Page 157 of Stutter

I’m slick and covered in sweat when Damon opens the door to the basement. I turn down the music, the punching bag Jonas ordered and set up slightly sways from my weak punches but hey, it’s something.

“Daddy?”

“You have a visitor.” Silver eyes gleam down at me, a smirk on his lips.

Oh.

Kinda wish he interrupted me to fuck me on the mat again like he did before my workout but okay. Maverick is the one who prefers me sweaty. Something about my scent and pheromones but I don’t care, I’m just glad he still fucks me until I’m sore and my thighs shake.

I unwrap my knuckles and throw the sweaty binding away, heading up the stairs, giggling when Damon grabs my ass as I brush past him and I stop to kiss him. Where would I be without him? Without any of them? Dead this time, for sure. Or like Axel said, a bird in a gilded cage with no way out.

I think about that a lot. Even when I don’t want to, and that’s why I’m downstairs every day, punching the shit of a bag full of sand, pretending my tears are caused by sweat in my eyes. It's harder some days than others. Hard because I could have and would have forgiven him. It’s true what I said, I would have run away with him had he just asked.

But he had so many chances to make it right. So many times we were alone while he visited me at Lorne Wood or when I first got bi-weekend home visits to come clean. Even before then… before everything… he made the wrong choice every time.

They didn’t tell me what they did to him. All I know is that he’s gone.

There are days when I think I’ll never be able to get over this… that it’ll live rent-free in my mind, unable to move past the heartache… but I already mourned myself. I’ll never be who I was everagain. There are still snippets of that girl in me and all I can do is heal her with time, let the memories fade.

The emotional pain I felt was so severe I knew Damon thought I would regress. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t catatonic for a few days after but knowing it was over, that my song had reached its final crescendo, was a weight off my shoulders.

But I take it un dia a la vez-one day at a time,one foot in front of the other.

That’s what I struggled with the most – the lack of anger and vitriol I had. I no longer feel like I’m drowning and when the memories of that night get too harsh, Kronos comes to me, and I mentally tell him everything while he lets me pet him. Lucifer, on the other hand, he’s a fucking menace. There are days I’m sure he hates me but then finds my lap the most comfortable seat in the room.

Cats, am I right?

I’m only pleasantly surprised to see Sabrina standing in the foyer, taking off her coat. She’s wearing running shoes, baggy black sweatpants, and a loose baby-pink shirt. That big scary blonde guy stands behind her. It’s not Maksim but her bodyguard who I now know as Parker.

I wave with one hand then lift both. I’m sorry.I’d hug you, but I’m disgusting right now.

Damon chuckles when he interprets for me.

She looks around nervously biting her lower lip. I’ve been signing around her since her engagement party. She clears her throat. “That’s… that’s why I’m here. I was wondering if you’d… like an extra workout partner? I’d be terrible but with the wedding coming… I just… I want to look good in my gown. The only wedding gown I’ll ever wear and… I… want to feel good about myself.”

I hold back the tears that prickle my eyes. It hurts when the people you love don’t see themselves the way you see them and if she could borrow my eyes for ten minutes, she’d know how radiant I think she is. But if this is something she’s doing for herself, then I want to be a part of it, no matter how small. I don’t tell her she’s beautiful. It’s not what she wants to hear. I don’t tellher I already think she’s a knockout because my opinion doesn’t matter. Only hers.

So I grin and nod enthusiastically, lifting my hands again, and turn to Damon to ask if he’s busy so he can interpret for me every now and then.

But it’s Parker who speaks up. “I can.” I’m surprised he can read my hands.

Sabrina winces. “No, Parker. I… I’d like to be…alonewith just her, please.” She lifts her gaze to mine and I know what she’s not saying – she doesn’t want to be seen shirtless or sweaty. And Parker looks… Parker looks a little dejected, but he fixes himself quickly. “I… I’ve been taking an ASL course online. I’m not… proficient yet but I can… decipher most things.”

My grin widens. I crook my finger at her to follow me then ask Damon if he doesn’t mind bringing down a few more water bottles later. He nods and leads Parker to the living area to wait for us.

We worked out in almost silence but when it was getting overbearing for me, she let me turn it up some.

It takes her forty-five minutes for her to call me a twat and I throw my head back and laugh, getting on the ground to lay flat on my back like a starfish.This is called corpse pose.

Her nose scrunches. ”Corpse pose?”

I giggle, nodding.Best yoga position ever.

She laughs out loud, joining me on the ground and we stare at the ceiling, the silence between us is not heavy, just nice. “You know, I think I like yoga.”

“Baby, are you teaching her your version of yoga?”

I smile wide at Jonas’ grin, reaching a hand out, making a fist, and saying yes. Sabrina sits up and grabs the shirt she got rid of thirty minutes ago. Throwing it on over her sports bra.

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