Page 29 of Stutter

Maverick’s chest slowly rises and falls at her stark revelation that she’s in love with him, paling further he looks ghostly.

She slips down from her bar stool beside me and walks around to him, placing her hand on his cheek, swiping her thumb across his cheekbone. His eyelids flutter but I watch him go ramrod straight, not letting himself relax into her and she sees it, too. My heart breaks for her.

“I…t’s… oh…kay i-i-if y-y-you.. d..don’t love mmm… me… any… any… mmm… more.”

His eyes go wide. She turns and leaves us to go upstairs, stoic for now, but I know when she’s in the shower, she’s going to let the water hide her tears. Because I know my girl. I know her heart like she knows mine.

I half expected him to run after her; to chase her and apologize so we can put all of this behind us and work together. But he stays planted in his seat looking like he’s about to lose the three barely digested noodles.

Good. I hope he fucking hurls as soon as he gets home. I hope he can’t sleep, and he tosses and turns and can’t eat. I hope his pillow is warm on both sides and they make his favorite book into a movie –nota series – and ruin it.

“She’s talking?”

Damon’s gunmetal eyes glisten. “I took her to the best neurologist in the country. One thatdoesn’treport to the Monroe family. They found an old contusion in her brain from the night of her attack. It affects her speech but mostly, her vocal cords are weak from no use. She sees a speech therapist twice a week. We have her read to us every night for twenty minutes. Foryou, Maverick. Becauseyouasked her to speak. We were content with her signing. Content with her little icy glares and blinks… but you asked something of her that requires her to be out of her comfort zone. Even though she hates it, she did it for you.”

I stare at my cold noodles, the soft-boiled egg on top half hidden under veggies and bamboo. “I love when she reads to me. Weirdly it makes me feel like I’m being useful when a lot of the time, I feel useless. I know sometimes she’s trapped inside her mind. It must be chaos – all those words up there… but I want to know them all. I don’t care if she only signs to me or simply expresses everything she feels via body language and facial expressions. I always want to know how I can make it better… then I think I do. I think I have a handle on things because she had a good day. Because she went to bed smiling. Because she’s safe in my arms.” I rise and stare down at Maverick. “Butevery fucking nightsince you shoved her away, she sleepwalks. She slips away from me, fromusbecauseyouthrew her away.”

“I didn’t-“

“And that’sfine.” I wipe the angry tear that escaped me with the back of my fist that I want to punch him with. “She’s had enough people she loved pushing her away, thinking she’s everything but perfect when she is. And you piece of shitmotherfucker,” I grit my teeth so hard the roots hurt, fists shaking at my sides but then point to the stairs with one hand. “She loves you… and you threw her away like she was defective.”

“She’s not de-“

“Iknow that!” I get in his face and point to myself. “Ifucking know she’s not, you self-righteous prick. But it’s fine. It’sfine.Ilove her enough for the both of us. I could love her enough for the three of us and I do.”

“Then don’t let her do this anymore.”

I scoff then, laughing in his face. “Becausethe copswill help? More than half the cops here are in the Syndicate’s pockets. More than half of the FBI are in their pockets, too.”

“I can help-“

“And drag us down, too?”

“I have friends-“

“Oh, that’s fucking rich. You havefriends?” I mock, “We were yourfamily,and you threw us away, too.”

“Jonas, I-“

“Save it, Harrington. I’m so goddamn tired of hearing your non-excuses. You’re a fucking coward and that’s all you are.” I shake my head, dismissing him again because I’ve had more than enough of his presence tonight. “You know everything now. Do what you will. Turn me in. Turn in Damon. Whatever. But at least do itaftershe gets her answers. Give her that, at least. But her? Don’t talk to her unless it’s to apologize or leave her alone altogether. We got this. We got her. Just stay out of it.”

He opens his mouth, but I’m done. I turn and leave him behind, going upstairs to see if my girl needs me.

I find her in her room, in her bed under a heavy lilac duvet turned with her back towards me when I enter. I strip to nothing but my boxer briefs and climb into bed with her, pulling her as close to me as I can, inhaling that delicious jasmine and berries scent that clings to her skin, wanting it to cling to mine and lean over to kiss her temple when I feel her sigh deeply.

“Have I ever told you about George?”

She turns in my arms to face me and shakes her head.

I grin. “You know the big ugly gargoyle on the bell tower?”

She nods once.

“That’s George.” I chuckle softly. “The day you walked on campus, I was up there scoping the place out, talking to him,” she arches a brow, “Hey, think what you want but he’s a great listener.”

She pushes me to my back, and puts her chin on my chest, big whiskey eyes staring at me waiting for me to continue.

“I watched you get out of Axel’s douche car through my binoculars. I hadn’t even seen your face and I wanted you.” I recall. “Then you came into the dining hall and fuck, baby, I justhadtoget to know you. It was such a coincidence I saw you going to the pond the next day and then I followed you there. I tell myself it was to make sure you were safe, but I’ll be honest – it felt like divine intervention. Like I was meant to find you… fuck, I made Miss Overly switch my schedule just so I could have a reason to talk to you. To get to know you.”

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