Page 22 of Tides of Fate

This is not the pack leader or mate he wants to be.

Jamie will not let this be the man he is.

He won’t.

“Nix. I’m sorry. I was wrong to say that you shouldn’t do this or to ask you to give it up—”

“No, Jay, you are right. So very right. I should be more afraid. Why have I forgotten to be afraid?

“You only know a fraction of what he did to me. There was that long list of broken bones your friend told me about, right? And I almost lost an eye, for fuck’s sake. That should be bad enough.”

Nix looks him in the eye, finally.

“You heard the doctor. Dawson raped me, over and over. Every day for a month that first year. Every day. And then whenever he wanted me, as a treat for himself afterward.

“He said that—did I ever tell you? It was a reward he’d give himself for a job well done.

“And when I stopped crying and begging—because he liked it—he would only try harder.

“What if he tries to do that again? What if I fail, and he walks away?”

There is agony written on Jamie’s beloved mate’s face—a kind he has never seen before, but one he will remember forever.

“What if he tries to hurt Luca?”

Nix’s voice is resigned, and his scent is suddenly scorching.

He’s no longer suppressing it—not distanced from the avalanche of emotions, but drowning in them.

And somehow, that makes it worse.

“No. I don’t deserve to do this. I didn’t try to leave. Not more than one or two times. Even that last night. I knew I could love Finn, and I went ba…fuck—”

A loud, wrecked sob breaks free as he falls to his knees. Jamiemoves to help him, but Nix throws out a hand, halting him.

“No! Let me…let me finish.” His voice cracks, and Jamie can see the weight of it bearing down.

“I knew I could love Finn. I knew he would help me. And I still didn’t leave. What is wrong with me? I don’t deserve vengeance, because it’s all my fucking fault. And I don’t deserve you. Any of you.”

Only once since Nix has been awake—despite all the news, both good and bad—has he cried. Not a single tear since.

But now, he sounds like he might never stop.

Jamie approaches him slowly, tears running down his own face, and he opens his arms. Nix shakes his head, the cries turning into loud wails of despair, and he won’t let Jamie console him.

His sweet boy thinks he doesn’t deserve comfort.

“Baby. Please,” he whispers, and he knows Nix can hear him because he’s just shaking his head.

Nix is leaning toward him, though, and Jamie hopes he’s not about to make the situation worse. “I’m going to hug you now.” He slowly wraps his arms around his trembling mate, and Nix finally lets him, thank the Goddess.

Please help him. If you’re listening, please. He’s so good, and I know I fu—er—messed this up. But he needs you. Please help me say the right things.

Jamie will deny it later, but a sense of calm settles over him like a cool breeze. It pushes out his fear and soothes his hysterical wolf. He rubs his mate’s back, and for who knows how long, they sit in the setting sun while Jamie rocks him gently. Finally, Nix’s whimpers fade to tears and hitching breaths.

Jamie sees who Nix really is at that moment—not as he was when he was younger, the sunshine-y boy brimming with all the potential he should have been. Not the man Jamie had desperately wanted to see, confident, sassy, and easygoing.

Right now, Jamie sees the boy broken into a million little pieces, and he realizes that no amount of love is going to put him back together the same way. It doesn’t matter if Jamie knows how the pieces should fit; if Nixdoesn’t put them together himself, they will never hold in a way he can live with.

---