Page 35 of Lace

“Listen, kid, I promised I’d take care of you, right? So, eat some supper. You’re thin as a rail, you.”

Caleb shook his head and pushed himself upright, ready to haul himself up the stairs. “You don’t have to look after me anymore. I’m a grown man.”

“A grown man who’s moped about this house for the past month like an emo teenager, maybe. What’s up with that?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re failing exams and losing weight. That’s not nothing.”

“You wouldn’t understand, remember?”

“You haven’t even tried me yet, son.”

Caleb slumped onto the bottom step. “Not your son,UncleJase.” He spread out one hand and stroked at the palm with the fingers of the other. He rubbed all the colour away, chasing the pink with the flat of his thumb, watching it come back each time. “Not even family, really. Not seriously. You can’t stand to look at me, to see me.”

“Caleb…” Jase let out a loud, exasperated sound and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.

“You’ve tried so hard to make me someone else, someone you can bear to look at—an accountant, for God’s sake, when I’m a musician. You want me to eat pizza. Gluten makes me sick. You want me to kiss girls, and I prefer dick. You want things the way you want them, and that isn’t the way I am.” He lifted his gaze finally, to find Jason standing over him. “This thing that Mitchell’s doing… I have to do it with him. I have to. I don’t expect you to understand, but…”

Uncle Jase settled onto the step beside him. “Maybe a few weeks ago, I would have said I wanted you to get your head out of your fucking ass and see that you’re only going to get that ass kicked if you don’t forget all this shit and be a real man.”

Fiery anger flashed through Caleb as he shot to his feet. Why would the man not understand? “You can try and do the honours. I will throw your fat ass down, and I’ll still want to fuck my boyfriend after.”

Uncle Jase laughed. “You see? Now that’s what I want to see. You standing up. Being tough, like I know you are. Not the limp, skulking kid you’ve been acting like lately.”

“I am tough! I have to be!”

“I know you do, son.” Jase pursed his lips. “Not how I wanted you to have to be, but how I always knew you’d need to be. I made things harder for you than I should have. I see that now. But I was only ever hoping you’d be tough enough to be okay out there. Maybe some part of me thought something normal?—”

“Fuck off.” Caleb tried to pass him on the stairs, but Jase caught his wrist, clamped a big hand over Levi’s cuff and held tight.

“Sorry. Poor word choice. Something stable?—”

“Like accounting?” He laced the word with as much venom as he could.

Jase sighed and nodded. “Like accounting. Some stable ground in your life would help you, offer you shelter for the rest.”

“I’m a musician. A gay musician. You know that.” He sank back onto the step again, all the fight gone out of him. “Don’t even try to tell me you don’t know.”

“Of course I know. I know that. I know it all, kid. I’m not blind, not stupid.” He curled his hand around the back of Caleb’s neck. His voice dropped to quiet soothing, and Caleb wanted to close his eyes, to lean on the older man.

“Son, I haven’t always been the best at communication. And I think I taught you some bad habits about not talking that hasn’t helped either of us. But if you think I don’t see you, your music, your boyfriend, your fem side, how deep your heart goes, you haven’t been paying attention.

“Uncle Jase…” Caleb’s throat closed over any other words he might have wanted to say. The fact Jase even let words like ‘your fem side’ pass his lips was more than Caleb had thought possible, even thirty seconds ago.

“Now, I know you think I’m some kind of dumb jock, that I don’t care about any of that, that I’m embarrassed of you. You’re wrong. I see now my attempts to protect you have done more to hurt you than help you, and that’s on me. But I do need you to understand something before you go into this show.”

“What?” Caleb asked, voice clogged.

“You need to know that no matter what happens, no matter what anyone says, this house, this little family that’s you and me? This is a safe place for you. Understand me?”

All Caleb could do was nod. “I’m really sorry. I?—”

“Nah, now None of that. If you’re going to sit here and fumble over all sorts of apologies and ‘I never knew you knew’s’, don’t bother. We’re family. Shit happens. I wish I could be better at understanding you. Wish I’d said something sooner. Maybe you wish you hadn’t judged me, decided I was a lost cause before you even tried. I’d say we’re about even in how we screwed this up, yeah?”

Caleb nodded. Heat stung at his eyes and his hands trembled, prompting him to tuck them up under his arms and pin them tight. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Good.” Jase watched him silently for a few minutes.

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