Page 66 of Tides of Fate

“Fuck. I won’t tell you it’s easy to work through this or that. once you go ten steps one way, you aren’t going to feel you could fall twenty back the other. Healing isn’t linear like that, and boy, does it fucking suck.”

Why does it have to be hard when moving forward, away from the bad stuff, is only good? Nix mourns the mental titanium-plated box that he’d kept buried at the bottom of the Marianas Trench of his mind. It had been better, even if it hadn’t been easier, because of the constant vigilance to keep it weighed down.

This open box hurts.

The wolf, who has been surprisingly quiet, perks up.Where the fuck have you been? We’re all over the place. I could have used your conviction yesterday already,Nix chastises him, because before now, the wolf had given him strength and helped keep the worst of his memories at bay.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Luca. What if it’s too hard?”

What if they find out the worst of it? What if he fucks up and they leave him?

“I’ll help you. It’s the worst cliché ever, but time does some of the work, and if you do too, it gets easier. I promise you. I won’t ever let you go through stuff alone. None of us will. Look at how Jay wanted to get under here with us, just so he could be with you.” Luca scoffs and rolls his eyes. “How did he think he was going to fit? Those shoulders would be stuck in a minute.”

They both giggle a bit at the mental picture.

“You’d have had to Hulk-lift the bed off him like he’s a damsel in a dress.”

“I think that’sdistress…”

“Not in my fantasy,” Luca laughs at his own joke. “But you get it, right? You are more than your body. You are more than your ability to work or whatever. We love you as you are, and if you never wanted to be with us in that way ever again, we would love you and want you just the same. But you never have to feel you need to earn our love, baby. Never.”

Nix feels his heart break open then, and he grabs Luca around the middle, letting his tears come. Not in sobs like yesterday, but slow and strong, so they wash down his cheeks onto Luca’s t-shirt and through to his soft, golden skin and right into his heart.

Nix can’t see it, but he can tell.

Because it helps. It helps him feel lighter. Not entirely free, but he has hope he can be. Someday.

They lie there like that, with Tsuki snoring up a storm and Luca using his t-shirt to wipe Nix’s tears. Much later, there are thundering footsteps in the hall, and then Rowan’s whine as someone drags him away before it’s quiet once again.

It must be dinner time.

Nix’s family is eating together, and they’re celebrating one of the people Nix loves more than anything. He can smell something delicious, and his tummy rumbles, despite him not being sure at all he can eat. Luca’s follows soon after. They try to hold it in but can’t and giggle softly.

“I’m hungry,” Luca whines but makes no move to get out from under the bed. “Someone ate all the crackers and cheese.” He nudges Nix’s shoulder.

“Wasn’t me—Tsuki did it.”

Luca snorts before he breaks into a grin, a dimple popping in his cheek. “Hey, that’s going to be great! Tsuki-baby, you are about to be in more trouble than you’ve rightly earned. Welcome to the team.”

“What team? Besides, you like trouble, Luca Wilde. Youaretrouble. The personification of trouble.”

But he’s Nix’s trouble and the very best kind.

“Yeah, yeah. Still, who knows when I’ll need a scapegoat…er…dog. Scape-dog? Hmmm.”

Nix loves that his mate is actually thinking about whether a scape-dog is a thing. He loves him so much, and for now, he’s going to believe him and Gray when they tell him they really love him—he needs to, so badly.

“Do you think Gideon will be mad if we don’t dress up for dinner? I’m hungry, but I am too fucking tired.”

“Ha. No. He’ll be happy you’re there, and Jay? He’ll be so happy, he might even cry. Besides, it smells likeDon’t Fuck It Up Ragu.You gotta try it. It’s the birthday boy’s favorite—Gideon is so sentimental like that.”

He sighs like a lovesick fool.

“Gideon is sentimental?” Nix asks as he pushes Tsuki out in front of him so he can get out from under the bed.

It’s disorienting, being so out in the open, but Luca is smiling at him over the mattress.

“Feels weird, eh? It gets better, I promise. Come on, I need a fresh shirt. Someone got snot on mine. But yes, heisso sentimental. Did you know he has pressed flowers from Leo in a book of love poems? Not on his bookshelf, but in his bedside table. And he makes these tiny fortune cookies with handwritten notes inside for Ro—one for every day when we’re on the road. I mean, they’re usually dirty, but most times they’re not mean. So that’s sweet, right?”

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