Page 140 of Rules to Love By

Around him, the house settled. Beams sighed overhead. Floors creaked down the hall, and a pipe clunked once, then gurgled and went quiet. Oak branches scraped at the window outside, and he had the weirdest thought that something tried to get inside, which should have been alarming but somehow wasn’t.

Whatever it was, the house absorbed a portion of it, and the rustle of oak leaves in the spring breeze filled the room. Like magic. Like some part of the house remembered being a tree once and recalled the sound, imperfect and faint over the stretch of years and change of form. But the memory of another life, another way of being, remained.

If Marcus focused on it, he could almost imagine ghostly twig hands reaching out to tangle in his hair, bestow… something. A blessing? A connection? He sighed and let the idea settle into his bones. It was crazy, but comforting at the same time. It made it easier to relax into the very plain and simple fact that Eli literally had his back in that moment and he was safe.

As his fingers trailed repeatedly across his scalp, Marcus snuggled back into the curve of Eli’s body. The simple warmth was enough to push him out of his musings into the grey blankness of rest.

CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT

“You sure you’re ready for this?” Schiffer zipped the letter opener across the top of the envelope without waiting for him to answer. The softshhhshof paper ripping cut a clean line of anxiety through Marcus’s thoughts.

“I mean, do I have a choice?” He swallowed hard and blinked, trying to keep his breathing even.

Schiffer set the opened envelope down and gazed across the table at him, one eyebrow lifted.

“No, I know. I know.” Marcus waved a hand. “Just. Do it.”

“Whatever is in here, Marcus”—he smoothed his hand over the brown-grey surface of the recycled paper—“it means a way forward for you. One way or another. Even if you don’t like the answer, itisan answer.”

Marcus nodded. He wasn’t wrong.

As Schiffer slid the documents out, Marcus held his breath.

Beside him, Eli squeezed his fingers, and on the other side, Tris patted his knee.

“We got this,” Tris whispered.

Marcus fingered one of the giant toggle buttons on the ugly lawyer sweater and nodded again, silently thanking Jake for reminding him to grab it on his way out. The thing might be an afront to fashion, but it was weirdly comforting at the same time.

“Breathe,” Eli suggested, releasing Marcus’s hand only to run his in soothing circles over Marcus’s back.

“Breathing,” he gulped. And then, in fact, did pull in a breath, which helped to ease some of his tension.

From across the table, Schifferhmmmed and held up a smaller envelope. “Also addressed to you,” he said. “Most likely a letter. Do you want me to read it?”

“I, um.” Marcus eyed the small mauve square in Schiffer’s hand. It made him smile. How many times had he been told to drop similar packets into the mailbox on the corner? She never had bothered with online banking. Some bills she still mailed a cheque to pay. “I will,” he said at last, and leaned forwards to take it.

For a moment, neither Eli nor Tris were touching him, but as he closed his fingers around the letter, his breath came out in a sigh, because for that instant, it was like Iris was in the room with him. Her “old lady” perfume, the same smell she bought from Avon every three months; her rickety laugh that had always been thin and hesitant, even when he was a kid; the feel of her hand resting lightly on him as she watched over his shoulder while he did his maths or flipped an egg.

He breathed deep, settled in his chair, and back into the immediate world where Eli’s hand landed on his thigh and Tris smiled at him. He wasn’t doing this alone.

Dear Marcus,he read aloud,

I do hope you are looking after yourself, son.

Marcus gulped and blinked. He couldn’t remember her ever calling him son out loud. She’d only ever used his name.

I guess you’ve probably gone off to find that Tris of yours. Probably for the best. If he hasn’t found someone, he will be needing your help by now. I approve. That boy is good for you.

Tris snorted. “Has she met me?”

But Marcus held up his hand and kept reading.

You can tell him I said so, though I expect he won’t believe it. But he always did help you get out of your own head. Something I never quite figured out how to do. You and I are very different people, Marcus, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think it is what made us such a good team. I am very proud of the young man you grew into. Better, more generous, and definitely more flexible than I could ever have hoped to be.

If I regret anything, I regret that I didn’t tell you these things as often as I should have. I imagine it to be a regret many parents have in the end.

Marcus huffed and cleared his throat. “Parents?”

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