Page 198 of Sins & Secrets

It’s been a while.

I miss you guys, but you already know that. I could really use your advice now.

I know Evan loves me. I can feel it when he looks at me, but when he’s not with me, I feel like he doesn’t. I know I’m insecure, but he’s been so weird lately. He’s acting crazy and it scares me a little. You wouldn’t like it.

I don’t even want to tell you. I’m so ashamed.

It’s that bad.

I know you never met him, but I swear he’s a good guy. I know he is.

But the thing is, he’s not doing good things.

The worst part is that he’s not stopping.

He knows we’re pregnant, and he’s not stopping. It doesn’t get much worse than that, does it?

I don’t know what to do.

He wants me to wait for him and I love him so much.

But I’m scared, Mom.

I cry all the time. That can’t be good for our little one.

I remember you crying when I was little and how you held me and sang lullabies to me. I’m trying that late at night. I hold my belly and try to sing lullabies instead of crying. I’m trying so hard, but I’m afraid I’m already failing.

I don’t think I can be with someone who isn’t willing to stop doing what he knows is wrong. It’s not just me anymore.

But it gets worse.

I can’t stop loving him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Mom. I could use your lullabies right now.

CHAPTER 8

Evan

Threats can make you weak,

To think of what’s to come.

To avoid seeing what’s here and now,

Living life as if you’re numb.

The lies are spinning webs,

To trap and hold you still.

The sinners hiding in plain sight,

Hold your fate against your will.

New York City is a sight that never fails to impress. It’s a mix of things—the nightlife, the skyscrapers, the people themselves. But winter is when it’s the most beautiful, I think.

Only the trees are wrapped with Christmas lights this early in November, but soon everything will be covered in white and blue lights. The shop windows in Rockefeller Center will be decorated with luxe details and high-end staging, and people will come from around the world to see it.

It’s stunning, but what’s best about it, is the crowds. During the winter months, this block is constantly packed. That’s exactly what I need right now.

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