Page 102 of Sins & Secrets

It’s not what you think.

The gentleman was only there to find something, but I found it elsewhere.

I’msorry for what I’ve done.

And I forgive you for what you did; I hope you can forgive me as well.

Sincerely,

X

It’sthe same feminine writing as the other note. This one sits in my wallet, and it’s been here for hours, refusing to allow me to think of anything else.

Whoever it was is damn good at concealing their identity. Not a single fingerprint on the envelope or the paper itself. The security footage shows it was delivered by the mailman, but has no return address. I’m lost, and I have absolutely no leads.

I finally crumple the letter, hating it and the fucker more now than ever. The hopeless feeling weighs down on me. I can’t fix it. I can’t fix anything without knowing who to blame.

They fucked with me, ruined something so precious and perfect, tearing Jules from my life. And now they’re just backing away? They wanted to destroy me. Mission fucking accomplished.

I don’t know who to trust anymore or what to live for. My only hope is to pretend it’s all right. To move through life like nothing’s wrong, and pray that Jules can one day do the same. The rough edges of the letter rub harshly against my skin as I close my eyes and tighten my fist around it. It’s never going to happen.

She’s never going to forgive me.

She loves me deep down. She has to. I can’t feel this strongly about her without her feeling something for me.

Tossing the letter into the small trash can beneath my desk, I rise from my seat and wonder about my father, about Liam’s wife and how she plays into this. But this game is so much different than any other I’ve played before.

Too many pieces and moving parts, but I can’t see a damn one of them.

It feels a lot like giving up. A lot like losing. But sometimes you need to keep going through the motions, stay on your guard, and just let them think you’ve lost.

I flick off the light switch as I open the office door and stand there in the hall, contemplating where Jules is most likely to be in the house. My hand tightens on the doorknob, as I wonder if she’ll talk to me like we used to. If she’ll let me hold her. If those moments when she forgets and looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes will last longer than seconds tonight.

I’ll leave it be, if only to let them think I’ve lost and given up. I nod my head as I leave; that’s what I tell myself.

As I shut the door behind me, it feels like I truly have lost everything already.

JULES

It’s nearly picture perfect.

To anyone looking in, we’re a couple sitting on the sofa in front of a roaring fire.

There’s plenty of lighting for the scene in Mason’s living room. The light’s brighter and has been all winter with the curtains open and the snow covering the grounds. The white reflects the sunshine into the room, no matter how dim it is. I watch the flames lick along the log. This fireplace is different from the one in the dining room. It’s odd they don’t match. I would’ve changed that if it were up to me. But it wasn’t. Because this isn’t where I belong.

I’m trapped here. I’ve made up my mind and I’m done.

I swallow thickly, moving more of the blanket over my chest as Mason shifts on the other end of the sofa. I came down here to write and to get this tale out of my head. To put an ending on it and hoping I could get a different perspective, but these words that stare back at me make me want to scream. Scratching out the lines over and over, I attempt to change them and deny it, but it is what it is. There’s no changing this ending.

My foot brushes against the pad of paper on the ottoman as I turn to face Mason.

He’s working, too, but completely unaffected. If I had to pinpoint what’s caused the finality and resentment, it’s the way he continues; I hate how easily he can move forward.

I’ve heard of that psychological condition where the woman falls for her captor. Stockholm syndrome. That’s not what this is. I loved this man with my whole heart before. I can feel myself falling, slipping back into that place and I refuse to go there.

He brought me into this hell, and I want out. I need to get out.

I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do. But I know I need to be alone. That’s what it comes down to. I’m destroyed, and I need to be okay alone.

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