Page 9 of Soldier, Tailor, Spy

She hadn’t told Jake yet. Mostly because she had been worried, he’d bust a gut and do more damage to his body than he already had. She sure as shit hadn’t told Asher yet. Telling the commander of R.O.O.T. meant he’d tell Jake.

Any lingering affection she had for her Oscar shriveled up and died on the front lawn when she heard him make the offer to those men. Though, when she gave herself a moment to process the situation, she realized her relationship with Oscar had been on the rocks for a while now. Hell, nine months into their marriage, she knew it had been a mistake. Although she cared for Oscar, she didn’t love him the way she should or the way she loved Jake. Deep down, in places Ginger didn’t acknowledge, she still loved Jake with her whole heart.

And, she suspected, but never confirmed, Oscar didn’t truly love her either. He always made it seem like she was a means to an end. For a while now, she had been thinking about divorce and reaching out to her lawyer to begin the process. Then she got pregnant, even though they hadn’t been trying. She religiously took her birth control, and Oscar always wore a condom. The intricacies of how she got pregnant should’ve been another red flag. Yet she ignored it because she didn’t want to fail at being a wife and mother again.

With the positive test in her hand, she had decided she just needed to suck it up and stay with Oscar. Unwilling to have yet another failed marriage, and another child who saw their father part-time, she pushed all the niggling questions to the back of her mind. She’d been determined to make the perfect family, no matter the costs to her. Although, right about now, she was kind of wishing she had gone through with divorcing Oscar. It’d been better than dealing with the guilt she was handling.

Again, she tried to clear her mind. She couldn’t dwell. Not right now. Not in the situation they were in. As much as she had to put on a brave face for her children’s sake, deep down, the fact she couldn’t mourn her deceased husband should have bothered her. Not even understanding her sweet little boy would grow up without his father gave her pause. Instead, she worried about the asshole up in medical who was recovering.

Dammit, Jake.

Jake hadn’t hesitated, putting himself between her family, and the likelihood of being shot. He also got a wounded Oscar out of there, too. The speed at which everything happened around her once they arrived at the base left her breathless and out of sorts. Later, Dr. Rae, who had examined them all the night they arrived, told Ginger she was in shock, and Ginger believed her. But what about today? Could she still be shocky, four days later?

Asher pushed for a quick funeral for Oscar. Because she couldn’t process anything, Ginger went along with it, knowing Jake was still sedated. She knew he’d question her lack of emotion if she told him the plan. Not even when they closed the casket and removed it from the base had she cried. Asher also assured her Oscar’s body would be buried in the spot she requested once the investigation was complete. Now, knowing what she did, she wondered if the FBI was involved.

A knock at the door had Fawn jumping up to answer it, and because of everything she’d dealt with over the last couple of days, she snapped in a rush of panic. “Don’t answer that, Fawn!”

Her sweet angel girl turned toward, making a sour face, then quickly signed that Asher had assured them they were safe there. “Don’t worry, Mom.” the ease with which her daughter accepted they were safe there should have bothered. Perhaps Fawn knew more about the strain at home than Ginger realized.

Her cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry, sweet girl, Momma’s feeling a little—”

“Crazy?” Fawn teased.

Ginger laughed and went along with it, even though she was going to say raw. She felt very raw.

“Can I get it then?” Fawn tilted her head.

She nodded. “Just don’t let them in. I’m exposed.” Ginger gestured to her naked breast and Declan, who was now gulping the milk from her breast.

Her daughter opened the door to their guest. Didn’t she tell her to not let anyone in? Scrambling for the blanket beside her, Ginger stopped when she realized it was Rae. Asher’s wife, the base doctor, and a mother herself. She was pretty sure Rae had seen a nursing mom a time or two, so she dropped the blanket.

“I hope you don’t mind?” Rae held a familiar box in her hand while a tablet peeked out from the pocket of her lab coat. The woman had brought Fawn’s replacement hearing aids. “But I just got these and figured Fawn would want them as soon as possible.”

Ginger smiled. “Thank you, she would.”

Rae motioned for Fawn to join her at the table. “This should only take a second. The audiologist you use gave me the frequency and volume needed for this set. I have to program them first before Fawn can put them in.”

“The last set came broken.” Fawn frowned. “It took forever to get my new set.”

“Well, I have been assured these are top of the line ears.” Rae grinned. “They’re Bluetooth compatible, rechargeable, and are rainbow colors.” Rae opened her tablet and typed on it for a second before placing the hearing aids next to the device. A few seconds later, she handed them to Fawn, who powered them down then back on before putting each in her ear. “Did you hear the chime?”

Fawn giggled. “Yes. Thank you, Dr. Rae.”

“My pleasure,” Rae replied, then glanced at Ginger. “How are you doing?”

Ginger didn’t know Rae, but she knew the type of women Asher would marry. They wouldn’t be a gossip girl. Deep-down Ginger knew Rae was someone she could trust. Rae sat patiently while Ginger gave her an abbreviated version of how she was feeling once Fawn had gone to her bedroom to play. “I feel nothing. I’m worried about myself mentally. Shouldn’t I be crying at least? Is it possible I’m still in shock?”

“Yes,” Rae said before leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “There is no correct way to grieve, Ginger. You know that, right?”

Ginger shrugged a little, but didn’t discount what the woman said. “I feel relief too.”

“Normal. You’re alive. You went through a traumatic situation. If you didn’t feel some kind of reprieve from the incident, I’d worry you were caught in the loop.”

“The loop?” Ginger frowned. “What’s that.”

“Where you experience the violent scene repeatedly. I know I did for a little while.” Rae shrugged. “That’s normal too, by the way.”

“Like PTSD?” She tilted her head.

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