Page 18 of Carter's #Undoing

Seven

SERENITY

I took a deep breath after taking a sip of my warm tea, the liquid soothing the nerves that seemed to be stuck in my throat, choking me with what was yet to come. The heart was a funny thing. I didn’t want mine to be pounding at the sight of him standing in the kitchen across from me wearing a black T-shirt and black jogging pants, but it was. I couldn’t really recall what he’d been wearing the other times I saw him, but he looked pretty dangerous right now.

Not in a way that scared me since I’d dropped the notion that he was probably trying to hurt me, but he just looked so rugged and hardened around the edges that it was taking me a while to get the Carter from my past outside of my head and replace him with the one standing before me. It almost felt like two different men, but I knew he was the same Carter. Felt it in the way our cosmic energy seemed to circulate around the room whether I liked it or not.

Even though I was mentally trying to adjust to the drastic change my world had taken when he’d re-entered my life without warning, I still wasn’t over the fact that he’d kidnapped me and had yet to give me a good reason as to why.

I’d cried for hours over him and this unexpected situation until suddenly, I realized I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted answers.Neededanswers. Still, I couldn’t let myself believe that I would get them anytime soon until he surprised me by saying, “I know you have a lot of questions for me, and I’m willing to answer them for you as best as I can.”

My eyes widened, observing his every move as he leaned against the wall. It wasn’t fair to still feel so connected with him after all this time. After all the pain he’d caused me and the anger I still kind of felt.

It was equally hard to convince myself to trust him and believe that me being here was in my best interest because how could I know if he was the same man that I used to trust with my soul? With my deepest secrets. With my desires and aspirations for a better life.

He was waiting for me to ask him some questions, but now that I had the green light, it seemed my words were trapped in my throat.

He squinted, his eyes looking past my shoulder at the corner of his living room before asking, “Do you still meditate?”

My gaze softened, a memory I hadn’t thought of in years resurfacing with his words. “Yes, I still practice the meditating techniques.”

He nodded. “Good. I do, too. Let’s head outside. I’ll grab a couple workout mats.”

I had barely agreed before he grabbed the mats and started walking toward the back deck.

“Do I need a sweater or something?”

He shook his head. “This mountain weather changes daily. One minute, the wind chill is below zero. The next, we’re in sunny sixty-five-degree weather. Typical for West Coast mountains.”

West Coast. I wonder if he slipped up in telling me that?Granted, I was able to tell we were on some sort of mountain or hilly area given the large surrounding craters, but Carter hadn’t answered me any time I’d asked where we were.

As we stepped out onto the deck, he glanced over his shoulder as he laid down the mats. There was something in his look that made me think maybe it hadn’t been a slip of the tongue at all.

“Did you mean to tell me we are on the West Coast?”

He smirked. “Come on, let’s sit down and work on those techniques. It will help with your anxiety, and you can ask me any questions you want in the meantime. If you still want to talk after, we can.”

I nodded. “Okay. In all honesty, I haven’t done these techniques in about a year.”I hadn’t needed to.I sat down next to him, adjusting the yoga pants and tank I threw on before coming downstairs.

“Let’s start by taking a deep breath,” he suggested, sitting Indian-style on the mat.

I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before repeating.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed. “Try and listen to the area around you. Listen to the sounds of nature. Breathe in the fresh air. And when you’re ready, tell me what you hear and smell.”

Breathing in deeply, I described everything the best I could. “I hear birds chirping and the leaves on the trees gently blowing in the wind.”

“What else?”

I tried to block out even more. “I think I hear the faint sound of water. Like a stream or a river or something.”

“What do you smell?”

Sniffing the air, I replied, “I smell slight mildew, like drops falling from the leaves and onto the dirt beneath the trees. I smell my Earl Grey from my tea. I smell the wood from the deck. I was out here that first day and it hadn’t smelled as clean as it does now.”

“Anything else?” he asked.

“No,” I lied. Truth was, the most intoxicating scent of all was the one I’d failed to mention. The earthy citrus that represented Carter and teased my nostrils, daring me to pop open one eye to see if he looked as relaxed as he sounded.

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