Page 85 of Stutter

And suddenly we’re too close, he’s taken all the air in the room, and I can feel the heat radiating off his body. He looks up, and I let my gaze follow.

There, hanging from the only beam in the room, is one branch of mistletoe with a large, red ribbon tied around it, hanging loosely but low.

Axel peers downat my lips then draws his eyes slowly back up to mine. He places his hand on my hip and when I close my eyes, putting my hands on his chest to shove him off, to tell him no, he bends. The kiss is half on my cheek, half on the corner of my lips and then he pulls me in for a hug, kissing my cheek then my temple, sliding his hands slowly from my hips to my back.

“I love you, Cookie. That will never change. You’ll always be home to me. I miss you, but I can see that you’re happy now. Truth be told, you could do a lotworsethan Jonas Anderson.” He jokes.

I shudder a sigh in his embrace. “I love you, too… Ax.” I whisper.

He tenses in my arms for barely a second, then lets me go, taking his warmth with him, like he was never here in the first place. I look down at my wrist, making sure it was a real moment.

________

The party is in full swing by the time we get to the last set of stairs (a little late because Jonas looked entirely too good in his suit to not give him a blowjob and then I had to redo my makeup) there are at least seventy people gathered, some sitting, some standing, drinks already in hand, talking amongst themselves, as the string quartet lightly plays to our right.

I hold the banister with one hand, the other in Jonas,’ keeping my eyes down on the black, shimmering satin of my gown. It has a plunging cowl neck that goes just beneath my breasts, cinching with the waist that gathers to hide the pockets on the sides, and the small train of the dress drags behind me. The back of it, like a halter dress, is held up by a string of large Swarovski crystals that glimmer like diamonds in the light. It was always my favorite dress, and I never thought I’d wear it again. My breath hitches when I see Damon and Maverick standing near the landing

“Justa little longer, baby and we’ll be in Vermont. Okay?”

I whimper just a bit over the music, my eyes bouncing between green and grey, the grins on their faces makes me feel feral, I almost run to them, missing my guys so much. I want to leap into Damon’s arms and the anxiety of not being able to makes me tremble. I smile at them, but the new cluster of people coming through the foyer ahead catch my eye and I almost stumble again.

Sabrina.

She looks different. Fuller. And her hair is different. More caramel than platinum. I try to remember what she looked like at Tyler’s wake but all I remember was she was still wearing her coat when she came to speak to me. She sees me, the man beside her is tall, dark and handsome. He looks familiar as well, but I can’t remember where I know him from. He looks…dangerous. She clutches his bicep, and he looks like he would rather be anywhere but here.

Same.

We reach the landing and not being able to say hello or kiss my men deeply, I do a simple nod in their direction. Jonas puts his hand on the small of my back, the heat of his palm on my skin soothes me, reminding me this isn’t forever. This is just now.

I have to get through the shitty part, in order to get to the good part of my life. It won’t be like this forever.

I search for Sabrina in the crowd. I may not be able to talk to her, but I… I want to say… I want to… pat her hand?Ugh.

I can feel my frustration wanting to get the best of me. One day… one day I’ll tell her everything. Until then… I don’t have much to offer. Not that our friendship was ever conditional. I loved Sabrina like the sister I always wanted.

Jonas spots his mother in the crowd and soon we’re on our way to greet Elena, leaving Damon and Maverick behind.

“Hello, my little darlings!” She greets, pulling me in first for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I feel eyes on me and when I look up, Sofia is gripping her flute so tightly her knuckles are white. Elena looks wonderful in a cream dress, much like mine, ithas a cowl neck, but it stops at her breasts. Her red hair and lips are done perfectly in 1950’s glam, and she’s smiling so brightly she has to be the most radiant thing in this room alone.

I love her.

“Oh, Raven you look exquisite! Then again, you’ve looked wonderful every time I’ve seen you. Are you ready for tonight?”

I nod enthusiastically, scrunching my nose up.

“Elena… how lovely you came.”

I stiffen, hearing my mother’s voice behind me. We all turn to face her.

“Yes, well, I thought, one last little shindig before we leave on our ski trip!” She says merrily.

My mother blinks. “We?”

“Oh, yes! Right after the party, we’re going to my cabin in Vermont!” Excitement radiates off the older woman and it gets me a little excited, too.

My mother smiles but shakes her head, eyes boomerang between the three of us. “But tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Raven always spends Christmas Eve with us.”

“Raven said she was at Lorne Wood last Christmas.Alone.”

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