Page 94 of Rules to Love By

“Well, you’re not helping.” He put his head down on the counter. When she started stroking his hair, he wanted to tell her to stop, but it was actually nice. Calming, even. But then it just reminded him he hadn’t been asked to do the same for Marcus. He’d gone back there alone, never even glancing in Eli’s direction.

“If I knew how to make all the scary things less scary, Jake’s life would be so much easier,” she said. “The worst thing for me is to let him go out there and face it on his own. But that’s usually the best thing for him.”

“Yeah.” Eli sat up. “I don’t like that either. Try again.”

“Sometimes it helps to remind myself I’m only human, you know? Like, I literally can’t make things less scary for him. When I tried, sometimes, I just made it worse.”

“How so?”

“It undermined him. Made him think he couldn’t face things on his own. Made him more dependent on me, when what I really wanted was for him to be less so. But I tried to bubble-wrap him and the things around him so he wouldn’t bump into anything and get hurt, and then everything was just out of shape and harder for him to understand. If that makes any sense.”

“Sure.”

“It’s tough when the thing that makes you the best version of yourself—like for me, it’s being a guardian—I’m very good at it—also makes you sometimes bad for the very person who might need it most at other times. It can be hard to find the balance.”

Her being right didn’t make him feel any better.

“Can I ask you something?”

He sipped his coffee and stared at the closed door, but didn’t tell her no, so she kept talking.

“He’s in there”—she pointed at the door—“doing the hard thing while you’re out here pouting. What’s your hard thing?”

“Being out here.”

“No. You aren’t in deep enough for that yet.”

“You don’t know me well enough, Steph. Just because we went to school together—”

“You know what I do know?”

“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

She nodded. “I’m like that, yes.” She settled more comfortably. “I know you’re here on a Monday morning when you probably should be in a class, or at least getting ready to go to a class. I know you’ve been here an awful lot when you should have classes. And Ithinkyour father is about the most patient man I’ve ever met.”

“What?”

“Your hard thing, Eli. While Marcus is in there doing the thing that will get him back to himself, whatever that ends up being, maybe you should be doing some of that hard work too.”

“How do you know any of this?”

“I guess I pay attention to the people my brother spends time around. That’s Marcus. And by extension, now you. I have to, because he’s trusting, and that is a beautiful thing. Something I love best about him. But I also know that people aren’t always trustworthy. So I have to know where the hits are going to come from, when they come, because I’ve learned, as I mentioned already, that I can’t protect him from them. I just have to anticipate them and hope I can help him understand why it hurts so much.”

“I am not going to hurt your brother.”

“I don’t think you are, and I’m sorry for making that sound like an accusation. It wasn’t. It was just an explanation. I watch people. I see people. Call it my superpower, if you want. But I do see, and all I’m saying is that if you want Marcus, who’s had very few people in his life stand up for him, to trust you, be worthy of it. If you can’t tell your own father about this very important decision you’ve made in your life, what happens when you have to tell Marcus about something that might hurt him? Practice doing the hard thing, because the people you love deserve that, don’t they?”

For a long minute, he stared at her. “Do you get a lot of people telling you how annoying you are?”

She grinned. “Oh, loads. All the time. Constantly.”

“Steph?” Lucky approached them like he was walking on broken glass. “What are you doing?”

“Chatting.”

“Steamrollering,” Eli muttered.

“Okay.” Lucky took her by the arms and guided her back to the pass-through window. “What did we say about your truth bombs?”

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