Page 51 of Mischievous Lies

“If I didn’t, then… then…”

“Then what?” she asks, placing a hand on her hip. “You can’t take this back.”

I know. I know I can’t.

But if I hadn’t…

It would have damned Ford and Billie as well. Even if the woman had shot me first, I couldn’t have brought them to the hospital in time.

There’s so much blood on my hands.

When I look up, Ivy is walking away. I reach for her, but she’s already turning into smoke, slipping through my fingers.

I gasp, jolting upright in the bed. Shadows form around me in the darkness as I pat myself down, remembering where I am—Ford’s spare room. The blankets are on the floor where I must’ve kicked them off in my restless sleep. I look at the clock. Damn, not even three hours of sleep. That’s the most I’ve had all week.

I rub my tired eyes, my mind drifting to Ivy’s disgusted expression. I know that didn’t happen. I know she wasn’t there that day, but it doesn’t bring me any peace when Ivy hasn’t spoken to me for almost a week.

The last time I saw her was that evening when we hijacked the hotel room. She ran out so quickly, and I couldn’t make any sense of it. She looked terrified, and that scared me. I never want her to look at me like that again, and so that’s what’s been replaying in my nightmares.

I put on some loose pants and walk into Ford’s kitchen. It’s only three in the morning, but I want to keep myself busy, so I start to cook some bacon and eggs. Felix meows as he joins me, and I pick him up as I explain the basics of cooking bacon to him since the little shit always tries to swipe some off my plate.

I’m deep in my thoughts, and before I know it, I’ve cooked enough to feed four people.

I can’t stop thinking about Ivy. When she doesn’t want to be found or spoken to, she’s sure able to make it hard to track her down. I’ve been so fucking busy with hunting down these drug suppliers that the days slipped by. And whenever I’m at her door, tempted to kick it down, she doesn’t answer. Sometimes, I’m not even sure if she’s there.

“Want to explain why you’re cooking up enough eggs for a military camp?” Ford asks as he leans against the doorframe. I immediately dump the cat, not wanting him to detract from my manliness. But also because I know Ford and Felix hardly tolerate one another, and I know it pisses him off that his cat likes me more.

“Just couldn’t sleep,” I admit. “I hope I didn’t wake Billie up as well.”

A devilish smirk crosses his features. “She’ll be dead to the world for a while.”

I plate up a small dish for him, smiling sadly to myself. “I like this version of you. I like seeing how happy you are.”

He sits across from me, studying me with eyes that match my own. Ford has always been the calculating one, the smart one, and I’d literally die for him. But lately, I feel like I’m nothing but a nuisance as I stay at their home almost every night.

“Everything okay?” he asks, ignoring the plate I offer him. I start digging into my own mountain of food. Food usually makes me feel better.

I lean back on the counter. I want to brush it off and tell him everything is fine. I don’t want to be more of a downer for him, but there’s been an elephant in the room from the moment he woke up in that hospital bed.

I’m not religious by any means, but I prayed that they would take me instead of him. Now that he’s here, and their side of the bargain was kept, I don’t know what to do with myself.

“I thought you were going to die that day,” I say quietly. Finding him like that, pale and unresponsive… He always seemed invincible to me, the smarter of us. That type of dumb shit is expected of me, not him.

“So did I,” he admits, and we can’t look at one another eye to eye. A tension ripples through us. A possibility that one day it might happen, even when all this time we’ve felt like nothing can touch us. It’s a fall from the pedestal I usually like to put myself on, and it almost makes me feel selfish, focusing on killing that woman instead of his experience at her hands. He almost died, for God’s sake, and I’m being tormented by a ghost.

“I never thanked you for everything you did that day. For me and Billie,” Ford says. I meet his gaze then. I’ve always lookedup to him. We’ve always had one another’s backs, and that will never change. But we’ve both changed since he was poisoned.

My fork pauses as I go to shovel up another egg. I look at the pleading eyes of Felix and throw him a piece of bacon, always a sucker for the little furball. “I— I—” I clear my throat, struggling for the confession. “I killed the woman who poisoned you. She pulled a gun on me, and I knew it was either her or me. And if it was me… I wouldn’t be able to get to you. We always promised we wouldn’t hurt women or children, and I… I feel like a selfish asshole since you were the one who almost died. And?—”

“Hawke,” Ford says, snapping my attention to him. “I will always be grateful to you, and I’m sorry it came at such an expense. You saved me and Billie, and I want to know what I can do to save you from this.” He gets up and comes to me, then hugs me.

I’m so stunned that I don’t say anything for a while. We don’t hug. And yet, this embrace says something in a language that doesn’t need words. He’s here. Alive.

Even if I have to fight a thousand ghosts, isn’t that worth it?

“I’ll be okay,” I say, noting that I’m tearing up. I clear my throat, then add, “I’m just glad you’re happy.”

“You know Billie doesn’t mind that you stay here. Just no walking around naked in my house.”

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