Page 57 of House of Soot

"I just… I don't know what I'd do without her," she whispers. "She's all I have."

What about me?The thought comes unbidden. Unwanted. Worse, I want her to need me not as part of my plan to ruin her, but because I need her to need me. Like deep in my soul.

I pull her closer. “I’m here.”

She melts against me with a shaky sigh, and I hate myself for how right it feels to hold her like this. For how much I want to protect her, even as I plot to destroy her.

Jenna's hands tremble as she unfolds a paper. "Mom wrote this before surgery. She wanted me to have it, just in case…"

I take the paper she offers. Her mother's shaky handwriting fills the page with warmth and love for her daughter. Then my breath catches as I reach the part about me.

"You helped get her the heart?" She turns those bright green eyes on me, brimming with tears. "How did you…?"

I cup her face, trying to find words that won't reveal too much.

"Your mother deserved a chance," I say finally. "I just made sure the right people understood that."

She launches herself into my arms again, pressing her face into my neck. "Thank you. I can never repay you for this."

The pure gratitude in her voice tears at something deep inside me. This is exactly what I wanted, to make her indebted to me, to strengthen her emotional attachment before I destroy her. So why does it feel like I'm the one being ripped apart?

"You don't need to repay me," I murmur into her hair. "I did it because…"Because I'm falling for you. Because seeing you hurt kills me. Because somehow, you've made me forget everything except wanting to make you happy.

"Because what?" she asks softly.

I pull back, reality crashing over me like ice water. What am I doing? I can't tell her any of that, can't admit how deep she's gotten under my skin.

"Because you both deserve it.”

“That promotion gave you a lot of power and influence, I guess,” she says.

I shrug, knowing that she’s caught on to my using the Keans’ power and influence to help her mother. I just hope it doesn’t get back to them. “It’s part of my job to protect the Keans and what’s theirs.”

"You must be good to have Ronan trusting you like he does.”

"Right place, right time, I guess. They needed someone who could handle crisis situations after the recent attacks."

"And you certainly proved yourself."

The irony of being praised for handling a crisis I created makes me want to laugh. Or scream. Instead, I kiss her temple. "Just doing my job."

“I don’t know how I’d get through any of this without you. You’ve proven yourself to me too.”

Guilt threatens to break me. For a moment, I consider telling her everything, laying bare all my sins and secrets, consequences be damned. About who I really am, about my brothers waiting in the shadows, about how every step closer to the Keans is meant to destroy them. And her.

“I’m happy that you let me in.”

She smiles up at me, her eyes studying me like she’s looking for something. “There’s a lot to you, Blaise Tine. I want to know it all.”

Oh, how I wish I could let her know all of me. “Oh?”

“Like how you can afford fancy restaurants and expensive hotels on a guard’s salary.”

“I save my money.” That’s not a total lie. I’m actually a pretty frugal guy. But my father had hidden away a fortune that I and my brothers got access to after his death. Plus, my brothers and I have our own businesses to help fund our revenge.

Her eyes narrow as if she doesn’t believe me.

Eager to change the subject, I trail my fingers along her arm. "You know, if you really want to repay me for helping with your mom…"

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