Page 116 of Sins & Secrets

I shake my head no. A gust of wind blows by and the air seeps through my clothes, chilling me to the bone. Mr. Millard waits, as if expecting me to change my mind. But I’m not interested. I shake my head again, shoving my hands in my pockets.

My lawyer clears his throat and looks toward the station before shutting the door with a click and walking toward me. His oxford shoes crunch the snow beneath him as he leans in closer to me and says, “Don’t tell anyone anything.” He lets out a breath and it turns to fog in the air as he looks behind him one last time.

“It’s going to take a couple of months for this to die down, of course. But the evidence found on the scene that could tie you to murder has been dismissed already. It’s a matter of finding motive and suspects now. The judge is never going to charge a Thatcher, and he doesn’t want any digging around the circumstances of your father’s death.” For the first time, Mr. Millard looks at me as if he thinks I may have done it, but there’s no contempt, no disgust, only curiosity behind his eyes.

“For you, it’s over. A few months, and it’s all buried. Just stay quiet and don’t talk to anyone. Don’t give them a reason to come back to you. As far as they know, they followed you there, there was an altercation but a fourth unknown individual shot them both. Evidence proves you didn’t fire a gun. They can’t change that; they can only hunt down a fourth … and you have no idea of that person’s identity. If anyone asks, you’re only grateful he didn’t shoot you too.”

I nod my head, feeling the weight of everything and how it all seems heavier for some reason. Knowing how unjust it is. That a select few have already decided the fate of the case.

I’m a hypocrite, because it’s what I did when I saw that look in Anderson’s eyes. The smile on his face as I left his office. I did the same. His fate was sealed. Even a glance at the photograph on his desk didn’t stop me.

I saw her. I knew he was married. I knew she was his. I told myself I didn’t care and that it didn’t matter. He had to die.

It’s that overwhelming feeling of power that made the first domino tip as I turned my back on him, knowing his fate was decided.

“Thank you, Mr. Millard,” I say and turn away from the station, away from him and toward the crowded streets of the city.

I didn’t know how the other dominoes would fall. And the judge and the lawyers, they have no idea either. So many pieces tumbled over. So many lives affected.

There’s only one who matters to me.

Only one I need to keep safe.

Her piece is bound to fall if I touch her. I almost ruined her once. I won’t do it again.

I was never any good for her. I should have stayed away if I loved her, and I think I did even all that time ago. I think I loved her before I ever heard that sweet laugh. Before I saw her gorgeous lips and that sadness in her beautiful doe eyes that she hid from everyone but me. I think I loved her even then.

And I should have stayed far away.

JULES

They say if you love someone, you should let them go.

That’s all I keep thinking over and over as I stare out the windows of the penthouse, staring blankly at the city skyline. Mason’s been out for over twenty-four hours now. I knew the second he walked out, and I waited. And waited. I owe him and all I can think is that if I send him a message, I’m going to beg him for even more. That’s not fair and that’s not right.

I swallow thickly, and my dry throat sends a spike of pain running through me. Or maybe it’s my heart. I’m not sure which. I shake my head, turning abruptly and walk over to the kitchen to fix myself some coffee. If he wanted to speak to me, he would have come or he would have called. The fact is, he doesn’t want me. Why did it take me this long to realize that wanting him and loving him wasn’t enough?

He hasn’t called, hasn’t sent a text. I take a steadying breath, balancing myself on a padded barstool at the island counter and then gripping the hot mug of coffee with both hands. The ceramic mug has veins of gold running through the thick cream pottery. I focus on it and drift my finger over the raised textureremembering how he used to trail his fingers down my lips before kissing me.

Everything is a reminder of him and it hurts. I let my head fall back to exhale before taking a slow sip of the coffee. It’s worse than a death because I could have him. It could be different … He’s right there.

I keep thinking he’s merely let me go because he loves me. They say if you love someone, you should let them go. Maybe that’s what I should do. I should let him go.

But isn’t it done with? Isn’t it over? The ending is so much different from what I envisioned. I will take this one where there is hope, over anything else. I want a chance.

The truth is, if Mason loved me, he’d be here. If he wanted me, he’d take me. That’s the kind of man he is.

“If you want to go to his house …” Maddie says gently from the seat next to me, moving her hand to my thigh. She hasn’t left my side since last night when the girls came over. When Kat told me Mason had been released from custody and I had waited for him to show, and he never did. After the first hour, I started to worry. After several hours, it was hard not to assume the worst. I’m glad my friends were here with me instead. I still don’t know when I’ll be able to return to my condo. The police say it’s a crime scene, and that means it’s off-limits in the meantime. I should message him … I should message Mason and let him know that. Shouldn’t I? He should know that I’m still here in this penthouse when he’s the one who’s footing the bill.

“Maddie, please.” Kat’s patience is waning thin with a restless Maddie who won’t stop asking questions. I’m grateful for the distraction, though.

Kat’s sitting at the dining room table and Sue went to work. She didn’t want to, but I insisted.

“There’s nothing wrong with going after what you want,” Maddie says, finishing her suggestion.

I glance from her to Kat, who’s gently nodding her head. “That’s true,” she whispers. Both of them stare at me as if I’m broken. Like this is the one thing over the last year that has managed to finally destroy me.

I’ve lost a husband, then fell in love with his murderer. I’ve been held against my will, killed a man out of anger and another out of fear for my life.

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