Page 27 of Lace

Rounding the corner at the end of the hallway, Caleb risked a glance back. Levi stood alone in the deserted hallway, scarf dangling from his hand and an expression on his face like he’d just been gut punched.

Ten

There was nowhere else for Caleb to go but back to his uncle’s house. Running through the conversation they’d had in his head, he knew he’d outed all his secrets to Uncle Jason. Rather than the bus, he opted to walk. It was a last-ditch attempt to prolong the time before that moment when he found his belongings once again piled on the front lawn and himself homeless. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he wasn’t. He hadn’t seen his father’s reaction to his admission of being gay coming, either. He’d never imagined he would lose his mother one month, and his home the next just because he’d dared open his mouth and be honest about who he was. Just because he’d wanted the one person he’d thought he had left in the world to really know him.

Well, he wasn’t getting his hopes up this time. He couldn’t.

Surprise jangled through him, then, when instead of all his worldly possessions spread across the yard, he found Uncle Jase just exiting the house, phone to his ear, truck keys in hand.

“Well, if you do hear from him, Dwayne, please tell him to call me. I’m worried si—Never mind. He’s home.” Jason nodded. “I will. And thanks.”

“You were talking to Dwayne Sayer? Eric’s Dwayne?” Caleb stared at his uncle. “Why?”

“Because that’s the bar you usually go to.” Uncle Jase pocketed keys and phone and fixed Caleb with a stern glare. “So?”

Caleb shrugged, wrapped both arms around himself and dug his teeth into his bottom lip. “So what?”

“You talked to Robert?”

Caleb noted Uncle Jase used his name, not calling him either father or brother. Somehow, that left him feeling validated, connected to this man who’d opened his home to him. He shrugged and sighed. “Not like he was going to take me back with open arms, right?”

“What did he tell you?”

“Nothing,” Caleb said, voice barely above a whisper. “He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Couldn’t even fucking look me in the eye. All I am to him is proof his wife didn’t love him. I mean… they didn’t even love each other. She fucked everything in sight. Why?”

Why didn’t the man he’d always thought of as his father seem to give two shakes about him? But he couldn’t quite ask the question aloud.

“Caleb…” Uncle Jase’s arm, warm and strong, folded over his shoulders and pulled him close. “I have no idea. I wish I did. For what it’s worth, my brother had no use for me, either, or for my wish to coach, to teach kids. I should have gone into law or some other expensive and elite profession. Should have followed the family path. I refused, and they dropped me like a hot potato. I vowed I was never going to have a thing to do with any of them.” He squeezed Caleb’s shoulders as they wandered towards the front door. “Then along came that music teacher of yours, and I couldn’t very well say no when he told me you had nowhere else to go, could I?”

“Do you wish you had? Wish you could now?” Caleb stopped on the porch to their home, his feet glued to the cement, his gaze glued to the bright red paint of the door and the cheerful brass knocker.

“No, Caleb. Not for one second. I admit, I don’t… get you.” The weight of Jason’s hand landed on his shoulder and it was all he could manage to not lean towards that small amount of contact. “I’m sorry, son, but I don’t,” Jason went on. “But I’ve tried to keep my doubts and my worries to myself. I’ve tried to give you a good home. I know I haven’t done that great a job. I know I’ve put pressure on you to be someone you’re not. SomeoneIfeel more comfortable with, and I’m sorry about that.”

“Then…” Frowning, Caleb turned to face him. “What about the whole school thing? Why did you chase me out of the music program? Why?—”

“I didn’t. At least, that wasn’t what I intended. I just wanted something more stable for you. But I should have encouraged you to stay. I think you should go back, but who am I to say?”

“You already did say! You gave me an ultimatum. Business or get out. Conform or leave.” Caleb clenched his fists at his side. “I chose to stay and still that isn’t good enough. I don’t understand.”

“What do you want, Caleb? You were a kid and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. I only tried to give you direction.”

“You dictated.”

“I tried.”

“I never needed you to tell me what to do. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do. Just to let me… be.”

Jason nodded. “Something I should have understood better, given where I came from. But I didn’t expect to suddenly be responsible for a teenager who didn’t seem to know which end was up most days. I wasn’t trying to be a dictator. Just trying togive you the best possible… I don’t know.” He sighed in defeat. “I don’t know, Caleb. I never did. I just fumbled along and just… tried.” Stepping around Caleb, Uncle Jase opened the door and let them both back inside. “It wasn’t my decision to make, you’re right. It never was, and believe me, I figured that out in a hurry.”

“But you never said anything. Never told me you’d changed your mind. You let me paint you as an asshole to everyone. Why?” Caleb stopped on the welcome mat. “I don’t get it.”

“Because I’m a grown man. I know who I am. Tough as you are, you’re so young. You can hate me. I can deal with it. You have enough going on, I didn’t think you needed the stress of a career that didn’t have any guarantees. I can be the bad guy in this. I’d rather you have a stable base to build your life on, so that you canhavea life. It wasn’t fair of me to make that decision for you, and I’m sorry.”

What was he supposed to do now? All the confessions of mistakes made and apologies for doing the wrong thing still left him where he’d started. Halfway to a career he didn’t want, living in a house with a man who didn’t want to know who he really was. And a boyfriend he couldn’t risk coming out to, because what if Levi went, too?

“Whatever.” He took the stairs to his room slowly. He just had no energy left.

Eleven

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