were you doing?”

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