Page 97 of Roommating

She shakes her head.

I deflate. “Oh, Marcia. I’m so sorry.”

“He apologized for keeping me from Adam for so many years, which was something.” She slides a broccoli floret from one side of her plate to the other.

“For sure.” I feel abutcoming on.

“But he downplayed the harm that was done, suggesting the months we spent together now make up for the ten years we were apart.”

“Every minute counts,” I whisper, thinking of Nana. We had more good years than bad, but the bad doesn’t cancel out the good and the good doesn’t cancel out the bad. All the moments have meaning.

“He also assumed I was at an age where my sexuality didn’t matter anymore. I questioned whether he thought he’d still be sleeping with his wife when he was seventy, and he said he hoped so. I said, ‘Well, there you go.’”

“You tell him, Marcia!” I clink my wineglass against hers.

She smiles before taking a sip. “He asked if I was dating someone and when I said yes, he asked me his name. I answered, ‘Sharon.’ The air got so quiet, like dead-of-night quiet. He didn’t say anything negative, but the silence spoke volumes. We ended the call with some promises to all get together soon. I guess it’s progress, but not the outcome Adam wanted.”

I study her heavy eyes and dropped shoulders. “Is it fair to say it’s not whatyouwanted either?”

She tosses her napkin over her plate. “I didn’t have my hopes up. I’m more sorry about Adam. If he’d told me this was his plan, I’d have warned him he was setting himself up for disappointment.”

“I understand why he thought he needed to go, and I can’t fault him for wanting to facilitate peace between you and Jeffrey.” I fiddle with my napkin. “My grandmother and father were also estranged, and while I want nothing to do with him… and the feeling appears to be mutual… he’s her son and I know it killed her not to have a relationship with him.” I give Marcia the back cover–copy version of my family’s history, including my regrets about Nana.

Her eyes are wet when I’m done. “I can’t believe I didn’t know this.”

I’d love to say I didn’t purposely keep the information from her, but it would be a lie. “I was too ashamed to confess my crimes against my grandmother to another grandmother.” I rearrange the vegetables on my plate. “I was also afraid you’d look at me differently.” My throat closes up and my nose tickles. I can’t bear the idea of Marcia hating me.

Her face falls. “Oh, honey. In the short time you’ve been in my life, you’ve added so much good. Your heart is pure. There’s verylittle you could tell me to make me think otherwise. And this isn’t it.” She goes on to assure me that Nana Lena knew I was working through my issues and would come back to her eventually. By the time she’s rested her case, I’m so much lighter and wish I’d confided in her months earlier. Then she stands and insists on a hug. There’s no resistance on my part.

When we’re seated again, Marcia puts her hand on mine. “Let’s get back to you and my grandson. You miss him.”

I nod, although it wasn’t a question. There’s no sense denying the undeniable. “I do. We bonded pretty quickly, but it was purely platonic. Then you had your health scare and told him to move out, which led to our battle, and now he’s gone.”

Marcia raises an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure that’s the redacted version, but I understand.”

My cheeks burn. “Anyway… somewhere in the middle of all that, we caught feelings for each other, but it’s too late now.”

“Why is it too late?”

“Because he left!”

Marcia places her elbows on the table. “So? Philadelphia is less than two hours away.”

I push my lips out. “True. But his last long-distance relationship didn’t end well.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Right after college.”

She waves a hand. “Different time, different girl. Did you even ask him to stay in New York rather than move back to Philly?”

I shake my head. “It wasn’t my place. He’s not my boyfriend. Didyou?”

“I did. But I’m his grandma. Not a pretty girl his own age whowantsto be his girlfriend.”

Another truth not worth the energy of refuting. “He had a job and an apartment waiting for him. Not to mention his deal with your son.”

“He agreed to move back to Philly in exchange for Jeffrey calling me. Both men held up their end of the bargain. No one said it had to be a permanent move.” She quirks an eyebrow.

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