Page 36 of Vanish

A strange feeling settled over me as I watched him buried under his tasks, the urgent need to help. I tried to grasp one of his many documents but my hand only went uselessly through it. Even if I could pick it up, I doubted I possessed the knowledge required to assist him. A stab of frustration coursed through me at my shortcomings and I wondered, not for the first time, how I could possibly be a strong and wise consort for Lucien…assuming I was ever restored to my body.

Father hadn’t felt any need to provide me with an education that extended beyond the bare minimum required of a noblewoman, considering he saw me as nothing more than a pawn to maneuver however he saw fit—the most useful strategy being to create a union that would be most advantageous to him. My arrangement with Lucien had happened outside my awareness, already set in motion by the time I’d learned of it, making me powerless to question the decision.

Some of the surviving memories from my courtship stirred, painful recollections of the sense of inadequacy I experienced each time I visited Brimoire. Compared to Lucien’s capabilities, I was ill-suited for the mantle I would inherit upon our union.

My earlier fear that had been waiting in the wings of my thoughts returned.Perhaps it’s not you he wants, but instead he’s desperate to protect the reason your union was arranged. I remembered with a sense of dread that I had not yet ascertained whether he knew of my true parentage. Would his reasons for desiring a marriage alliance with me disappear once he discovered the truth?

“Are you alright?” Lucien noticed my melancholy the next time he sought me out.

I wasn’t yet brave enough to ask for the reasons why he’d agreed to our union. I lowered my eyes. “You’re so busy and my curse is only adding to your burden. I wish there was a way I could help you.” Yet even if I had the body needed to peruse the mountainous stack of documents, I doubted I was capable enough to assist him—not just in this instance but any of the duties required of a queen.

I startled as the shadow of his fingers’ caress grazed my chin, encouraging me to lift my gaze in order to meet his. “For now your presence by my side is enough.”

Despite the comfort brought by such a sentiment, it didn’t fully ease my anxiety. With the ever-escalating stakes it seemed wasteful to spend my time in idleness; I’d done too much of that already with the passiveness I’d allowed to dictate my life for far too long.

I would need to experiment with how much distance I could manage, while still allowing us to maintain the fragile connection keeping me tethered to the visible world in order to do all within my power for him. Perhaps I could use this time to investigate other areas of the palace, though I wasn’t sure how much I would be able to accomplish with my current inability to interact with the tangible world.

I would slip away so Lucien could work without any distractions the moment his attention was diverted. The door fell within Lucien’s direct line-of-sight, so instead I sidled soundlessly towards the wall and pushed experimentally against it. My hand easily went through to the corridor on the other side, confirming I’d be able to leave without his notice. I pressed my shoulder into the wall and allowed it to enclose half of my body.

“Lisette!” Lucien’s frantic cry was followed by the sound of his chair toppling over as he rushed towards me. I tried to turn around to tell him of my plan and assure him I wouldn’t be wandering far…only to find I couldn’t move. The wall I’d once broached as easily as dipping my hand into a pond had suddenly solidified, trapping the left side of my body still wedged inside. Try as I might, I couldn’t tug myself free.

Panic momentarily swelled, but before my anxiety could completely overtake me Lucien finally reached me; his presence alone calmed my fears enough for me to remind myself that without a body I couldn’t truly be hurt.

Confusion furrowed his brow when I made no motion to emerge from the wall and join him on this side. I squeezed my eyes shut in mortification to block out his face once I admitted my predicament; I’d never wanted to succumb to the vanishing force more than I did in this moment.

“It appears the curse chose this particular moment to give me enough form to prevent me from going through things.”

I braced myself for the mirth that would surely follow the ridiculous pronouncement but there was only heavy silence. I tentatively peeked one eye open a sliver to find him gaping at me with bulging eyes.

“You’re…stuck in the wall?” At my nod, the amusement I’d anticipated caused lips to twitch. “This is another twist I never would have expected would unfold during our courtship.”

I heaved a dramatic sigh. “Your royal education was quite lacking if it neglected to teach you the honorable way of assisting your fiancée when she becomes trapped in the palace architecture.”

He snorted. He tried to suppress the offensive reaction with his hand, but it escaped in a burst of bouncy, contagious sound.

I gaped at him, certain that this was the first time I’d ever heard him laugh. It lit his normally emotionless eyes and reached across the space dividing us to enfold me in a cocoon of warmth, its comforting embrace made stronger knowing my wit had caused his mirth.

My embarrassment melted away and I couldn’t help but smile in return. “I suppose every courtship needs a few obstacles to overcome.”

“True, but I never envisioned one such asthis.” His humor vanished in an instant. “Are you in any pain?”

“No, just…uncomfortable.” I’d experienced such a sensation many times before, but not since the curse had consumed my body. My entire left side ached from being pinched by the stones and exhaustion weighed my limbs, as if the days I hadn’t required rest had suddenly overwhelmed me in a single rush of discomfort.

Perplexity furrowed his brow. “Uncomfortable? But without a body, you shouldn’t…” He trailed off and reached out a hesitant hand and experimentally tentatively poked my arm. Once more his touch went through me, but in a different way than before—rather than my feeling nothing more than the mere shadow of his touch, this time it felt similar to making contact while wearing gloves.

I gasped at the startling sensation and lifted my gaze to meet his own startled one. We stared at one another a moment before he experimentally ran his forefinger down my arm, leaving behind a trail of heat. Upon reaching my hand, his fingers fluttered against my skin as they curled around my hand.

At first our position wasn’t much different from the other moments he’d tried holding my hand, but then feeling gradually returned as my body thawed from its previous state of numbness to awaken to the sensations created from the warmth of his skin against mine…though my hand remained transparent, evidence I remained cloaked beneath the curse’s power.

Awe softened his expression. “I’m touching you.”

He waited a moment, as if afraid this reprieve was only temporary and I would eventually lose form. When I remained solid, he laced our fingers together, causing pleasure to extend from his touch to tiptoe across my skin.

“I’m touching you.” His reverence deepened as his thumb stirred in tentative exploration to stroke the back of my own before he suddenly stilled. “Is this alright?”

Breathless, I nodded. I’d spent a long time wondering what it’d be like to hold his hand and the experience was far more incredible than I could have imagined, so much so that I was certain I’d never experienced anything quite like it before…raising doubts once again as to whether we’d truly had the close relationship he’d previously claimed, tainting the moment before I forced it away.

He mistook my fleeting emotion and worry eclipsed his previous wonder. “Forgive me, I’m not meaning to make light of a serious situation. We need to free you from the wall.”

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