Page 74 of Beacon

I sensed this too, even though I couldn’t understand what these changes meant. Our entire relationship up until this point had been orchestrated so that Owen could avoid his unwanted match and I could reclaim my lighthouse. In this moment there was no stage, no audience…and yet what was happening between us now was anything but platonic. I didn’t understand why such a beautiful feeling filled the spaces between us, why Owen hadn’t yet pulled away, or what the whispers of my heart seemed to be trying to tell me.

“Whatever is happening,” he murmured. “I want it to continue.”

His words unlocked something beyond my voice…yet without words I had nothing to express the deepening feelings of my heart, ones I had no business experiencing when I was nothing more than a commoner being rewarded to pretend to be in love with an out-of-reach prince.

In this moment there was so much I yearned to express: my heartache that our relationship was only pretend when I now wanted nothing more than for it to become real, a wish that, like my words, felt forever out of reach…just like him. I ached to tell him this, a desire that made me wish I was strong enough to reclaim my voice, but it seemed to have retreated.

And all because I’d chosen silence.

CHAPTER26

The golden rosy hues of dusk painted the oceanic landscape as Owen and I walked along the beach, leaving a trail of footprints in the sand. Owen’s hand enfolded mine, gently tugging me forward. I tapped his arm for the fourth time and gave him a curious look that was now becoming marred with a bit of impatience.

His grin was teasing. “I’m beginning to suspect you don’t know the meaning of asurprise.”

I wrinkled my nose and he chuckled before giving my hand a playful tug.

“The surprise likely isn’t grand enough to warrant such teasing, but your expressions are too charming for me to resist the impulse. Not to worry, your curiosity soon will be abated; we’re almost there.”

I glanced around the beach. The location wasn’t different from where we usually spent our time together, certainly not different enough to warrant how mysterious Owen was being about his arranged destination.

Our stroll led us to a dock where a single rowboat awaited us. I immediately froze, forcing him to pause. He glanced back, brows furrowed. His eyes widened upon seeing my fear.

“What’s wrong?”

Panic clawed at my throat. Even with words I doubted I’d have been unable to explain my reasons for not wanting to venture out onto the water; the painful memories such an excursion would cause would taint whatever beautiful moment we might otherwise have experienced during our outing.

Owen easily guessed the words that remained unspoken between us. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about your father. Of course you’d be nervous to venture onto the water after what happened to him.” He frowned when I shook my head to indicate that wasn’t the problem. “Did something else happen on the water?”

Though he didn’t intend them that way, the words felt like an accusation, reminding me of my irretrievable mistake I could never escape. I squeezed my eyes shut, as if the gesture could hide the truth filling my gaze. His warmth enfolded me as he stepped forward and an almost tingly sensation tickled my skin as his soft touch cupped my chin.

“By your reaction I’m guessing you also had a painful experience with the ocean. Despite its beauty, it can be merciless. I also used to avoid it in the years following Renee’s death before realizing that doing so was causing me to lose not just my sister but the ocean itself.” His fingers grazed my cheek, compelling me to open my eyes and look at him. “It’d be a shame for you to lose the ocean’s beauty to the darkness of whatever past memories you might be harboring. Let me help you recapture the joy you used to feel.”

I stiffened, torn between my fears and my desire to reacquaint myself with the ocean. I used to spend many happy hours sailing with Father…before Mother’s accident had made me afraid of boats.

I stared across the ocean. The hypnotic sound of the waves had begun to call to me from the moment I’d stepped onto the beach, beckoning me to return. I unconsciously stepped close enough so that the gentle waves rolled over my feet.

The longer I stared across the water, the more the anxieties from the locked away memories that had haunted me for so long began to weaken, causing them to slip free from the barriers I’d erected to protect them. I allowed them to wash over me like the tide against my feet; with each rolling wave I felt my fears ease, as if the water was taking them away each time it receded into the ocean.

I bit my lip and glanced sideways at Owen. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I’ll be beside you the entire time.”

He was so kind, so gentle. If anyone could get me to venture onto a boat again, it would undoubtedly be him. Yet though his presence was reassuring, I wasn’t sure it’d be enough.

My desire to confide in him compelled me to gesture with a sweeping motion to the ocean while resting my hands over my heart with a small smile before pointing to the boat with a terrified expression and slowly backing away, all in hopes of conveying some semblance of my thoughts, an alternative to speaking I continuously chose despite my recent spoken breach:I love water but fear boats.

I glanced towards Owen to find him studying my pantomime carefully. “But if this isn’t about your father…what happened to cause your fear?”

Shoulders tense, I bit my lip and closed my eyes.

Gentleness softened his expression. “I’m sorry that the incident haunting you has kept you from something you love. Fear’s power can be far too consuming.” His eyes clouded and his mind appeared far away, as if his thoughts had drifted back to what the mystical pool had shown us several days before—the accident that had robbed him of his sister and left him with the same guilt that so often felt inescapable.

And yet he’d managed to conquer that fear enough to return to the water. I glanced towards the boat bobbing gently near the dock. Was the safety I felt with him more powerful than the memories that haunted me?

“Which part of you is stronger?” Owen asked. “Your love for the sea or the fears keeping you from it?”

My fear, while acute, wasn’t nearly as powerful as the longing swelling in my chest, inviting me back to the sea. My desires might not have been strong enough on their own, but with Owen’s support I believed they’d finally be enough.

I took a wavering breath and allowed Owen to guide me towards the dock. My heart escalated with every step, and whatever bravery I’d managed to summon vanished the moment we reached the boat. I immediately stilled.

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