Page 79 of The Boyfriend Swap

“The reason I’ve always dated actors and the like is because I assumed no regular guy would find me attractive.” I’d never said it out loud before. The knots in my belly tightened.

There was a beat of silence and I braced myself until my mom finally responded. “On what did you base this assumption?”

I sighed. “The only boys who expressed interest in me in high school were other theater geeks. No one else asked me out.” The explanation sounded beyond silly as it slipped off my tongue, and I couldn’t believe I’d let it rule my life for so many years.

“The only boys youspoketo in high school were theater geeks.” My mom grunted. “And the only so-called ‘regular’ boy who mattered to you was Will. He didn’t ask you out, and you attached his disinterest to every other regular man since.”

My cheeks burned at my mother’s accurate psychoanalysis and I curled myself into the fetal position on my bed. “Uh-huh.”

“Will’s legal profession certainly qualifies him as a regular person. Can you live with it?”

My heart ached at how much I missed Will. Even running stupid errands with him was fun. “I was a goner from the moment I saw him again. He called me ‘Snow,’ and it was like I’d time traveled to when I was fifteen years old and lovestruck.” I groaned. “More than ten years later and nothing’s changed.”

My mother yelped. “How can you say nothing has changed?Everythinghas changed. You know each other now. Will told you he likes you. More importantly, he showed you. He went to bat for you and your school. He’s the Prince Charming to your Snow White.”

Her words both frightened and thrilled me, and my limbs tingled in a combination of both emotions. “You think it was him? The lawyer who rescued the music program—you think it was Will?”

“I do, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Doyouthink it was Will? And if so, what are you going to do about it? The Robyn from yesteryear was too inexperienced and shy to let her affection for Will escape the confines of her daydreams. And it’s very possible the Will from high school wasn’t ready for someone like you anyway. The adult version has already expressed his interest though, even after spending three days with your crazy family. But is the grown-up Robyn ready to take things with Prince Charming into the real world, or would she rather keep dating Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleepy? I’d include Bashful, but your ghosts of boyfriends past, especially Perry, have been anything but.”

“Twenty-something Robyn is definitely ready. Being with Will feels right.” I imagined a reality in which Will and I were an actual couple and my heart swelled before pounding in fear. “But what if I’m wrong? What if it wasn’t Will who rescued the music program? What if my first reaction—that he only asked me out as an anger-inspired knee-jerk reaction to what happened between Sidney and Perry—is right? I’m not sure I could dust myself off if he told me I was right all along and he isn’t interested.” I hadn’t heard from him since our telephone conversation. If he went through the effort of getting his law firm to sponsor my school’s music program, wouldn’t he want to tell me?

“I didn’t raise my children to live in fear. What do you think about taking chances? How about jumping off the ledge?”

“Thank you, Celine Dion.” I chuckled, but I knew my mom was right. I had to take the risk. If Will was the mastermind behind saving my school’s music program, I needed to thank him and apologize for doubting his intentions. Considering the way I’d blurted out the intensity of my crush on him over the phone, he shouldn’t be too surprised to know my desire to date him for real trumped everything else I wished for in my life, aside from world peace and a cure for cancer. If the offer was no longer on the table, it would hurt, but I’d get on with my life eventually. What I couldn’t live with was not knowing. Until I knew for sure, the longing wouldn’t go away. It would fester and infect me from the inside out. My decision was made.

Chapter 21

Sidney

I slipped on the cashmere cardigan I kept on my chair at work and rubbed my hands together. The average temperature had dropped at least three degrees a day over the last week, reminding me I wasn’t in Barbados anymore. Although such a thought would probably depress most people and make them long for their next vacation getaway, I was still riding the high of my return to work even two weeks later. Time away from the Big Apple and my overflowing responsibilities at work made me appreciate both. I functioned much better in the city that never slept, where my schedule was too full to waste time dillydallying, than I did in the Caribbean, where lazy days stretched as far as the sandy beaches.

There was only one thing keeping me from loving my job. (Two things if you counted Mike Goldberg, with whom I was still playing nice even though it was killing me softly.) I still hadn’t resolved my issues with Anne Marie. I couldn’t hold her loyalty to Robyn against her—she was her roommate and close friend, and I was the homewrecker who likely caused Robyn and Perry’s breakup—but I missed our easy working relationship and the friendship we’d begun to forge until the fateful day of their wine party when the boyfriend swap was born. I took a deep breath and lifted myself to a standing position. With my almost-empty coffee cup in tow, I approached her desk outside my office. “Hey, Anne Marie.”

She lifted her blonde head and met my eyes. “What’s up, Sidney?” Her tone wasn’t nasty, but it wasn’t congenial either—strictly professional.

I pretended I didn’t notice the lack of warmth. “I was thinking of heading to Lord & Taylor after work. I can’t keep pretending it’s not cold enough to wear a hat and scarf. Do you want to join me for some shopping? Maybe get a glass of wine after?”

Anne Marie’s mouth fell open. “Um…I…” She pressed her lips together and bit down on her bottom one.

I could tell she was wracking her brain to come up with a believable excuse, but it was late in the day and I’d kept her too busy with work assignments and probably drained all her creative juices. Putting her out of her misery, I said, “I know you’re not happy with me these days, and I don’t blame you. What happened with Robyn’s boyfriend—”

“Ex-boyfriend,” Anne Marie uttered in a soft voice, confirming my suspicions that Perry and Robyn had broken up.

I patted down my bangs. “I won’t try to make excuses for what we did, because no matter how you slice it, it was wrong. I’m so sorry for hurting your friend and betraying your trust. I can’t turn back time, but I’m asking for your forgiveness. I miss you, Anne Marie.”

Anne Marie sighed. “Robyn wasn’t even hurt. She was going to end things with Perry anyway. I was shocked by how well she took the news. But you didn’t know that.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you messed around with my friend’s boyfriend. I trusted you.” Her face turned red. “I never would have supported your stupid boyfriend swap idea if I didn’t.”

My first instinct was to defend the boyfriend swap idea. It was brilliant—in theory—but I swallowed down my pride in the knowledge this was one of those battles I needed to let someone else win. Even I had to concede the plan had some disastrous consequences. The guilty feelings gnawing at my stomach were another reminder I should keep my mouth shut except to apologize again. “I’m so sorry. I got caught in the moment. Perry…he was…” I closed my eyes and I was back in the pantry with Perry right before I launched myself at him. I opened my eyes. “Forget it, there’s no justification. We were wrong. Period. End of story. Please let me try to make it up to you.” I looked at her pleadingly.

Anne Marie studied my face for a moment as if trying to gauge the level of sincerity in my words. Eventually, she let out a long sigh. “Fine. It doesn’t make sense for me to hold a grudge on Robyn’s behalf.”

I felt like a fifty-pound kettle bell had been removed from my back. “I’m so glad. So…Lord & Taylor?” I really did need a new hat.

Twirling a hair around her finger, Anne Marie said, “I actually do have plans tonight, but I’ll take a rain check for that drink.” She paused. “Your treat,” she added with a smirk.

Snickering, I said, “My treat for sure.” I glanced at my coffee cup. “I need more caffeine. Can I get you anything?”

“No, thanks.”

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