Page 25 of Lace

Caleb nodded through the lie. He was so not okay. He didn’t even know where to start with how not okay everything was. He only knew he desperately needed Levi’s presence. His unwavering support.

A quirky grin curled up one side of Levi’s lips as he eyed Caleb, head to toe. He picked up the end of the flowing scarf. “This is new.”

Caleb’s heart pounded; his pulse thrummed. He knew exactly how girly the thing looked. Barely breathing, he studied Levi’s face. “Not really. Had it a long time.”

Levi tilted his head to one side. “I’ve never seen it.” Carefully, he untied the silk knot, then pulled the scarf from Caleb’s belt loops. “Have I?”

“I don’t—” Caleb frowned. “Don’t know.” His fingers shook when he wrapped them around the loose scarf.

Levi didn’t let go.

“What are you doing? I don’t have to…” Caleb stared at the floor. “You don’t…” He tried to smile, but it didn’t work very well. “I mean… probably don’t want a boyfriend who?—”

“Stop,” Levi whispered, holding the material close to Caleb’s cheek. “It’s cool how it brings out the green in your eyes.”

“My… what? My eyes are hazel.”

“Or green, depending what you wear.” Gentle, Levi looped the scarf around the back of Caleb’s neck, brought the ends together, and tied it in a loose knot so the ends draped along his shoulder. He smiled. “Much better.” He lifted Caleb’s face with a hand on his cheek. “Where it however makes you happy.” He touched his thumb to the side of Caleb’s mouth. “Does it make you happy?”

“I wanted to be able to feel it.” He ran the ends of the silk through his fingers.

Levi bit his lower lip.

“I know,” Caleb confessed quietly, fighting the tide of misery. “I’m a freak.”

“Don’t.” Levi’s hand fell away. He turned to face the desk, leaning all his weight on it with both hands. “Don’t say things like that, Cally. You aren’t being fair.”

“Fair?” The sight of his lover’s back, tense and hunched against him, made Caleb’s stomach collapse in on itself, a crumpled ball of anxiety and sick.

Levi picked something up off the desk and circled, holding it out. “I know it isn’t what you’d really like, Cally, but you don’t actually tell me what you really like, do you?”

The bracelet Levi had given him the night before dangled between them.

“What do you mean?”

Levi’s face fell. “Don’t you know?”

“I—” Caleb couldn’t stand the look of defeat on Levi’s face. He didn’t know how to make it go away. Didn’t know how to stop the falling sensation that started in his gut and carried on into forever.

Clenching a fist around the leather and buckles, Levi grimaced.

Caleb could see the grit of his teeth through the hard set of his jaw.

Levi tossed the cuff back onto the desk. “Some kid named Mitchell stopped by this afternoon and pitched us an idea for a fashion show. He said he’s already talked to you, and you went all soft over the showpiece.”

“What?” Caleb stared. “I did not! Levi, I never said?—”

“He lied? He didn’t talk to you about the show?”

“Well, yes, but?—”

“And you didn’t tell him you wanted some of his designs?”

“I…” Caleb twisted his hands together, the soft material of his scarf catching in clutching fingers. If he said yes, he would be admitting too much, risking losing the one person left in his life who maybe didn’t think he was an utter freak. If he said no, he’d be calling a perfectly nice guy a liar when it wasn’t true.

Levi frowned. “How long have we been together? Over a year, Cally? And you can’t trust me?”

“I do! Of course I do.”

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