Page 22 of Owned By Shadows

“Julia used this technique to help me connect with my emotions, to help me feel them and let them out,” she tells me, her cheek resting on my chest with her arms banded around me. “Where inside you can you feel it?”

“My chest,” I answer straight away, not having to think about it.

“And is it heavy or light?”

“It’s crushing me, Peaches,” I rasp. The weight is so heavy I’m not sure how I’m still breathing.

“If you gave it a shape, what would it be?” she asks next, and I focus in on the weight, trying to see its edges.

“It’s like smoke, spreading and filling my lungs until I can’t breathe.” That I can answer surprises me, and with each answer, the weight becomes a little less, a bit more manageable.

“And what colour is it?”

“Black.” I don’t even have to think about that. “It’s like all the light in the world has disappeared, like I’m blind.”

“What is it trying to say?” she questions next, her voice soft, safe, and coaxing the answers from me before I even know what they are.

“That I’m not good enough, that I’ll never be good enough to keep you all safe. That I’m a failure, and you will all die because of my failings.” I don’t realise I’m crying until soft fingers brush the tears away from my cheeks.

“That’s your critical inner voice speaking, Hunt, a voice that stems from wounds and past hurts. And it’s not able to see all the facts because it thinks it’s trying to keep you safe,” she tells me gently, stroking the tears from my cheeks that won’t stop fucking falling.

“I failed you by letting Sergi take you. Roman nearly got killed, and he got shot because I couldn’t keep him safe. Even Willow got hurt on my watch. Those are the facts, Peaches,” Isay, giving voice to all my failings, and it fucking hurts, like a knife to the chest.

“That’s that critical voice again. What shall we name it? Sergi perhaps? That’s what mine is called, but I don’t mind sharing,” she replies, and a small huff of laughter falls from my lips. “Your compassionate voice, who has more of the facts to hand, might say that you always got us back. That you are able to help those that you love. That it’s not your fault, any of it. That we would all be lost without you. That we think you are more than enough, flaws and all, and that our lives are so much better, so much brighter for you being in them.”

The sound of a wounded animal fills my ears, and it’s with a start that I realise it’s me making that noise. Her words have broken something inside me, something that was suffocating me, and now I can’t hold it back. I curl into her, burying my face in her neck as sobs wrack my body so hard I’m shaking.

Warmth at my back has me crying harder, Roman’s unique peppermint and lavender scent washing over me as he holds me with his good arm.

“We’ve got you, Daddy,” he whispers, his voice thick as he places a kiss on the back of my neck and holds me tightly with one arm while I break the fuck down, right there on the porch.

Hands stroke my hair, lips pressing against the strands, and I know Rowan is here as well, lending me his strength.

“You’ve saved us so many fucking times, Hunt,” he says, his voice low and rasping. “Roman and I would be dead without you, brother.”

The tears fall harder as they all hold me, letting me know that it’s okay to feel this, to be weak sometimes, because they love me regardless, just like I love them.

After some time, I couldn’t say how much, my cries subside, and yet they don’t let go, still holding me like it’s not a burden. Like I’m not a burden.

“I’d like us all to go back upstairs to bed to snuggle, skin on skin,” Iris murmurs, placing a kiss on my damp cheek as I straighten up. Her eyes are full of love, gleaming, and a small, knowing grin is on her face. “And I am so proud of you for sharing that with us, Daddy. Thank you.”

“You are a fucking wonder, Iris Anderson,” I marvel, a light chasing away that darkness that only moments ago felt so overwhelming.

“So are you, husband,” she replies, taking my hand, Roman taking my other in his warm palm, and Rowan leading the way back into the cabin and up the stairs.

We get undressed, and as we’re snuggling, just like Iris requested, the weight that has been holding me down for so long shifts, easing just slightly. It’s enough to let me know that I’ll be okay, that they will not let me drown underneath it.

I pull Iris to me, Roman acting as big spoon on my other side and Rowan interlacing our hands on Iris’s other side. My eyelids droop, exhaustion washing over me, unsurprising given all the big emotions that I just experienced.

“I love you, Daddy, so much,” Iris whispers, brushing her lips against mine.

“Love you, Daddy,” Roman murmurs, placing a light kiss on the back of my neck that sends warmth shooting all over me like a heated blanket.

“Love you, brother,” Rowan adds, and if I wasn’t so fucking tired, I might’ve burst.

Darkness creeps in around me, but it’s not scary like it was earlier. It’s the comforting blanket of love, of safety. I fall asleep in their arms, knowing that things may be bumpy along the way, but we will always make our way back to each other, because there is no other option.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

---