Page 174 of Sins & Secrets

“Jake, I’m …” I want to say married, taken, in love with another man. The last line would be true. I’ll always love Evan, and nothing will ever change that.

“I thought maybe you would like some company,” he states, tilting his head as he leans against the wall. The muscles on his shoulders ripple as he does it. “I went through something a bit ago and I know I could use a distraction.”

A distraction would be nice.I can’t help that the thought makes me more relaxed each second that passes.

His half smile and gentle sigh are what do me in as he shrugs and slips his hands into his pockets. “I thought maybe you needed someone. Or that you’d like the company.” He’s even more handsome when he looks at me like that. It’s a look that makes me feel warmth running through me. Compassion and understanding.

I’ve never been so tempted in my life. I so desperately need someone. I need someone to pick me up and force me to think about something else, because I’m a hopeless wreck.

“It’s very sweet of you and I won’t lie,” I start to say and then hesitate to finish the thought, but settle on the basic truth. “I wouldn’t act on anything because I just can’t right now. I would never forgive myself and it wouldn’t be fair to you.” My words are rushed at the end, trying to defend my decision and assuage me of the guilt I’m feeling.

“Hey,” Jacob says with an easy tone that breaks through the anxiety washing over me. His reassuring voice forces me to look into his gentle gaze. It’s comforting and relaxing and makes me not trust myself. “How about this? How about you call me if you think you want to hang out or talk, or whatever it is that’s onyour mind?” he asks in a soothing tone that’s almost melodic. It calms me, each word a consoling balm to the hurt that rages through my body.

I want that. More than anything, I want this pain that I feel to stop. I would give anything to make it go away. Jacob could do that, but it would be short-lived. I blink away the haze of lust, the cloud of want and desire leaving me slowly, very slowly. I clear my throat and look him in the eyes as I tell him, “I can’t.”

“’Cause we’re going to work together?” he asks, although the way he tilts his head and strains his words makes it more than obvious that he knows why I can’t. My lips form a thin straight line as I shake my head no.

“You love him?”

“I do, but that’s not why. I’m just—I’m not okay and I need to figure things out …” I can’t finish the thought, but thankfully I don’t have to.

“I understand,” Jacob says and runs his hand through his thick hair. My eyes are caught in his as I nod in thanks.

“Let’s pretend this didn’t happen then?”

“I’d rather you remember,” he says with a grin that makes me crave him more. “I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he says and then turns to leave. To walk away from me and leave me alone in my misery, just as I asked.

For a second I want to reach out and stop him from leaving; I don’t want to go back to what’s waiting for me. I don’t want to face what I have to do.

But my fingers grip the edge of the foyer doorway as Jacob turns away and heads to the front door.

“I’ll talk to you later then?”

I should say no. I should cut off whatever this is. It’s dangerous and I can feel myself heading toward an edge where I won’t be able to balance. I can see myself falling. And that’s whyI give him a small smile and nod my head. “Later,” I say, the word slipping from my lips like a sin.

EVAN

The radio in the car is silenced as I turn off the ignition. It’s not often I get a parking spot so close to the townhouse. It was a sacrifice we made when we bought the place a few years ago.

My head falls back against the leather headrest and I stare up at the building, at the top two floors on the right side, knowing that Kat’s in there. So close, but so damn far away just the same.

My phone pings just as I open the door to get out and drag my sorry ass up to tell her everything. To lay it all out there, beg for her forgiveness, her understanding. But most importantly for her to stay with me. I’ll give her space and time. I’ll give her everything she asks. All I need is a deadline or something to work toward. I need her.

If she can still love me, after all I put her through and everything ahead of us, then we can get through anything.

I expect it to be Kat who messaged, but it’s not her that texted me. It’s Samantha.

I heard you quit.

News travels fast, I respond quickly and then debate on how to tell her I won’t be responding anymore to her. It’s not fair tomy wife and now that I’ve left the company, there’s no reason to have any type of relationship with her.

What about what happened?

I stare at the text on my phone as the lights in my car dim, signaling me to leave. She follows up the question with another that makes my stomach churn.He knows about what happened and you know he won’t let it go. He’ll hang this over your head until he gets what he wants.

My brow knits as I read the message. I don’t give a shit what he knows or what he wants. For a moment, I think maybe she’s messaging the wrong person. I settle on my response.

I have nothing to give him.

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