Page 113 of Rules to Love By

He had thebestsmile. “Thank you. And that’s not what I mean.”

“So, what? You go on a few dates with these guys, and then it comes round to the sex—the non-negotiated kind—and they what? Expect you to be all bottomy?”

“Almost invariably.”

“And that’s a deal-breaker for you.”

“Doesn’t have to be. It’s not the bottoming. It’s the expectation. The assumption. I guess the realization that they clearly have not been paying attention, if they truly think that’s who I am. And the following realization that they don’t care who I am, only who they think they are. Or who they want to be. Or something.”

Marcus turned to sit cross-legged, facing him. “And so, the negotiations, they let you be yourself.”

“Expectations managed.”

Marcus spent a while digesting that.

Finally, Eli tapped his knee with a foot. “What are you thinking?”

“You want to manage my expectations?”

“Honestly? I’ve never dated a guy who maybe would be as happy as I would to have both our expectations managed. Or at least outlined.”

“Do you think if we had these negotiations in place, it would make our sex less—” Heat flooded his face, but he ploughed on. “—messy? At the end?”

“I’m no professional or anything.”

“Given.” Marcus nodded.

“But it makes sense to me that if your nausea stems from anxiety, then yeah. Maybe knowing what’s going to be on the table going in will help tame some of the anxiousness. Maybe even let you enjoy it more.”

“And maybe keep me from puking up a really good meal after.”

Eli held out a hand, which Marcus took, then followed, when Eli pulled him over, to settle against the footboard next to him. “For the record, and I’ll say it again, and as many times as you need to hear it, that is not a deal-breaker for me, okay?”

“How can you be so sure? What if I never get over it? What if, every time you nail me, I puke after? How is that not an epic turn-off?”

“First of all, if I had known it would have that kind of effect on you, I would never have—”

“I don’t think you’re the kind of guy who would go ahead with something if you thought I didn’t want it. I did. And I don’t dislike the sex. I just…” The frustration of the topic tangled up his words and left them in a knot at the base of his throat. He had to clear it away before he could speak again, and even then, his voice rasped. “I don’t understand it. I just go in every time hoping not this time, you know? And every time, it happens, and…” He shrugged. “I want to be able to fix it. I just don’t know how.”

Eli squirmed around to face him better, taking his chin in his hand. “You don’t need fixing. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Puking after sex is not normal.”

“Graduating high school and still not being able to read isn’t normal, either. According to some people, anyway. Who’s the judge of what’s normal? You? Me? Jake?” He lifted one eyebrow. “Lucy?”

“I mean, if it’s Jake and Lucy, I want to live in that world.”

Eli laughed. “Newsflash. You do.”

“I’m serious, though. What if it never goes way? How does my ego deal with that? How does yours?”

“Well, lucky for us, my ego is not bound up in how good I am in the sack, so I don’t need my dick to be the magic cure for all that ails you.”

Marcus dropped his gaze.

“I’ll take it, if that happens, don’t get me wrong.”

Despite himself, Marcus snorted, but settled quickly when Eli caressed his face.

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