Page 12 of Brutal Alpha

“Why are you so insistent about this?” I asked. “You clearly don’t want to be my mate, and I don’t want to be yours.”

I was a bachelor, and I liked it that way; I had enough responsibilities as it was; I didn’t need a mate to worry about. My wolf had other ideas, howling and clawing at my insides, and I hoped Julia couldn’t see the effort it took for me to hold him down. She’d only think that made her right. In reality, it made my wolf a twitter-pated idiot.

“I’m not some hysterical girl with a crush, Ethan,” Julia insisted. “You didn’t make me fall in love with you through the sheer power of your dick. I’m not trying to like—trap you.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“What are you saying, then?” It was a familiar challenge: I’d seen her right eyebrow twitch upward and her arms cross inexactly that manner a hundred times before. A hundred times before, she’d listened to my explanation and found it wanting.

“I’m saying that—that sometimes attraction is just attraction. You don’t like me, and so you’re trying to find a justification for… this,” I said. I might not be too proud to admit that I’d noticed Julia’s beauty years ago, but she was certainly not going to admit she’d only kissed me because she wanted to. Sure enough, she only scowled back at me.

“So you don’t think there’s anything weird about this at all?” she said. “We’ve been at each other’s throats for years, and suddenly we’re so horny for each other that we decide to go to town in the middle of a field at the Solstice celebration? Be real, Ethan.”

“I am being real.” I was so tired of saying the same thing, of her refusing to listen. “It’s been an emotional evening, and it’s far more likely that after the fighting and the making up and the excitement of the revelation about your magic, we both just got… carried away in the moment.”

“So carried away that you knotted me. I remember.” That was the second time she’d mentioned it, and I couldn’t help but feel guilt twist in my stomach.

“Do you want me to apologize?” I said. “Fine, I’m sorry I knotted you. I’m sure you wanted to save that for your real mate.” Even as I spoke, my wolf roared inside me. He didn’t want anyone else knotting her; she was ours, as far as he was concerned. Easy for him to say—he didn’t have to deal with her.

“You’re insufferable,” Julia hissed through her teeth. She offered no other rebuttal, though, so I took my chance to press pause on this god-awful conversation.

“Well, you won’t have to suffer me after tomorrow,” I said. “I’m taking you home first thing in the morning. Do youneed me to find you some witch tea before you leave, or do you have some at home?”

Even in the dark, I could see the way her cheeks darkened. For a moment, she looked vulnerable, caught off guard, and my wolf whined. He wanted us to go to her.

“I’ve got some at home,” she said. “Or Alyssa does, anyway.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. If Alyssa found out, there was no way she’d keep it from Caleb.

“You’re not gonna tell her—” I started, but Julia cut me off.

“I’ll tell her I made a mistake with a knot-happy blockhead. It won’t be a lie.”

Relief curdled in my belly. I didn’t have any right to be relieved. Caleb had trusted me with Julia’s safekeeping, and I’d thrown that trust back in his face. Now, I wasn’t even man enough to admit what I’d done.

“Fine,” I said.

“Fine,” she echoed. Most of the fight seemed to have leaked out of her, and she looked so small, so goddamn young. I held out my hand.

“Are you coming back to the house with me, or—”

“Fuck off,” she snapped, and I took a step back. Tired and defeated and vulnerable as she was, her eyes still blazed with defiance, and my fingers twitched with the desire to touch her again. My wolf yipped in agreement, but I pushed the instinct away.

“I’ll leave you to cool down,” I said.

“You do that.”

My wolf snapped and growled as I turned my back on her, walking steadily back toward the fire, and the party, and the town. This time, he was right: we shouldn’t be leaving her out in the dark on her own. There were rumors of Arbor hunters taking females from islands all over the archipelago, and even if those were nothing more than idle stories, there were plenty of strange shifters still roaming Ferris in the aftermath of the party. It was madness to walk away from her, but if I’d stayed—if I’d stayed, then I didn’t know what I’d do.

Chapter 5 - Julia

I couldn’t find my underwear. I’d been searching for at least twenty minutes because combing the grass for my discarded panties was a far better use of my time than staring at Ethan’s retreating back. The problem was that the activity that had started off as a desperate attempt to distract me from the gut-wrenching feeling of being rejected by a mate I didn’t even want had become a fresh source of frustration all on its own. It was supremely stupid to be tearing up because I’d lost my underwear, but it was less stupid than tearing up because of Ethan fucking Cain, so I let it happen.

That made the fourth thing I’d lost in this godforsaken field. The first thing that had, of course, been my virginity. Not how I’d imagined that going, but whatever. The second thing was my mate, which was more concerning. Did I want to spend my life with Ethan? No. I despised him. I was not, however, stubborn enough to refuse what fate had clearly set out for me. Which led me to the third thing I’d lost: my dignity. Ethan had rejected me wholesale, and despite that, I’d still tried to make him see sense. He must think I was desperate for him, the way I’d insisted that he accept our bond.

How was I supposed to face him in the morning, after all that? I’d need to have underwear on, for starters, but mine was currently lost in the dark grass somewhere between here and the bonfire. I was pretty certain my dress had come off first, and Ethan had found that pretty fast, so theoretically, they should be close by, but current evidence had proven that this was untrue. Had a gust of wind blown them further away? Had some critter picked them up and scampered away with them? Would some random Ferris shifter find them in the days to come and wonder what careless female they belonged to?

Why had I even let it happen? I knew the pull of the bond was strong, but it wasn’t strong enough to force me to do anything I really didn’t want to do. In that moment, I wanted it, and that was the worst part. For a stupid, thoughtless hour, I’d allowed my seventeen-year-old self to take over, the one who’d thought Ethan was so handsome and honorable and found his utterly humorless demeanor mysterious and charming. I should have known better. Of course, he didn’t want me: I was only a burden.

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