Page 4 of The Boyfriend Swap

Anne Marie chuckled. “You two have something in common.”

“Your parents stifle you so much, you’re thinking of asking them for an oxygen tank for Christmas too?” I asked Robyn.

She chuckled before slowly shaking her long raven waves. “No. But Anne Marie knows I’m on the fence about taking Perry home for the holidays. My parents make it no secret they think he’s a flake. I don’t want to spend the entire time defending my relationship choices or playing referee to my mom and Perry. But the only other option is to leave him home alone.” She pushed out her naturally glossy lips. “I can’t do that to him on Christmas.”

I closed my eyes and smiled dreamily. “IwishWill were a flake. My parents would take no interest and I might actually enjoy Christmas in peace.” Opening my eyes, I said, “As it stands, the minute I introduce them to him, any semblance of personal space I’ve managed to maintain thus far will burn to ashes. A struggling actor would serve me much better this Christmas.”

“And my parents would love for me to bring home a lawyer or anyone whose job comes with health insurance,” Robyn said with a sigh.

Anne Marie adjusted the black elastic headband keeping her long bangs off her forehead. “If only you guys were dating each other’s boyfriends, it would be a holly jolly Christmas for all. Maybe you should swap boyfriends for the week.”

Her comment elicited a hearty laugh from all of us and we clinked glasses to the notion before opening the final bottle of wine. The subject of conversation turned to our plans for the rest of the weekend. I listened as Anne Marie complained about the early start of her Saturday morning boot-camp class. While Robyn spoke of an electronic music festival she was attending with Perry, I had a vision of a family dinner with Will. During the appetizer and dinner courses, my dad and Will would enjoy courtroom humor, and after dessert my mom would display my baby pictures across the kitchen table and gush to Will about my chubby thighs and ginger baby hair. At the conclusion of the evening, a professional photographer would take a family portrait of the four of us—my dad, Will, and me wearing matching “Trust Me. I’m a Lawyer” t-shirts and my mom donning one that said, “They’re my lawyers” with arrows pointing in all directions.

Then I pictured the same night with an out-of-work actor as my date. My dad would bring his laptop to the table and work through dinner until my mom told him to put it away. He’d do as told only for her to ignore him in favor of her latestCelebratemagazine. Neither would balk when I excused myself and my “boyfriend” early from the table. Then he’d go to the guest room to do his acting exercises or whatever activities guys like him did and I’d go to my childhood bedroom and sext with Will. A sudden lightness took over me at the possibility.

“What about you, Sidney? Doing anything fun this weekend?”

I shook myself out of my fantasy and faced Anne Marie. It was balls-to-the-wall crazy, but it could work. I swallowed hard before locking eyes with Robyn across the table. “I think we should swap boyfriends for the holidays.”

Robyn

I cackled. “You can’t be serious.”

Sidney took a sip of wine. “I know it sounds deranged, and when Anne Marie first said it, I laughed it off too. But the more I imagine the possibilities, the more I’m convinced your roommate here was touched with genius.” She pointed her elbow at Anne Marie.

“Thank you. Thank you very much,” Anne Marie said in an Elvis Presley impression.

I visualized walking into my parents’ colonial-style house and introducing some random dude as my boyfriend while Sidney claimed Perry as hers hundreds of miles away. “Genius? I’d call it absurd.” I laughed again.

“Give the idea a minute to percolate,” Sidney said calmly. Her mouth remained in a straight line, indicating she wasn’t joking.

My stomach quivered with unease, but I took calming breaths to settle down. According to Anne Marie, Sidney was very opinionated and sometimes wouldn’t shut up until she got her way. I’d just let her keep at it until her throat hurt or she passed out from too much wine.

Sidney continued, “If left to our own devices, the holidays are going to blow chunks, but if we pool together, we’ll all be better off. And it’s only for a few days. It’s the perfect solution to our mutual problem.”

I stood from the table and removed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I poured a glass and placed it in front of her. Hopefully she’d take the hint. The wine was clearly going to her head.

“What do you say?” she asked the minute I sat back down.

The girl had to be on more than fermented grape juice. Hallucinogenics maybe? Whatever influence she was under, she clearly believed her ludicrous plan had merit, and I was going to have to put my foot down. “I say that I’m a grown woman and shouldn’t need to lie to my parents about who I’m dating.”

Sidney nodded. “I agree. You shouldn’t.”

A breeze of relief zipped through my core. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

“Youshouldn’thave to lie, but in our case, we sort of do. If we want to make it to the New Year without requiring a straitjacket, that is.” She smiled, a slick grin I was certain both assured her clients and put the fear of the devil in her adversaries in equal measure.

At the realization she was serious, my eyes bugged out. I took a huge gulp of wine, nearly choking on the contents. This was wrong on so many levels. For one, Perry was my boyfriend. I couldn’t just lend him to someone else temporarily. It would be like prostitution. Only without the sex, of course. I also didn’t feel right lying to my parents. They’d never believe me anyway. “My folks won’t buy it. The closest I ever got to bringing home a lawyer or even going on a date with one was the time I had coffee with one of my student’s dads to discuss how to register the copyright for the original songs I wrote for the school concert.”

“What reason could you possibly have to lie? They’ll be surprised, for sure, but they’ll also be thrilled. Don’t you think?” Sidney asked.

I covered my mouth with my hand and blew out a stream of air. Perry’s ego wasn’t fragile, but he wasn’t made of stone either. He’d be hurt. Dropping my hand, I said, “Wouldn’t you feel guilty handing off your boyfriend to another girl?”

Sidney appeared to silently contemplate for a moment and I held my breath. Maybe I’d gotten to her. “I hear what you’re saying, but it’s for Will’s own good,” she said.

I narrowed my eyes. “How so?”

“Let me count the ways. For one thing, Will doesn’t like discussing law unless he’s on the clock—an impossibility in my dad’s company.”

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