Page 69 of The Boyfriend Swap

I told them.

“Absolutely not,” my father insisted. “You’re not taking a gap year. You’re not eighteen years old, or even twenty-two, for crying out loud.”

I sighed. “I just need a break, Dad. Maybe it will be a few weeks, maybe a month, maybe a year, but I need it and I’m doing it.”

“What is this about, Sidney?” my mom asked in a much calmer voice than my dad.

“I’m tired of going, going, going. Something’s gotta give.”

“You’retired? Try being in your late fifties and running your own law firm and then we can talk.” Under his breath, my dad muttered, “She’s tired.”

“You all said it yourselves at Christmas. I’m so focused on the bottom line and winning that the rest of my life is suffering. I need to find balance, but I can’t without giving myself time and space to decide what really makes me happy. I think law and beating our adversaries bring me pleasure, but it’s all I know.”

“Is this about Goldberg? Because—”

The next words out of my father’s mouth didn’t matter. “It’s not. I made this decision over the weekend, before I knew about Michael.”

“What will you do?” my mom asked.

“Barb. Don’t humor her.” My dad glared at the phone as if my mother could see him.

Ignoring him, I said, “I want to go to Barbados for an extended vacation. It could be a few weeks or it could be three months, but I’ll purchase a return ticket to keep immigration off my back. I’m not even asking you to pay.”

“Good. Because the answer would be a resounding no,” my dad barked. “As if I’d pay for my daughter to abandon her responsibilities.”

I groaned. “Dad. I won’t leave for another two weeks or so. I’ll make sure all my cases are in order first. I’ve always done the right thing in the past and think I’ve built up a lot of goodwill to demonstrate I’m not a screw-up and would never put the firm in jeopardy. I’m not planning to start now. I genuinely need to go and find myself, as corny as it sounds.”

“It sounds very corny,” my dad mumbled.

“Is this about losing Perry?” my mom asked.

“No! This has nothing to do with Perry.” I pulled on my hair. “He wasn’t even my boyfriend. We made it up. You happy now?” I sat up sharply, my fingers curled tightly around the rim of the chair.

My parents gasped in harmony before going silent.

I’d done the impossible—I’d rendered Harvey and Barbara Bellows speechless. Dropping my shoulders, I said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. It’s not about Perry. It’s about me. But, yes, I was so desperate for something of my own that I chose to bring home a flaky actor as my boyfriend thinking he wouldn’t register on the Bellows & Burke radar scale. In the process, I hurt my real boyfriend, and he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was wrong about everything, and I’m sorry I lied to you.” I was remorseful about so many things and desperately needed this recess.

“I thought Perry really liked us,” my mom said, her tone heavyhearted. “But it was all an act.”

In hindsight, the surprising shine my mom took to Perry was endearing. “His fondness for you guys wasn’t for show, just his affection for me. But that’s not the point.”

“I’m still waiting for you to get to it,” my dad said. At least he didn’t seem too shook up over my trickery.

“I’ve spent all my adult life chasing one goal after another. First it was the LSAT so I could follow in Dad’s footsteps by getting accepted to Columbia Law. Then it was Law Review, followed by the Bar exam, working more hours than any summer associate ever.” I gawked at my dad. “What summer associate bills three hundred hours a month? They’re usually drinking or feasting on caviar, but not JB here. And now it’s a constant battle to prove I earned this job. I’m only as good as my last month’s billables. Just five minutes ago, your newest partner rubbed it in my face that the firm rewards hard work and performance over nepotism. As if I’m so entitled to think you’d make me partner because you’re my dad.” I let out a deep, frustrated exhale. “I’m so used to battling it out in here that I don’t know how to live out therewithout having my guard up or being uber aggressive. I must win all the time, from arguments, to silly competitions, even to hailing taxis. If you make me stay, I’m going to resent you and my job, and guess who will suffer the most besides me?”

My dad blinked at me. “Who?”

“The firm and its clients. On the flip side, if I take this time, I might just come back a new person.”

“What if you’re so new you don’t want to be a lawyer anymore?” my dad asked.

Seeing the fear and vulnerability in his eyes—something he didn’t display very often—threatened to bruise my heart more than any breakup ever had. He deserved my honesty. “If that happens, you won’t have to pay my salary anymore.” My dad opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off. “But I’ll always be your daughter, and I’ll always make you proud. It’s in my blood.”

My dad stared at me for a moment. Finally, he gave a reluctant smile and nodded. “What do you say, Barb?”

“When Cherry Bomb’s mind is set, there’s no stopping her,” my mom said. “I think she gets it from her father.”

Robyn

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