Page 55 of Quest

That tense confrontation marked only the beginning; the force of Mei’s disgruntled glare promised yet another. I summoned my courage to glance towards her. The fire in her eyes I’d come to crave raged furiously, and might have been exhilarating if I wasn’t the source of her ire.

She drew near, causing my heartbeat to quicken in anticipation for a reason far different than the battle that was about to commence. “You promised to help me protect my secret, but so far your efforts have made me almost get caught. Are you sabotaging me on purpose?”

“I would never do that.”

Despite the fluster her proximity caused, I must have sounded sincere, because her frustration softened into a sigh. “Then why have I received more attention ever since you discovered my identity?”

I sensed the reasons lurking in my subconscious, just beyond my reach. I had an inkling of what they were, but to admit them would complicate everything, thrusting me into a battle I had no hope of winning…and traveling with her was already torturous enough even without such a confession.

But she deserved some explanation. “I can’t help it,” I murmured. “Now that I see you as Mei, it’s impossible to pretend you’re anyone else. This is why I initially forbade you from accompanying us on our quest. I knew I had no hope against a beautiful, intelligent, and strong woman…and that was before we became friends. Now I feel we’ve crossed the point of no return, and I can never return to the way it was before.”

It had been the apology I’d been wanting to give her ever since departing her apothecary several weeks ago. She blinked, seeming startled by this confession. “That was the real reason you forbade my accompanying you? It had nothing to do with my capabilities?” At my confirming nod, a small, hopeful smile touched her lips, a sight too beguiling for me to immediately look away.

Our journey together had revealed her character: her profound knowledge, unwavering resilience, fierce independence, endearing vulnerabilities, and undeniable bravery. With my focus on my royal duties, I seldom paid much attention to the women of the court…only to meet this remarkable woman beyond the palace walls. Rather than the glittering jewels and coy conversations I was accustomed to, Mei’s admirable qualities only deepened the friendship we’d already forged, her essence combining into everything that was beautiful and beguiling, challenging my preconceived notions of strength and grace.

These thoughts plagued me throughout the morning. Our entourage took a break at noon, but whatever physical respite it offered felt insignificant against the inner turmoil raging within me. While Jiang and Kael sought refuge in the shade, restlessness gripped me, and I found myself pacing. My footsteps of their own accord led me towards where Mei rested just a short distance away behind a copse of trees that afforded us some privacy.

She gave me a quizzical look, and I grasped at the first excuse I could think of to explain my presence. “Just checking to make sure you're alright.”

Naturally the words ruffled her fierce independence that was one of many of her endearing qualities. “Of course I am. I’m perfectly capable of managing a morning's travel.”

I knew she was more than capable; she was perhaps the most competent woman I had ever encountered…as well as the most intriguing, a fact which only deepened my consuming desire, compelling me to find reasons to be near her. “It’s been some time since our last training session. Even though you’re disguised as Ren, I was under the impression it was Mei’s desire to grow stronger.”

As the words left my lips, I recognized that my motives were not entirely altruistic—as loathe as I was to admit it, they were driven by the selfish desire to interact with her under any guise, even one that was becoming increasingly difficult to have her maintain.

In truth, my invitation to train her again was a thinly veiled excuse; I had been unable to fully appreciate our first training session while under the assumption she was a boy, and I felt disgruntled by the missed opportunity to be close to her. The struggle to maintain professional distance was wearing on me, and my efforts to resist the urge to be close to her were faltering, growing ever stronger…until my resolve weakened completely.

I chided myself for these dishonorable desires, my resistance worn thin by exhaustion and an internal struggle that I was slowly losing. Regardless of my desperation, my wish wasn’t entirely selfish—enhancing her swordsmanship was a valuable skill, even for a brave and beguiling herbalist.

My reasoning seemed persuasive enough for her to reluctantly agree to my guidance. I handed her my sword and scrutinized her stance and technique, searching for any imperfection that could justify my intervention, before settling on the way she wielded her sword. Her grip was nearly flawless, but I felt compelled to suggest an adjustment.

I stepped forward. “Your hold needs adjusting.”

She narrowed her eyes at her hand. “This is the way you previously taught me.”

“No, it’s wrong. Here—” As I adjusted her grip, my hand inadvertently draped over hers. I was unprepared for the effect her touch had on me; the contact sparked an unexpected warmth against my skin, even more so than when we’d been looking at the map earlier. My fingers lingered longer than necessary, each subtle adjustment sending a thrill through me, the closeness a sweet torment.

“You’re holding it like you would a fan.” I kept my tone deliberately gruff, an additional protective barrier that her presence desperately required.

Her cheeks flushed an endearing pink as I closed the distance between us, using the proximity to adjust her posture. My hands on her shoulders felt more intimate than before as I moved her arms into position. I had to remind myself of the role I was supposed to play on improving her stance and bolstering her masculine disguise, tasks crucial for her protection.

Instead I found myself drawn into teasing her, nudging her boundaries just to elicit her spirited responses, a game that was becoming perilously delightful. “You need to be rougher, not delicate. Apply the same aggression to your movements that you do to those jabbing words you so often love to aim at me.”

Mei’s eyes narrowed playfully as she met my gaze with her usual spark of defiance. “Perhaps if my instructor wasn’t so distracting, I might learn faster.”

“Distracting how? Does this mean you think I’m handsome?”

I meant it as a quip to coax one of her sharp comebacks, but instead she blushed, a delightful sight that confirmed my secret hope and sent a warm flutter through my heart—a sensation that was becoming more common with each of our interactions.

A slow grin spread across my face. “I’m afraid there isn’t much I can do about my dashing charm.”

She huffed, though the smile tugging at the corner of her lips betrayed her playful annoyance. “You’re mistaken—it’s not your looks or your charm, but your unbearable modesty that’s truly distracting.”

Her words spoken in a voice laced with mock severity drew a genuine laugh from me; I was unable to suppress it in the face of her wit, so much like the Mei I’d come to know that made it increasingly difficult to maintain my façade of mere camaraderie. Our playful banter breathed life into me, igniting my heart with emotions too potent to ignore.

“I’ll make a valiant effort to become more humble if it’ll endear me in your good graces.”

She shook her head, a chuckle escaping her despite her feigned annoyance. “I fear it might be a lost cause at this point.” Her jest was light, yet the warmth underlying her tone imbued the air with a closeness that was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

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