Page 32 of Grown Folks Confessions: Black Lush

I swallowed back my emotions. “Never apologize for being happy, Ares. And I’m glad that your family is happy for you, as they should be. I’m sure Audrea’s will be, too, when she tells them.”

I wasn’t sure why I said that last part about Audrea. Maybe fishing for information. Or maybe I just wanted to wallow in my own disappointment a little more.

He hesitated for a second before telling me, “Her family is excited. She told them last week.”

“That’s good,” I squawked, my voice sounding higher than anticipated.

He squinted, studying my face in a way that felt like he was unveiling every secret I ever had, and damned if I didn’t want to bare my soul out to him.

“Layla, are we going to make it?”

I glanced out into the Chicago skyline as the setting sun peeked between the skyscrapers. “I don’t see how.”

“But we’re finally together,” he argued. “We owe it to ourselves to see if this is it. If this is forever.”

Forever.That word was something I craved with not just someone, buthim. Yet, when things appeared too good to be true, they usually were. Just like our time in Phoenix.

“Ares, you literally have a kid on the way with a woman who tolerates me about as much as I do her, and I just received the opportunity of a lifetime to live in London for a year,” I stated, my voice slightly rising. “How are we supposed to make this work?”

“But I lo—”

“Don’t you dare say it,” I told him, cutting him off, blinking back tears. “Not when we can’t have everything we want from each other. Not when you’re about to start a family with another woman.”

He ran his fingers through his curly hair. “I’m winging this shit right now, La. On one hand, I can’t bear to let you go when I finally have you. On the other, I can’t follow you to London like I thought I would now that I’ve got a kid on the way. I have to own up to my responsibilities. This ain’t just on Audrea or me. It’s on both of us and we have to get it together for the sake of this baby.”

“I know that, Ares. I’m trying to process everything just like you are.”

“Then what do we do?” he asked again, taking one of my hands in his. “What’s the next step?”

I let him hold my hand for a bit until his touch became too much, memories of those hands on me when our world was a little easier.

“I waited too long,” I muttered, my voice extremely low, but I knew he heard me. His eyes said as much. Yet, what could he say? He’d wanted me first, and I’d wanted to protect my heart. Audrea hadn’t passed up her opportunity to be with Ares, yet with me, I hadn’t been able to see past my own demons to accept what he was offering.

“What do you think we should do?” I asked him, realizing I hadn’t posed the question since we’d gotten back to Chicago. Once again, his answer was in his eyes, not his words. He was overwhelmed by everything, probably even more so than I was. Our relationship had been a series of circles.

He chased.

I ran.

He caught.

I ran.

We ended up on common ground.

The world cracked in half, throwing us on opposite sides.

The ache in my heart taunted me, whispering that I deserved this. That I’d fought my feelings for him so long, I would never find happiness. Ares never wanted to hurt me, and now was no exception. So, it was time for me to put on my big girl panties and say what we were both thinking.

“This week, we’ll meet and start the process for our annulment.”

He winced at my words, not knowing how bitter they tasted leaving my own mouth. I didn’t want to get an annulment, but we couldn’t just live in different countries and stay married. Especially with him having a kid on the way. Right?

A baby that’s not with you.That notion shot another dagger straight to my heart. I wanted to be the one to have his babies, yet, once again, I’d let it slip through my fingers from waiting.

“You’re right,” he finally muttered, his voice void of emotion, despite the despair and a hint of something else in his eyes. “You can’t pass up this opportunity in London, and I can’t go with you, Layla. I have to be here for Audrea during her pregnancy. I want to be present in my child’s life.”

I leaned to him, lightly touching his cheek. “And I would never ask you to choose between me and your child.”

---