Page 48 of Turret

“The woods surrounding the Malvagarian palace are vast and great to explore,” Quinn said. “I would love to show you my favorite places.”

I loved the idea of exploring the woods with Quinn. I used to spend a lot of time from my bedroom window staring out across the trees, wondering what mysteries they contained. But if that forest was anything like these woods, I knew I’d love it, too.

I began exploring earnestly. I felt the textured bark of each tree, traced the shapes of the leaves, investigated hollows, found a bird’s nest to study, and spent time watching the squirrels darting along the branches. I also gathered nature’s treasures as I discovered them—interesting-looking leaves, clumps of berries that stained my fingertips, pinecones, and acorns with their darling caps. It was all so new and delightful, an adventure I never wanted to end.

Eventually I found a patch of wildflowers growing nearby and contented myself with picking them before settling on a log to weave them into a crown, an activity Reve had taught me when we were little. She used to bring a basket of flowers to my room and sit on my bed with me, where we’d pass the afternoons weaving crown after crown. It was such a lovely memory, one I’d forgotten in the hurt from her betrayal in helping Mother trap me in the tower. My heart ached at the remembrance of the betrayal, though not strong enough to eclipse how much I missed my sister.

After so many years since my last floral crown, my fingers had forgotten the once familiar process of weaving flowers together. Quinn settled beside me to watch with rapt attention as I struggled to connect two blossoms by their stems. His attention caused my fingers to fumble. I stole a sideways glance.

“Though the woods are still new to me, I’ve already been here long enough to know I’m not nearly as interesting as the surrounding beauty.”

Crimson blotched his cheeks and he hastily looked away. “Forgive me, I’m just trying to remember every detail of this moment.”

He said nothing more, but additional words weren’t needed. My despair, never far, rose. It was an effort to push it away and force a smile. “Wonderful moments deserve to be remembered. I’m doing my best to do the same so that I can look back at this moment the next time I’m trapped in bed.”

His widening grin dispelled his lingering melancholy. “I doubt there will be many more moments of confinement in the future; your health is vastly improving; I’m so grateful you were able to find a remedy that will allow you to finally come outside and enjoy all it has to offer without growing tired or ill.”

It was true: already I’d been outside far longer than I ever had growing up, yet I wasn’t tired or lightheaded. I could feel myself beaming at him as I again marveled at all I was finally able to do. We shared a reverent moment of quiet appreciation together before he spoke again.

“I’m also pleased you find this moment worth remembering. I knew you’d love it.”

I succeeded in weaving two flower stems together and picked up another to add to my growing crown. “Then you know me better than I know myself. Considering how much I’m enjoying myself, I’m quite embarrassed I resisted the world for so long.”

“You grew so accustomed to the limitations placed upon you that you didn’t dare imagine anything more for yourself, but I knew that once you found your wings, you’d savor the freedom that comes from flying.”

I paused to consider that word.Freedom…wasthatwhat I was experiencing? Was I truly free? I hadn’t just breached the tower walls but had overcome the fears that had kept me inside. This afternoon had helped me catch a glimpse of the beauty I’d spent my entire life missing, allowing me to experience something my life of illness had previously denied me.

I slowly looked around, taking in every detail. “Being out here now makes me wonder how I could spend so much of my life afraid.”

“There isn’t always an explanation for our fears,” Quinn said thoughtfully. “But taking the first step in overcoming them has proven you’re both stronger than them and unwilling to allow them to shape you any longer. You deserve to experience all that life has to offer.”

It was difficult imagining I was strong inanything, not when I’d spent my entire life being considered weak, both by myself and others. And although I knew I still lacked the strength to permanently leave the tower, this venture was certainly a start.

I returned to my flower crown with a much lighter heart. While I’d managed to connect two of the blossoms, I still hadn’t yet penetrated the mysteries behind the art. My fingers fumbled, causing the flowers I’d woven together to come apart.

I sighed. “I used to spend hours weaving flower crowns with Reve, but it’s much more difficult than I remember.” I glanced at Quinn. “Have your experiences with the outdoors extended to creating a flower crown?”

He chuckled. “That would be my sister’s expertise, one she mastered during the hours I spent training for my knighthood.” His brow furrowed as another flower fell from my woven crown. “It does seem rather tricky.”

“I confess it’s much more difficult than I thought it’d be after seeing the completed ones Reve used to bring me, but I’m determined to succeed.”

His warmth enfolded me as he scooted closer and rested his fingers over mine, undoubtedly to help me, but all thoughts of floral crowns fled at his touch, leaving nothing buthim.

My breath caught and he stilled. For a beautiful moment we sat together, our breathing labored. It took me a moment to summon the courage to steal a peek up at him…and I couldn’t look away, lost in the love filling his eyes as he stared at me in return.

Longing filled me as my gaze flickered to his lips, just as it’d done on the tower rooftop. I started to lean in, but before I could bridge the distance, he pulled away.

As before, his rejection stung. “Please, Quinn?”

Yearning filled his eyes, and for a moment I thought he’d say yes…before he pulled fully away with a regretful sigh. He turned away, as if looking at me would cause him to give in to the temptation I ached to explore.

I stared at his back, yet another wall keeping me from the life I wanted to live. I was growing quite tired of walls. “Didn’t you just tell me you want me to experience all life has to offer?”

He was silent a long moment before he glanced over his shoulder, his expression pained. “You will, Gemma. You deserve to love and be loved in return. I have no doubt that’s in your future…but it can’t be with me. I’ll only take things away from you, for being with me will cause another curse to overshadow your life…but unlike your tower, it’s not one you’ll ever be able to escape.”

Couldn’t he see that having him despite his curse was far better than not having him at all? Did he really think my love was conditional and I wouldn’t accept him exactly as he was, just as he had always accepted me despite my own illness?

The unfinished flower crown tumbled from my lap as I stood and left the woods, leaving behind the treasures I’d carefully gathered, for the magic of the moment was lost. How cruel to get a taste of the world and yet know that what I most wanted remained forever out of reach.

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