Page 66 of Roommating

I bite down on my lip as that pesky guilt washes over me again. I’m grateful when Carley changes the subject until she brings it back to the old one.

“Okay. Back to Europe. I love that you’re having great sex, but you’re doing it athome. Boring. You need to get out of Manhattan, and not just to Connecticut to visit your mom.”

“Like I said, I wish I could.” This time, I say it with more force. Discussion over.

Her expression softens. “When was the last time you took a vacation that wasn’t astaycation?”

I don’t even need to think about it. “Spring break, junior year of college. Destin, Florida. But my mom paid for it.” I was still technically her dependent and since she’d paid for Audrina to go to Panama a few years earlier, she said it was only fair. “I’m on my own now.”

Carley leans forward in interest. “Was it Sabrina gone wild?”

I recall my five days of bordering-on-hedonistic activities with the vivid yet also cloudy memory made possible with the help of alcohol and lift my chin proudly. “It was.” As hedonistic as one can get while remaining faithful to her steady boyfriend at home.

“It will be even better with me,” she says assuredly.

“I’ve no doubt.” I look longingly at the slice of quiche lorraine the waitress sets at the table next to us. It was what I wanted but cost three times what I paid for my apple turnover. A girl who budgets breakfast has no business planning a trip to Europe. “I don’t see how I can swing it.”

Carley looks thoughtful. “I’m going to come up with an economical way. We’ll stay at hostels and research cheap eats.” She scrolls her phone and frowns. “Clearly, I won’t be able to live like these people. When building my TikTok brand, I should have focused my efforts on travel instead of makeup.”

“But you’re a makeup artist and you love it.”

“This is true. But if I were a popular travel influencer, I’d have sponsors paying for my trip and could take you as my guest.”

“Unpaid model for makeup tutorials versus travel companion at no cost.” I gesture like I’m weighing both options and tsk-tsk. “Yeah, what were you thinking?”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

After Carley leaves me to run errands for a welcome-to-Manhattan party her family is throwing for a cousin who just moved here from the Midwest, I walk to the library with visions of croissants in France, beer in Belgium, and red telephone booths in England dancing in my head. The truth is, I’d love to join Carley on a trip to Europe this summer.

Growing up, we didn’t go away much, aside from a few vacations to Florida and one trip to Scottsdale, Arizona when my mom was there for a business conference. While she schmoozed with bigwigs, Audrina and I had our first massage and facial. It was during that vacation when Audrina decided she wanted to work in a spa one day, and she’s now the assistant spa manager at a fancy day spa. But I’ve never been out of the country, not even to the Caribbean.

My shift at the library doesn’t start for another hour, but it’s raining outside. Adding bulky umbrellas to already congested city streets makes walking in Manhattan a bit of a nightmare. Rather than wander around the neighborhood aimlessly or spend money I don’t have on more coffee to justify staying at the bakery longer, I arrive at work early and head straight to the back room.

I open my Rocket Money app hoping there’s a way I can swingEurope with Carley after all. She’s right that I’m only twenty-four but live like I’m the single mother of two—like my mom did—sacrificing play for work. But unlike my mom, I don’t have dependents relying on me. Taking a break wouldn’t hurt anyone except, perhaps, myself. My salary potential will increase once I finish my master’s degree, so putting it off will delay my ability to comfortably order quiche lorraine at Le Pain Quotidien that much longer. A vacation will also put me further in credit card debt since I definitely don’t have enough money saved to pay for it outright.

I realize while scrolling through my sorted expenses that unfortunately most are nonnegotiable, like rent, phone, and my share of the groceries. I could cancel my NYSC gym membership, but with my student discount, it costs me so little it wouldn’t make much of a difference, and if I don’t allocate some money for food and drinks with friends, my mental health will suffer.

I tap my nose in thought. Payments on my school loans aren’t due until six months after I graduate. Would it be worth it to stop paying the minimum balance early? Or drop to one class a semester? I lower my head to the table in defeat. I’m not going to find a solution right now so I might as well take a nap.

“You’re here.”

I look up at Adam’s smiling face and my belly flips.

“Can I join you?” He waves a cardboard box with a sandwich from Pret and a bag of salt-and-vinegar kettle chips at me.

“Of course.” I sigh.

“What was that for?”

“What?”

“The sound you just made.” He mimics me by taking a sharp inhale then letting it outloudly. “Are you tired or frustrated?”

“Both?” Maybe if I got a different library job with more hours, Icould swing Europe. But it was a stroke of luck that I got this one. And I was just promoted! There’s no way lightning will strike twice. Besides, I love this library and my colleagues. And now Adam, who’s staring at me, waiting expectantly for more details, is here too, at least for now. I don’tloveAdam, but I sure do like him a lot, despite not knowing what we’re doing. “I told Carley I can’t afford to go with her to Europe this summer.”

“And you want to go?” He takes a bite of his egg-salad sandwich.

I point to the budgeting app on my phone. “Yes. If only I had access to my trust fund.”

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