Page 26 of The Outlaw's Code

It was hard to describe what it felt like watching Calder go back to his old life, a place I never could’ve followed him. Everything between us had just been a detour on his way back to Vanessa, on his way back to the way things were meant to be. I was broken in a way I’d never been before, despair threatening to sink me down to the ground. The ache in my chest was only getting worse, no matter how much I tried to ignore it.

But this was how it was going to be.

An ache in my chest. Calder happy, somewhere else.

I decided to throw myself into work, ignoring my stomach being in knots, my dry throat scratchy with something I couldn’t name. Heartbroken, I found myself pounding nails into a fence post that didn’t really need fixing, tightening bolts on a gate that no one really used. The work helped take my mind off Calder temporarily, the pain in my body returning as soon as I remembered that he’d existed. Still, there was enough work to do on the ranch that I knew I could find ways to give myself some reprieve from Calder for a few minutes at a time.

Maybe it’s time to buy that land.

It was an errant thought, but one that became increasingly louder at the front of my thoughts. It didn’t help that I was stillhere, memories of Calder around every corner. Maybe if I changed my surroundings, there was a chance that I wouldn’t be so haunted, with less of Calder to remember. Maybe I could get over him completely, with so much new work that would go into running my own farm. I simply wouldn’t have time to think about Calder, my bones sore after every day, my mind only focused on what I needed to do next.

It was a blissful thought, having no time or room to still be in love with Calder?—

In love with Calder?

I inwardly groaned at the realization.

Shit.

I was in love with Calder.

I stopped what I was doing, setting down my tools. I took a seat on the ground beside them, as I rested against the side of a barn.

This is a disaster.

Was that why I’d felt so awful? Because I was inlove? And what the hell was I supposed to do about it? The man I was in love with had just driven off with the love ofhislife. Was I supposed to chase after him? Was I supposed to ruin things between him and Vanessa just so I could feel like I had a chance?

I closed my eyes, letting the truth settle over me.

There’s nothing I can do.

I was in love, and it didn’t matter at all.

Because Calder was gone.

“Shane?”

I was back outside, busying myself with work. I groaned at the sound of Calder’s voice, annoyed with myself for being so desperate to hear his voice that I was fully hallucinating.

“Shane…?” His voice got closer to me, followed by the sound of quiet footsteps. I turned to look over at him, watching his slow approach, his hands down at his side.

“What do you want, Calder?” My tone wasn’t welcoming. “Did you forget something at your cabin?”

“What?” Calder paused for a moment before his face lit up with a realization. “Oh. Did you think I left earlier?—”

“You did leave. With Vanessa.”

“We just went to Canyon Creek Diner,” he replied. “We just… needed to have a conversation.”

His eyes locked with mine, something serious behind his gaze.

“What kind of conversation?” I finally stopped what I was doing. “What did you two need to talk about?”

“I needed to let her know the truth. About who I am. Who I’ve always been.” He took in a deep breath. “And what I want and don’t want for my future.” Calder closed the distance between us. “Shane, before I met you… I wasn’t being honest with myself, about anything. I wasn’t ready to admit how I really felt or what I really wanted. But now that I know you…”

He paused, like he was thinking through his words. “Shane, I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. I don’t want to pretend to be anything I’m not. And when we’re together, I don’t have to pretend about anything. You make me feel so… accepted. Socalm. Like I don’t have to be anything other than myself when we’re together.”

Silence filled the space between us, as Calder had an expectant look on his face.

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