Page 153 of Stutter

“Are you really that blind?” he laughs but it’s not funny, the smile on his face doesn’t reach his eyes and there’s not enough air in the room. He presses his firm lips to mine and my brain short circuits.

I pull away to break the kiss but all I feel is more conflicted than ever.

“Axel…” Why does the crack in his voice send chills up my spine and down my forearms and back up?

“Fix this? Please?” I plea. A rumbling noise at the base of his chest makes me want to tremble but I don’t back down.

“What is your fixation with her? Huh? Is this some kind of Cruel Intentions shit? You want to fuck your sister? Why can’t I have you both? Keep you, inseminate her-youcould have us both.”

But I don’t want him. “You would share me? Her?”

He looks alarmed but then doesn’t. “Any marriage I would enter would be a lavender marriage, Axel. In this life I can’t have you the way I want. And you probably don’t want me the way I want you, either. But if you’re begging for her because you want her, let me marry her. You can have her, and I’ll have her give me an heir to continue the legacy when the time is right.”

I shake my head. “What about when it’s time for her to givemean heir? It’ll haveyourlast name.”

“Would that be so bad?”

Yes. Because I want our children to be just that –ours.

“Fix this and you can have me.”

My life for hers.

________

It takes him three weeks before he calls me from downstairs. I walk into what looks like an intervention. Simon, Thadd, his clingy on-again, off-again girlfriend nobody in this house can stand, Ashleigh, and Jacob.

“We've come up with the perfect plan. We need you as a witness.”

My jaw drops. “You’re going to kill her?”

“The contract is iron-clad.”

I shake my head. “No. I don’t want her dead.”

Tyler stands up from the red velvet cushioned chair and walks toward me. “I don’t want this marriage. It’ll happen with or without you. You planted the seed in my brain; it’s a done deal. Jacob will be the lookout, Thadd, Ash, Simon and I will do it all. We just need you to bear witness and sign.”

I feel sick.

“This way, you don’t have to lay a finger on anyone and still be initiated. You still haven’t done yours nor have any of us. We need to do it while there’s still time.”

I'm going to vomit. Which is why I don’t understand why I nod along and say, “fine.”

________

I stand watch while they… I look away as she tries to scream when they break her leg, swallowing my bile down, tears in my eyes. But it’s better this way. This isn’t the life she wants. She’ll be trapped with nowhere to go. Her face is too recognizable. I’d know her in complete darkness – Idoknow her in complete darkness.

They close the locker with her inside and I can still hear muffled, ragged breathing and it’s when we're out and past the gardens I double over and spew everything I’ve ever eaten.

________

“Axel, Corazón! Where’s Raven?”

My blood rushes to my ears. “Oh, she said she'd meet us tomorrow before her birthday party,” I answer Sofia who smiles unknowingly and resumes looking at sketches of her designs for her fashion line.

To be so ignorant must be such bliss.

Across the desk my father’s gaze latches onto mine but I go upstairs to my bedroom.

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