Page 5 of Owned By Shadows

CHAPTER FOUR

“SILENCE” BY MARSHMELLO & KHALID

ROWAN

Ipound the leather bag, watching it swing as I try in fucking vain to exorcise the pain that feels like it’s splitting me in two. The other Shadows leave me alone, like they can feel the darkness that surrounds me, its inky tendrils eating out to all who come near, ready to contaminate them. It can only be chased away by a golden-haired angel, but she has her own anguish to deal with and I can’t give her mine too.

The metal chains holding the bag clink, loud in the space, even over the sound of the music that fills the Shadows’ gym. My knuckles split hours ago, the blood dripping down my arms, leaving a mess on the floor that I couldn’t give a fuck about.

“Rowan?” Her soft voice pierces the fog, and I pause, gripping the bag in my trembling hands before it swings and hits me in the face. She’s behind me. I can feel her there as surely as if she were standing up against me, such is the strength of our connection.

I stand there, chest heaving, the voice inside me screaming and begging to be set free, but I shut it down and lock it up tight as my chest heaves. She appears in my peripheral vision, her eyes wide, tears making them sparkle.

“Oh, my love,” she chokes out, and it’s another laceration on an already bleeding corpse, barely making me flinch. The pain I’m in is too great already. “Hang on, darling.”

She’s gone and I waver on my feet, powerful hands catching me before I fall over. “Come on, brother. I’ve got you,” Hunt’s voice says, taking my weight and helping me to one of the benches.

I don’t have a brother, not anymore.

I want to roar the words, but as has been the case for the past fourteen days, nothing comes out. I wonder if I’ll ever speak again, or if I am now mute, his death having taken away my ability to talk with him.

Iris says, “Here,” as she kneels and takes one of my hands in hers, using a hot, wet towel to gently wash my busted knuckles. Her hand is so much smaller than mine, and I marvel for a moment at the lack of pain as she swipes the blood away. Then I grimace when I see white, the bone peeking through.

“Drink this,” Hunt commands, holding a bottle of Lucozade to my lips. He doesn’t give me much choice, and soon, the sweet orange flavour is sliding past my lips and it’s all I can do not to choke on it.

I glare at him, and he just raises a brow back. He never took my shit.

“Thank you,” Iris says as Bubby hands her a roll of bandage. The skin around his eyes is red-rimmed, his hood up and hiding most of his face as he looks at me with eyes so sad I want to rage, to shriek and snarl at this fucked up world that would take my twin away from me.

But I remain silent as they clean me up, Hunt making me drink the whole fucking bottle before passing me a protein bar. “You need to eat, Rowan.”

I don’t want to, my stomach rebelling at the thought of going on when my brother, my twin and the person who is—was—the other half of me, is no longer here.

“Please,” Iris begs, taking one of my now wrapped hands and placing it on her round stomach. “We still need you, Roo. So fucking much.”

As if sensing my turmoil, the babe inside her kicks, reminding me I must carry on, if not for myself, then for them. I bring the unwrapped bar to my lips, taking a bite. It tastes like fucking ash in my mouth, and it’s an effort to chew and swallow the disgusting morsel. But I do it, staring into the beautiful hazel eyes of the other part of my soul and letting them soothe some of the anguish.

“We’re going for a walk, maybe to get some bits for the baby,” my Lamb tells me, her voice soft and gentle, like I’m a wild animal on the brink of turning feral. Maybe that’s more accurate than I’d like to admit. She is the only thing holding me together.

“You’re coming,” Hunt declares, and my upper lip curls at him like I really am an animal. I don’t want to feel the sunshine on my face, not while he no longer can. “You’re coming, Rowan.” His green eyes are unyielding, as hard as I’ve ever seen them. There’s no winning when he’s like this, so I give a single dip of my head. “Good. Finish that and get washed up.”

I eat the rest of the bar, Iris talking enough to cover my silence, telling us what she thinks we still need for the baby. I know what she’s trying to do, distract me from the pain that rages like a maelstrom inside me, tearing me apart and leaving devastation in its wake.

As soon as I’ve finished, I help Iris up, my jaw clenching when she winces, clearly having knelt on the floor too longbecause of me.Fuck’s sake, can I not even make sure she’s unharmed?

Without a backward glance, I storm into the locker room, stripping off my clothes and heading for the shower. I turn it right down to freezing, needing the shock to feel something other than pain. A hiss leaves my lips when the ice-cold water hits my overheated skin, the bandages on my hands quickly soaking through.

I stand there, under the sharp, icy spray, and try to shed the pain that’s threatening to choke me.

“Can you turn the temperature up, please?” I open my eyes to find Iris standing there, naked and looking like a fucking fertility goddess or some shit, her rounded stomach filling my dick with blood despite the cold water flowing down over me. Her nipples are peaked, her breasts bigger and almost swollen looking.

My heart thuds inside my chest, and I twist to make the water warmer. For her, because I surely don’t deserve it. Not after I let him down. Not after I let him be taken right from under my nose.

Once the water has heated, I hold my hand out, and she takes it in hers, tutting when she sees my soaked bandages. I pull her towards me, our skin flush and not a breath of air between us. Her entire body sighs, her hands on my chest as she looks up into my eyes.

“Kiss me, Roo,” she demands quietly, but I’m helpless to resist her and so desperate to forget this turmoil that I lower my head, pressing my lips to hers.

My body shudders, my dick fully hard now and pressed against her soft flesh as my hands slip into her hair and pull her closer. She whimpers and something inside me snaps. Tearing my lips from hers, I spin her, pull out her hips, and then line myself with her puffy pussy lips. They’re swollen too, ripe and ready for me, begging me.

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