Page 84 of House of Soot

I nod, wondering if this is just a surreal dream. Ash, the brusque man who thinks I helped kill his parents and clearly isn’t happy about having to guard me, puts water on and then drops two slices of bread in the toaster.

I wish my mother were here. I think of the phone Blaise left me. I had a moment to consider calling 9-1-1, but I didn’t. I can’t say why for sure. Perhaps because I know the Keans have friends in the police, and I can’t be sure it would be safe. “Have you heard anything about my mother?”

“Phoenix took a shift last night. Flint should be back today.”

The kettle whistles, and he pours water over a bag of herbal tea. The toast pops, and he puts it on a plate, setting it on the island. He pulls butter and strawberry jam from the refrigerator and sets them next to the toast. I spread the jam on the toast and take a tentative bite.

"Your mom usually up this early?" Ash asks.

“Probably not.” It is just after six in the morning. I hope she’s resting.

"Flint says she's doing well. The doctors are happy with her recovery."

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. Everything feels like a trap, their kindness, their concern. Just like Blaise's attention felt real until it wasn't.

"He really does care about you.”

My gaze jerks up to him.

"Blaise isn't the type to risk everything for someone unless they matter."

"He pretended to care to hurt me and get to Ronan.”

"If that were true, he would've let Ronan kill you last night. Instead, he blew his cover and got shot protecting you."

All of a sudden, I’m not hungry anymore. I push the plate away. "He came to kill Ronan, not save me.”

He rolls his eyes. “Blaise was ready to leave through the tunnel when Ronan escaped. So no, he didn’t hunt down Ronan to finish the job. He hunted you down to save you. And lucky for you, he did, or you and your baby would both be dead.”

He’s definitely not one to mince words.

“It doesn’t change that he used me. Do you know how violated I feel? I gave him… well…” I don’t want to tell this man I gave my virginity to his brother.

“I see. So using your reasoning, I don’t have to forgive you because your being a kid blinded by schoolgirl love doesn’tchange that you let a murderer into my house, killing people I loved.”

I swallow, feeling the weight of the guilt he’s purposefully piling on me.

“People fuck up, Jenna.” He shrugs like this isn’t a big deal when it feels like the whole world to me. “Ronan was the target, but Blaise always felt the traitor who let him in the house should pay too. Ronan knew exactly what would happen when he got that information from you. Blaise thought you did too and were just as complicit.”

Ash’s words make me think. All those times Blaise asked about the past, probed for details about the fire, he wasn't just gathering intel. He was looking for a confession.

"I didn't know." My voice comes out small, broken. "I swear I didn't know they would hurt anyone. The Ifrinns were good to us. My father died protecting them."

“Then why tell Ronan about the passageway?”

I want to cry out, to go back to my thirteen-year-old self and warn her away from her silly crush. “The Keans were friends with the Ifrinns. It was just a game. I… I don’t know.” I look up at him. It’s finally getting through to me just how much my actions hurt them. Accident or not, they lost their family and home. And just like I bought Blaise’s lie, I bought the one the Keans told us about honoring the Ifrinns by rebuilding and running the business in their stead.

"I deserve whatever punishment you think I deserve," I whisper. "But please, my mom and the baby…"

"You don't deserve punishment." Ash's voice cuts through my spiral of self-loathing. "And neither does your baby. That's what I'm trying to tell you about Blaise."

I look up, catching a glimpse of something like understanding in his blue eyes.

"He went in ready to hate you, to make you pay. But the more time he spent with you…" Ash shakes his head. "I watched my brother change. He'd meet with us to report on his mission, and he’d seem conflicted. The rage that consumed him for years started slipping away."

If only that were true. "He was just playing a part. Last night, he told me it was all a lie."

Ash laughs, and I want to slap him for mocking my pain. “The lie was when he acted like he didn’t care for you. It lasted what, all of two seconds? The minute Ronan hit you, Blaise’s mission stopped being about killing Ronan and became all about protecting you."

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