Page 140 of Poison Aches

Yes… because the hope I used to have before was dipped in severe doubt, desperation, and insecurities.

I’m not saying I’ve healed… but there’s something about looking for someone who’s also looking for you that just boosts the confidence of broken, lonely souls.

I just hope that my father isn’t disappointed by what he finds when we meet tonight.

“I miss you already, Grammy,” I tell her softly. “And I’m ready to go on this journey.”

“I know you are. I just hope you stay safe and don’t put yourself under pressure. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anyone. You are already talented, unique, and intelligent, and any institution in this world would be lucky to have you.”

Another pang of guilt slams into my chest.

How long will I be able to keep this up?

I mean, I’ve already put a program on my phone that blocks my location. I’ve set up a virtually private network and located itfor Baltimore but if Samuel tries to find me, it’ll take a moment, but he will.

“Hey, Grammy, have you talked to Samuel yet?”

“I was just about to ask you. Since he left, I haven’t been able to reach him.” Grammy’s voice becomes a bit serious.

“Do you know where he went?” I ask. I know that she knows. Grammy and Samuel are still as tight as thieves.

“Come on, Ivy, your brother doesn’t exactly tell me everything.”

“But you do know that whatever he’s doing right now is different from the usual.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because for the first time in years, I can tell you’re worried about him.”

“Actually, for the first time in years, I’m worried about you,” she counters.

Silence falls over the line.

“I know you’ve been unhappy with Samuel lately, Pumpkin, but you have to understand, he does what he does because he only wants to protect you and keep you safe.”

“Yes, but I am safe,” I mutter, my chest tightening. “There’s no danger in my life. If anything, you can agree that my life is boring and nothing ever happens.”

“That’s not true. Danger is always around the corner.”

“Grammy, you know what I mean.”

I hear her sigh and then she clears her throat.

“Listen, I’m about to start my shift but I wanted to make sure you arrived safely and that everything is fine. As for your brother and myself, don’t worry. Everything is all right. All the ghosts of the past have been settled.”

Well, not really.

“And, Ivy dear, there’s nothing wrong with being boring,” she suddenly says the words so softly, I almost miss them. “Boringis safe. Boring is peaceful. Boring sometimes gives way to a well-balanced life.”

Another wave of guilt washes over me.

“Yeah, you’re right! The only problem with that is I grew up close to the heirs of Westbrook Blues… I’ve lived my life vicariously through them.”

Grammy chuckles.

“Those kids have settled down as well. The years of grappling and fighting are done, so now my wish for all of you is that you all live happily, healthy, and safe.”

When we hang up, I can’t help but feel apologetic for what I’m about to do.

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