Page 5 of Decoy

“I’m certain you’ll be able to live up to your family legacy long before that happens.”

I yearned to believe Malik’s familiar affirmation. But though I knew he meant well, his reassurances sounded less certain the longer they proved unfounded…especially with how rapidly my time was slipping away.

Keeping his tone bright, Malik continued. “Even if you’re unable to perform the actual deed, at least you’ve been able to pay attention to my techniques.”

I squeezed my eyes shut in shame, my silent admission that although in the beginning I’d made a valiant effort to do just that, in the end I’d been forced to look away, unable to witness the moment when life vanished from our victim’s eyes. Unfortunately, I could still imagine it all too well.

A heavy silence settled between us before Malik broke it with a sigh. “I see.” He considered a moment. “Perhaps it’ll help not to think of them aspeople. Rather”—he paused as he tried to come up with an appropriate word—”tools.”

“Tools?”

“It’s not that much of a stretch—their actions stole their humanity long ago. Now their only purpose is to give us what we need before we administer the justice they deserve.”

This teaching had been instilled in me since the earliest days of my education. Deep down I didn’t truly believe it, though like everything else I pretended I did. I wasn’t entirely certain whether Malik did either. Perhaps he had convinced himself of the lie to make his path forward easier to traverse. I’d do well to do the same if I had any hope of surviving the life fate had been unkind enough to force upon me.

Keeping to the shadows, we began our long trek home. Tonight’s target had been stationed closer than usual, only an hour away rather than the lengthy journey some missions required. I was grateful; the sooner we returned, the sooner I could work to block out the events of the night, to bury them with the countless others from my past I’d spent years trying and failing to completely forget.

Distance allowed the nauseous fog to gradually fade from my thoughts, leaving only the deep sense of shame that always followed each of my failures. “I truly thought I could do it this time.”

Indeed, I’d been certain of it the entire week leading up to our mission, but in hindsight those emotions had been nothing more than an attempt to claim confidence that in reality I didn’t truly feel…which meant deep down I’d known that once more I wouldn’t be able to follow through with the duties expected of me.

Malik sighed. “I too hoped you’d be able to. You seemed so determined.”

My memory stretched back to earlier, when we’d first set out. Just enough light had filled the night to easily track our target without being too much to dispel the darkness necessary to hide our presence. The breeze had blown from the direction we traveled, further aiding our pursuit. Confidence filled my every step towards our waiting prey. Surely such ideal conditions boded well for me finally doing what I’d been born to do.

But then I’d seen him, and every reason about every benefit this man’s death would bring that I’d been repeatedly reminding myself of vanished in an instant, leaving nothing but disgust that instantly robbed me of my already weak confidence and with it every skill I’d spent a lifetime mastering.

The thought of his lifeless eyes and the resulting blood stained my thoughts. Tremors had overcome me, making it impossible to hold my knife, let alone throw it. The hilt burned my skin, a taunting reminder that the moment I used it, I’d become nothing more than a monster I abhorred.

I hesitated too long, requiring Malik to throw his weapon instead. The whoosh of the dagger and the resulting sharp gasp of pain became consumed by our target’s fatal silence, the worst sound in the world. The scent of blood had immediately followed.

With a revulsed shudder I tried to force the gruesome thoughts away in order to search the night for any sign within the forest that someone might be following us, but unfortunately my haunting memories weren’t so easily dispelled.

Malik cast me a sidelong glance. “You need to pay attention; enemies could be lurking anywhere.”

“I’m trying.” I sounded as tired as I felt. His scolding expression softened.

“I know, and when you’re not so…distracted, you’re the most skilled of us all.”

His underserved praise was nothing more than a lie; I was an imposter compared to Malik and the other assassins I trained with, all of whom laid claim to the one thing I couldn’t.

These thoughts haunted me the entire journey and were only magnified when my towering estate loomed through the trees, cast in a sheen of grey morning light as dawn finally pushed away the horrible night. The moment we passed through the spidery black gates I wanted to lock myself in my room, but the footman who greeted us immediately robbed me of these hopes.

“Welcome back, Lord Luke. His Grace wants a full report and to brief you on your next mission.”

Another mission?Already?I hadn’t even had a chance to recover from the last one; I was still trying to scrub away the blood staining my memories.

Only years of training effectively maintained control over my emotions, a task far easier now than it’d been beneath the covert cover of darkness. I kept my face impassive as I obediently nodded. The moment the footman was out of earshot, I turned my silent pleading onto my friend.

His hesitation was only brief. “Whatever his task, I will accompany you if His Grace doesn’t also have a mission for me.”

Some of my suffocating anxiety slightly eased. “Thank you, Malik.”

With a final pat on my shoulder he departed, leaving me alone in the grand entranceway, where I remained for several minutes, pretending to be idly admiring the artwork adorning the walls lest any passerby wander by, when in reality I was struggling to maintain my fragile composure.

I managed to seize hold of it by the thinnest thread, which felt on the brink of breaking once I set out for my dreaded destination. With every step, the shadows filling the corridors seemed to mock me, a taunting reminder I was an imposter to our family name.

Excited footsteps suddenly sounded behind me. “You’re home!” That cheerful voice was the only thing powerful enough to deviate my course from my father and his demand of exact obedience.

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