Page 95 of The Duke's Vice

Ezra’s jaw ticked. “I knew Damon was no good and I did nothing to stop their courting.”

Beatrice snickered. “If she is any girl I know, if she was committed to this Damon than nothing an older brother could say would stop her. Does she blame you for your misgivings?”

Ezra rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“So you blame yourself and have decided that you should live out your life as a miserable old curmudgeon? Ezra. I thought you had more sense than that.” She chided.

Ezra sighed as he swung his legs over the bed. He stood and began to gather his clothing. He picked up her ruined dress and put it on his desk. He opened his closet door and pulled out a shirt and pants.

“They’ll be a little big, but they’ll cover you until we can get you home to your own things.”

Beatrice swatted the clothing away. “We’re not doing this, Ezra. We’re not doing where you dismiss me because you don’t want to talk. Answer me. If your sister has moved on and is happy, why can’t you be?”

Ezra looked down to his hand and traced the scar. “You fulfilled your list. You stopped at nothing to complete it and I aided, willingly. Why can’t you now offer me the same respect?”

Beatrice sat in silence, fighting back the tears she swore she’d never shed for him again.

“I keep my word. I think I’ve proven that to you. I’ve kept my word to you, and now it’s time I return to the word I promised myself. We said this was for tonight. Tonight is done. Please, Beatrice. Leave this, leave me, be.”

Beatrice’s heart shattered.

Heat rose in her cheeks and the room swayed in front of her.

“If things could be… if I could be diff-” he cut himself off and ran his hands through his hair. “You deserve more, Beatrice. It’s because I care for you that I want more for you. I’m not good enough. Trust my word. It’s all I have.”

Beatrice looked up to him, standing half dressed in the moonlight. He looked defeated, but resolved. There was no use in fighting him. He was just as stubborn as she was and, he was right.

She knew going in it was only for tonight and tonight was over. Beatrice shook her and swallowed the lump that popped back up in her throat.

“You’re right. I deserve more.” Her words were hollow as she put the oversized shirt and pants on.

Ezra placed her cloak around her shoulders and lead her down the steps and to his carriage. After giving the driver directions he helped her into the carriage.

“Be well, Beatrice.”

He offered no other words of solace or support. Just, “be well.”

She shook her head and sat back in the seat. As the carriage pulled away she realized he was right about one other antidote. He shattered her in ways she’ll never be able to piece back together. She undoubtedly left a part of herself there, she would never be whole again.

CHAPTER 25

The next morning Beatrice wrote to Amos inviting him for tea. That evening Beatrice accepted Amos’s proposal and she immediately started planning the wedding. Each day Charlotte and her sisters oohed and ahhed over table settings, floral arrangements, ribbons and lace.

Beatrice tried her best to fully commit to the event in hopes of soothing her aching heart. Every time her heart squeezed at the memory of Ezra’s touch she reminded herself she asked for that night, she must handle the consequences.

After all, she had read countless books of heart aches and each one of them resolved themselves in due time. Of course, most of them ended with the hero returning to the pining woman, but there were a few where the love was lost.

She would have to write her own future. In the light of day Beatrice felt that resolve strong and undeniable. She focused on her wedding plans and enjoyed her time with Amos, thankfully, he had a way of making her feel like it would all work out.

It was her nights when gut-wrenching pain would overtake her body and throw her into the fires of self-doubt and fear. Her body longed for Ezra’s touch and her heart called for his. Every morning she woke drenched in sweat only to wash it off and forget about it for the day.

Unfortunately for her, the days only lasted so long and the nights came quickly. She started counting down the days to the wedding, not out of excitement but out of hope that once she was married her nights wouldn’t be so lonely.

She had no misconceptions about how her marriage to Amos would be, but she hoped that at least having someone else with her would help her survive the dark hours.

“What do you think about this for your dress, Beatrice? The light blue will draw out your eyes. Are you sleeping well, love? You have dark smudges under your eyes?” Her mother’s rapid fire questions pulled her from her fog.

“I’m sure she’s just overly anxious and nervous, Mama.” Sarah chimed in.

---