Page 237 of Sins & Secrets

“I’ll always love you,” I tell him softly, the words barely audible.

He crushes his lips against mine as he bucks his hips. The sudden spike of near pain makes me push my head back and scratch along his forearm. He doesn’t stop pounding into me, letting the pleasure build.

He pistons his hips relentlessly, each thrust forcing a pleasured groan from me. I try not to make too much noise, I try to be quiet, but I can’t.

I come again and again, each climax feeling more intense than the last. Evan’s ravenous as he kisses me. He doesn’t stop his hands roaming over my body. He doesn’t stop until I have nothing left, and only then does he bury himself in me to the hilt and find his own release.

Diary Entry Seven

Mom,

I thinkI’ve lost my mind.

Evan’s like a tornado in my life.

That’s not news to you, but I think that’s how I want it. Crazy and reckless, but deeply rooted and unstoppable.

I’m ready to fight for him, Mom. For us. I’m eager to, even.

I love him. I love what he does to me when he’s with me.

Mom, I’m afraid you’d be ashamed of me if you were still here. That’s the only part that hurts.

But believe me when I tell you that I love him and in all his fucked-upness, he loves me.

That hole I was telling you about before? It’s the one that came when you left, but it’s not there when Evan’s with me.

I think he has a hole in his heart too, Mom.

And I think I’m the only one that can fill it.

I told you I’ve gone crazy, haven’t I?

Maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world, though. I don’t know. I don’t think I care about it much anymore. So long as I keep Evan close to me.

I hopeI make you proud. And if not, I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t choose this, but I choose him. I want to see it through.

CHAPTER 24

Evan

The paper rustles in my hand. It’s a list Pops left on the counter. He didn’t tell me about it, but I’m sure it was for us.

Bottles.

Pacifiers.

Bibs.

Onesies.

It goes on for a bit, but it’s everything I need to buy. I’m not sure if he was going to give it to me, or if he was going to get this all himself. A pain radiates in my chest, right where that beating organ is. I miss him. I’ve never needed to talk to him as much as I do now.

You have to do it.I read the text that buzzes through and then put both my phone and the list in my pocket. I already know what Mason is getting at.

He’s convinced I need to be seen in public. To make sure the tail James has on me sees me keeping my distance, moving on. He wants them to back off and that means I need to look like I’m backing off too. No more of this tit for tat. The plan is to let them think I’ve moved on from looking into James. That I’ve given up or simply decided it wasn’t worth it. It doesn’t matter which.

I stare down the aisle as a kid runs past, holding up a plane in the air and making swooshing noises. It’s crazy that one day, I’m going to have one of them. A kid. A baby first. And before that, a pregnant wife.

---